He caught all sorts!
He's really into podcasting!
Turns out that math wasn’t the best topic for De bait
Oh well !! I have to find something else to use as bait now.
You wont believe what happened next!
Dad: Easy - you just throw a click bait into the water
Son: Got it. What's next?
Dad: What happens next will shock you
I thought I was in treble, but in the mid-dle of my trip, I figured out I was just going to get bass.
I guess you could call me a master-baiter.
I'm mass-turd-baiting.
Who's there?
Shark bait.
Shark bait who?
(Immediately) ha ha
I know its bad but i was proud i made it
Me; "Not on porpoise"
He laughed 12 year old girl next to us cringed and said "porpoise... really?" Joke had desired effect.
I’m at a loss for words.
He was totally out of line.
He yells "yeah my left one, my right one, and a weeKNEE!" Child giggles ensue. Instilling dad jokes at a young age. Dadding done right. (:
Now I’m hooked
Once you catch a fish, it'll be hooked.
Standoffish
De’bait’!
or, alternate punchline:
Bating tactics!
Use this nursery rhyme to play "scary/gross monster" with your tyke:
"The itsy bitsy spider climbed into Mia's mouth
Down to her ears and crawling in and out!
Out through her nose and tickled with her legs,
She made Mia sneeze her brains to scrambled eggs!
achoo splat bleah"
Substitute $name for Mia.
Spider hand chases while Dad reclines on bed. Tyke busily baits and counterattacks.
I dunno whether this qualifies as a Dad joke, but my wife hated it until she saw how much my daughter liked it. I feel like that fits the spirit of Dadness. For maximum results, send your wife the poem first.
They’ll either catch a fish or die trying.
He wanted to go nuclear fission!
Annette
He named all the worms Jason, cause their bait, man.
I just knew those traps looked debatable.
Sister (about bites she found on my niece in our family group text chat): it's fleas, I just found one biting her. I'm effing ticked!
Father: no, you're flea'd, not ticked, duh.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
I replied "just giving them a taste, soon they'll be begging for us to HOOK them up"
After I said it, we both laughed for a few minutes and I knew I had to share it with you guys.
Thank you to the Disney employee that noticed my Reddit alien shirt last week and suggested r/dadjokes. I forgot how entertaining this group is :)
I told her she didn't have to open that can of worms, and we wouldn't be trying to de-bait now.
I walked away laughing, and daughter face palming.
Once that get a taste, they're hooked.
My Dad: See the problem with hunting bears is you have to bait them and they might not take the bait.
Me: You know what they say, "If you can't bait 'em, join 'em."
I love Anna Kendrick, and my dad sent me an email with the subject line "Anna Kendrick sings and goes topless in new 'The Last Five Years' clip" with a link to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtG2DJnLBEk
As you can see, Anna does not actually go topless in the trailer. When I questioned his subject line, he responded "She's in a topless car..."
So my daughter is sick and has been taking antibiotics for the past week. These antibiotics cause some unwanted side effects (unholy diarrhea) that require us to put a paste on her butt that keeps it from getting chapped. This lead to the following brief exchange between my wife and I:
(While she was changing an explosive diaper)
Her: Have you seen the butt balm?
Me: Yeah, it's right there in her diaper...
it was the old bait and switch.
Oh well!! I guess I'll have to find something else to use as bait now.
