I had a joke about rifled barrels

but it was pretty boring.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ACE-Pham
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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Why was the double barreled shotgun unable to speak when it was upset?

It was two triggered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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Why did the submarine captain keep a barrel of potatoes in his room?

There was nothing in the world he loved more than eyes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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(trigger warning)

︻╦╀──

Stock and barrel too

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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A Jim Beam warehouse caught fire, destroying 40,000 barrels of bourbon. Warehouse workers were reported to be in "low spirits."

Seriously though, terrible loss.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/relativelyben
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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What’s the difference between a bucket and a barrel?

A bucket pails in comparison.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hephsters
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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What do you call a barrel that fell to the left?

A libarrel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/quantumhornet
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
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Went to cracker barrel yesterday for lunch with my dad and we got their new signature fried chicken

The waitress gave us our food and he started looking the pieces over really intently. He turned them all over and checked every side.

Waitress: is everything okay sir? Dad: No i think something's wrong with my chicken. (Looking at the pieces for a second time) Waitress: I'm sorry, what's wrong? Dad: I don't think they signed my chicken.

I lost it.

Happy Fathers day weekend!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rofsdraw
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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I took my new gun to the range to try it out, but somehow it won’t work.

Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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A chef on a ship invented the first ever floatation device used in case the ships ever sank. Oddly enough the floatation device was a barrel of root beer.

You see, he knew that rootbeer floats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gnarwalbacon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
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If Carole Baskin worked at a distillery,

She would be barrel caskin'

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ol_Geiser
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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Oil falls below $50 a barrel

Dad: We should sell the house and just store oil somewhere..... Then again that'd be a rather crude way to live!

He then began chuckling to himself for 5 minutes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AstroHaze
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2015
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Just now at Cracker Barrel. I don't even have a kid.

Wife ordered a house salad with her meal at cracker barrel, along with her salad came the grossest looking restaurant crackers we've ever seen, package was busted and cracker crumbs were falling out, they looked like they had been soggy at some point.

I say to her "well, as far as crackers go, I'd say those came from the bottom of the Barrel."

she laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BilliardKing
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2014
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dad joked at cracker barrel

At cracker barrel these two old men are enjoying their meal and I start chatting with them trying to be friendly server. Then one of them says to me "Do you like bets?" I responded saying i dont bet much but im interested in one. He bets me "i bet i know where you got your shoes" thinking theres no way he could know that i take him up on it. He says "Alright, you got your shoes right here in cracker barrel on your feet!" I laughed a lot harder than i should have and gave the man his dollar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/00_salsa
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2014
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Q. What's the most important thing you can do with crude oil?

A. Teach it proper manners!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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How do you know if a sniper likes you?

He misses you

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vidakris
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2017
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Made my dad proud at Cracker Barrel

Waitress: Y'all ready for the check? Me: Yeah, I think we're ready to go. Waitress: Together or separate? Me: We'd like to leave together, if that's alright with you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zmtllc
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2015
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At Cracker-Barrel The other day

brother: This meal looks delicious. I have no regrets.

Dad as he hands him a bowl of grits: Here, now you have no regrits

followed by his uncontrollable laughter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mslvr40
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2014
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What's a duck's favorite restaurant?

Quacker Barrel!

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scardeal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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What Do You Call A Comedian Whose Parents Are Geologists

A barrel of laughs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DJ_Linka_Gamer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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How does the KKK brew Whiskey?

In a Cracker Barrel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bad11ama
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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Saw this pot rack at Crate and Barrel...

My dad called it a Pan-Tree.

http://i.imgur.com/rOsIFt3.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/basmith7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2013
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I’ve never been to a gun range before

So I decided to give it a shot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ntuso
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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What do you call a cylindrical container full of clowns rolling down the hill?

A barrel of laughs.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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Which restaurant serves the best roasted duck?

Quacker Barrel!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Riverrat423
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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How are dad jokes and cask cleaners similar?

They both end up scraping the bottom of the barrel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/doryenas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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I just bought my first 18 year old whisky

You could say she's barrel-y legal

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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Blonde jokes are the best

So a blonde, brunette, and a ginger are running from the cops, they run into a barn, the blonde hides behind a barrel, the brunette hides behind a horse, the ginger hides behind a cow, the cops show up and yell "come out we know you're in there!" The brunette says "neigh neigh," the ginger says "moo moo," the blonde says "barrel barrel."

It's a bit of a basic joke but it makes me chuckle so wanted to share it.πŸ˜πŸ‘

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gamern1nja2000
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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I was doing some electrical work for a friend who recently moved into a new place

Since he was my buddy, I was doing this thing for next to nothing. He called me up the other morning and our conversation went as follows

"Hey buddy, do you think you could come by my place and install a couple of heaters?"

