Why did the judge set the bail so low for the ostrich charged with assault?

He wasn't a flight risk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
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What did the cake thief do after the police released him on bail?

Ab-scone-ded.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KCL80
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29
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Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin? It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
The fda has decided to outlaw the round hay bails.

It appears cows aren't getting a square meal.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jablothegreat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Big bird was denied bail.

The prosecution said he was a flight risk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wimple007
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I usually bail out on my dermatologist appointments.

I'm so flaky.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/patricktoba
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the judge deny the drunk pilot's request for bail?

Because he posed a significant flight risk!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xinareiaz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I can't believe that penguins are always denied bail

They're not even flight risks...

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/headexpl0dy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2016
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My dad said the government should bail out his penis...

...he told them it was too big to fail.

My dad, ladies and gentlemen -- he'll be here all week! Tip your waiter, try the beef.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcraamu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2014
🚨︎ report
Hay bail.

We were heading to dinner and driving past a farm (with hay bails) since we are meeting people there my friends dad says.

"Do you think they're going to bail on us?"

Then proceeds to smile and wait for us to laugh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_UnitedKingdom
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call Batman who skips church?

Christian Bale

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poptronic
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bail

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oakenshield-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pastor who got bailed out

Christian Bale

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisb9999
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when Batman misses church?

Christian Bail

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeffer90
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22
🚨︎ report
Someone bailed out on the opportunity
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thediamonddecade
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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Bailed
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spookyAGENT
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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My partner bailed on me at open mic night...

Me: "This next song was written for two people, but since my partner couldn't make it I'll just have to duet alone."

Crowd: collective groan

The entire crowd rolled their eyes together, but at least I played well!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evansdead
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2014
🚨︎ report
I knew it was a mistake to take my friend who failed to appear in court out on my leaky sailboat.

As soon as it started leaking, he skipped bail.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad what happened to your hair?

I used to have a crew cut, but then the crew bailed out.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/51r-Fr4nc15-Dr4k3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend asked if I would help him move hay on the farm the other day...

I didn’t want to so I bailed

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaseo2017
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What's it called when Batman doesn't go to church?

Christian bail

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goku_Kakarot91
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s it called when Batman leave church early?

Christian Bail

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/txgginji
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2018
🚨︎ report
My duck got arrested.

Apparently he's a quackhead.

I tried to bail him out, they wouldn't let me. Said he was a flight risk.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clegern
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when Batman leaves church early?

Christian bail.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageML
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Took my daughter out to see how marshmallows are grown. imgur.com/NavQnlm
πŸ‘︎ 543
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tachophile
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2013
🚨︎ report
Dustin Diamond, aka Screech, was arrested yesterday, but thankfully didn’t spend the night in jail.

He was Saved by the Bail.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I saw Batman run out of a church this morning

I yelled out, "Hey it's Christian Bail!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gl3nnsth3man
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Driving down the road...

We pass a farm and my dad says:

Dad: hey did you know the FDA is banning those round bails of hey!

Me: No! What? Why? (I was legitimately concerned)

Dad: Yeah! Apparently cows weren't getting a square meal....

Me: ...sighs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsYaBoi97
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad just texted me this so I think it counts.

Sorry about being a little out of touch the past couple of months. My business partner bailed on me in January and I'm in the process of forming a new corporation with a couple of investors, hiring a new bookkeeper (my expartner's wife used to do that), arranging a storage facility, moving offices and re-organizing staff. It has been hectic.

Part of my business model is consulting. I recently had an experience that proves the value of consulting & demonstrates how consultants can make a difference in an organization. I was very impressed. I think this is a segment that I can develop with financial help.

Last week, I went out with some friends to a new restaurant (Steve's Bistro & Provisional Ales). I noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in t

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GHOSTWRlTlNG
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend falls for it everytime...

Driving in a car
Me: HEY! </points out window>
Her: What??
Her: </Notices bails of hay on side of road>
Me: </Laughs ass off>
Her: I hate you

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alwayspluggedin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2015
🚨︎ report
What is it called when batman skips church?

What do you call it when Batman skips church ?

Christian bail.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Killer59614
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2015
🚨︎ report
Regarding the diets of dairy cows.

I grew up in Vermont. Around my town were plenty of dairy farms, inviting the always wonderful manure aroma. An aroma that nearly forced my father to inhale deeply through his nose, saying, "Ah, fresh Vermont air!"

That's an excellent Dad one liner, as are most dad jokes, but he had another great one that I'm getting to.

You see, the hay bails we saw growing up in Vermont were mostly the cube variety. Hay bailing technology at the time created cubes of hay, so that's what dotted the fields they'd graze in.

As we grew older, we starting noticing the now more common round bails of hay. Dad was not pleased.

I asked him what the problem was or, at least, what his problem was with the round bails. The best jokes are set up when you ask for them.

So, he tells me. New farming technology allowed the round bails to be created more efficiently. They used less fuel in the bailers, took less passes on the field to gather the hay. They used less twine, and even though they didn't fil

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/estomasi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2013
🚨︎ report
The original

Anytime I would start to fall asleep while my dad was driving the back country roads. He would yell hay startling me and as soon as I gained my composer and I would ask "What?" And he would than point at a hay bail and say there is some hay over there.

Fast forward 8 or so years and I was riding in the back of are jeep with my dad and Papa (he doesn't like being called grampa) all of the sudden my papa yells son and my dad slams on the brakes in a panic asking what's wrong. He(papa) than casually points at the sun and says the suns out.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjknight9
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2014
🚨︎ report
Out dading a dad.

I just turned extremely cold again and my dad was talking about covering up some strawberries to protect them. My response.

"It's a good thing we have a bail (of straw) otherwise we'd have to use blankets. Then they would just be blanket berries..."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HunterForce
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Got my Girlfriend with a Classic Last Night

We were texting friends trying to set up something over the weekend and her best friend bailed saying she needed to save money. So my girlfriend turned to me and said:

"I'm SO pissed off"

"Well that's better than being pissed on honey"

You could hear the groan from a mile away.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arttotheheart
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
🚨︎ report
what do you call it when batman ditches church?

Christian Bail

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/caitycat16
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2014
🚨︎ report
Grandpa got me good

Driving around in the country

Grandpa- points to a field full of square bails of hay and says, "did you hear that farmers aren't gonna make square bails anymore?

Me- why not?

Grandpa- they're not a well rounded meal.

Me- sigh....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scooter50
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2016
🚨︎ report
At my office we have TVs that play the news all day

Walking past one of them I saw a headline that read: Delta employee charged with smuggling loaded guns onto passenger planes." I pointed it out to a co-worker and said "Oh man, I hope he doesn't get bail. He's obviously a flight risk."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TeaShirt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2014
🚨︎ report
FWD: Fwd: FWD FWD: Fwd: Emails from Dad

MAN LAWS

The International Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss' car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CampConcentration
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
🚨︎ report
Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin?

It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lobsterbash
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bail.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lifesizedbarbee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17
🚨︎ report
What do you call Batman when he skips church?

Christian Bale

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Enterknee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bail

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BenMargarine
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bail

πŸ‘︎ 185
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bail

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Underrlord
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call Batman that skips church?

Christian Bail .

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bloom3D
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2017
🚨︎ report

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