The vote for better slides on school playgrounds is on the ballot this year.

Unfortunately, I live in a swing state.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wB68
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I feel like this meme fits in here.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why there are less female voters in 2020 elections? Because of....

Male in ballots

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bonp27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Leave it to men to procrastinate...

3 days later, and still waiting on male ballots.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/legendary-jake
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
It occurs to me at this stage the election has become sexist.

All I see are male in ballots.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NinjaRage83
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
[actual headline] Proposal To Split State Will Be On Ballot In November: California? npr.org/2018/06/13/619525…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GreetingsADM
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife and I met at the store when we were both buying a copy of the Disney movie β€œup”

It was the perfect meet cute and we kept both copies even after getting married. It was sweet. Not all things are meant to last and when things got a bit rocky we decided to get divorced. I let her keep the apartment and moved my stuff out. Unfortunately, we live in one of those states that mail out ballots. She sent me a text a week after I had left to let me know my ballot had come to the apartment. We had ended things amicably, but neither of us wanted to see each other so soon. Committed to my civic duty, I dropped by after work the next day. When she opened the door she was in tears. She had me come in and I immediately saw it, I had forgotten to take my copy of the movie. Somehow, this felt more final than actually signing the divorce papers. I still cared about her, so I asked if she wanted to talk at all. She shook her head and said through tears, β€œJust take your Up, vote and go.”

πŸ‘︎ 813
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Silent--Soliloquy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife forgot to order her absentee ballot for Super Tuesday.

I said we ought to drive down to Georgia, but we also have to get back to where we live shortly thereafter.

Looks like it's going to be a turn and Bern.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gothmog1114
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when Trump gets the majority of delegates and still loses the nomination from a contested convention?

Unpresidented.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vetokend
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2016
🚨︎ report
A short collection of fresh puns.

Most of this is my own work, if not, it was inspired by something clever!
I hope this will tickle your funnybone and produce a jolly good set of laughs.

A guy didn't register that the wet paint signs about the handrail was still drying, his hand immediately stuck to the rail. My only response to him was, well you see there, it's an application problem, not hardware.

A researcher's obsession with mixing sand, stones, lime and water has started to yield concrete results.

Eyeglass makers who profit well can frame their success.

Joe: I gave the backyard squirrels Christmas presents!
Abby: Are you nuts?
Joe: No, that's what I gave them...

What did the supervisor at the tortilla factory say at the end of a long workday?
That's a wrap!

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. (Insp)

People who don't answer the phone sometimes miss their calling in life.

His words were heavy, but his friends didn't get the gravity of the situation.

Time flies like crazy!
Fruit flies like apples!

Never let logic and reasoning get in the way of telling a good story. (Sounds like something that would be said on TopGear/Grand Tour)

There are a few words that will open many doors for you in life - Push and Pull (Insp)

Somehow people really don't like it when I throw lamps at them to encourage them to lighten up.
Same goes for tossing handles for when they need to get a grip or soap for cleaning up their act.

When you're on the ballot for the water council and they have a runoff election.

Ghosts speak latin, it's a dead language (Insp)

If you work at a grocery, send the interns down to the meat market to get some red herrings.

There was a river in Egypt that no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.

Bad luck Brian - Invests in uranium, profits decay.

There was an explosion at the film manufacturing company, reporters say the story is still developing.

Why do bagpipers walk around?
To get away from the noise (Insp)

Most people have a six-figure income, just the decimal point is in the wrong place.

It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.

In Russia, the term road has had a controversial meaning for a very long time.

In Canada/Russia, you put things in the fridge to warm them up.

Did you know that the creator of Barbie was named Barbara Dahl?

Doc: There's something not q

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.