"Yeah for sure! Consider it a 'house warming' gift."

I could basically hear his eyes rolling.

EDIT: Phones don't format properly.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2015
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My wife got a dog with no legs from a shelter and asked what I wanted to name him

I said it doesn’t matter what we call him, he’s not gonna come to us

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mackaygeorge
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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Listen now to the story of the two brothers Hing and Ming

Listen now to the story of the two brothers Hing and Ming. Each was devoted to the search for ultimate wisdom, but they differed greatly on how it was to be found. One day their pet chicken fell ill, began to molt, and soon lost all of its feathers! The brothers decided that this would be an ideal test case and agreed to each spend two months trying to cure the chicken. Hing immediately went back to the university. Having boned up on ornithology and traditional Chinese medicine, he decided that the answer was a prescription of gum-tree leaf tea. He gathered bushels of the tea leaves, brewed gallons of the tea, and poured it into the chicken for the two months.

Meanwhile, Ming traveled all around China, praying at the shrines of his ancestors. One night he had a dream. His ancestors appeared and told him to feed the chicken tea made from gum-tree leaves!!!

Ming, aware of his brother’s lack of success, decided that the problem was quantity. He gathered whole CARTLOADS of leaves, and brewed BARRELS of the tea, and poured them into the chicken for the two months. At the end of the time, the poor chicken was still as naked as a bowling ball.

Moral: All of Hing’s courses, and all of Ming’s kin; couldn’t make gum tea re-feather a hen!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
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What is a duck's favorite equation?

The quackdratic equation.

 

bonus:

 

What is a duck's favorite restaurant? quacker barrel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pm_cute_butts
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2017
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A tribute to the glutes.

I might have assthma, butt it could be type two diabooties. I hope these puns aren't bumming you out, they're just for the crack. I don't mean to be cheeky, although I might be scraping the bottom of the barrel. Butt some of them are easy to get behind

You don't have to be anal about it, its not like you're the butt of the joke. I mean anusthing is possible, I think I'm getting to the rear end of these puns now.

It's asstounding how long this is lasting. I mean I don't want to half-ass it. Okay, I'll leave out the back door, but its so dark out, I can even see the full moon!

Just kidding I'm back.... side. Okay okay I'll bring it to a robust end. It's all behind me now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BelaLugosisGhost
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2017
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For the birds

True story:

Took my stepdad to dinner at Cracker Barrel with my mom and gf on Father's Day. There was an advertisement on our table for a birdbath they were selling in the store part of the restaurant.

Mom (seeing that it was $49.95): "I wonder how big that birdbath is?"

Gf: "I think it's about this big" (holds arms in a circle indicating about 18 inches around)

Mom: "That's actually not a bad deal"

Stepdad: "Well, yeah, but where are the birds gonna get fifty bucks?"

o.o

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NSFAnythingAtAll
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2016
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Dadjoked by NPR this morning

The voice on the radio explained how collecting rainwater was catching on in environmental groups. Some people upgraded from a 55 gallon barrel to a 500 gallon vessel. Shows that water vessels can be a real gateway jug.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crciv
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2016
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Pun Day tomorrow!

Our country needs a day to honor the art of puns. My friends and I decided that the best way to do this is to have an annual Pun Day. This day always falls on the same Monday in January as MLK Day, and is barrels of fun. (Like monkeys)

So A) I would like to spread the reaches of Pun Day, maybe have others across the nation share it. and B) If you would like to follow my puns tomorrow, add me on snapchat @BillySakmann. Be sure to say you're from Reddit. Thanks and happy punning! I'm going to be spending a lot of thyme in the kitchen tomorrow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neonpanda96
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2015
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My dad spouted off this one the other day...

My sister was talking about an episode of bones in which they apparently found a body in a wine barrel.

My dad stops her and says, "so are you saying it was a full-bodied wine?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/swhit94
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2016
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Today someone told me to kill myself

He said to go get a gun, look down the barrel and pull the trigger.

I did it. It just killed all the fish.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2017
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Just got my boyfriend while driving home for Thanksgiving.

Me: Are we allowed to crate through work zones?

Him: What?

Me: Are we allowed to crate through work zones?

Him: I don't even know what you're saying...

Me: Well I just saw a sign that said 'Don't barrel through work zones', so can we crate through them?

Him:... Get out. Get out of my car.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Riyomiharu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2014
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Dadjoked my culinary class

One student in culinary was getting flour from the bottom of a bin used to hold it. Since there wasnt much, it takes a couple tries to get a few scoops. So naturally:

"Hey student, looks like you're really scraping the bottom of the barrel

Few people laughed so I followed up with "screw you that's funny"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/austinll
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2014
🚨︎ report

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