He wasn't a flight risk.
It appears cows aren't getting a square meal.
The prosecution said he was a flight risk.
I'm so flaky.
Because he posed a significant flight risk!
They're not even flight risks...
...he told them it was too big to fail.
My dad, ladies and gentlemen -- he'll be here all week! Tip your waiter, try the beef.
We were heading to dinner and driving past a farm (with hay bails) since we are meeting people there my friends dad says.
"Do you think they're going to bail on us?"
Then proceeds to smile and wait for us to laugh.
Me: "This next song was written for two people, but since my partner couldn't make it I'll just have to duet alone."
Crowd: collective groan
The entire crowd rolled their eyes together, but at least I played well!
As soon as it started leaking, he skipped bail.
I used to have a crew cut, but then the crew bailed out.
I didn’t want to so I bailed
Apparently he's a quackhead.
I tried to bail him out, they wouldn't let me. Said he was a flight risk.
He was Saved by the Bail.
I yelled out, "Hey it's Christian Bail!"
We pass a farm and my dad says:
Dad: hey did you know the FDA is banning those round bails of hey!
Me: No! What? Why? (I was legitimately concerned)
Dad: Yeah! Apparently cows weren't getting a square meal....
Sorry about being a little out of touch the past couple of months. My business partner bailed on me in January and I'm in the process of forming a new corporation with a couple of investors, hiring a new bookkeeper (my expartner's wife used to do that), arranging a storage facility, moving offices and re-organizing staff. It has been hectic.
Part of my business model is consulting. I recently had an experience that proves the value of consulting & demonstrates how consultants can make a difference in an organization. I was very impressed. I think this is a segment that I can develop with financial help.
Last week, I went out with some friends to a new restaurant (Steve's Bistro & Provisional Ales). I noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in t... keep reading on reddit ➡
Driving in a car
Me: HEY! </points out window>
Her: </Notices bails of hay on side of road>
Me: </Laughs ass off>
Her: I hate you
What do you call it when Batman skips church ?
I grew up in Vermont. Around my town were plenty of dairy farms, inviting the always wonderful manure aroma. An aroma that nearly forced my father to inhale deeply through his nose, saying, "Ah, fresh Vermont air!"
That's an excellent Dad one liner, as are most dad jokes, but he had another great one that I'm getting to.
You see, the hay bails we saw growing up in Vermont were mostly the cube variety. Hay bailing technology at the time created cubes of hay, so that's what dotted the fields they'd graze in.
As we grew older, we starting noticing the now more common round bails of hay. Dad was not pleased.
I asked him what the problem was or, at least, what his problem was with the round bails. The best jokes are set up when you ask for them.
So, he tells me. New farming technology allowed the round bails to be created more efficiently. They used less fuel in the bailers, took less passes on the field to gather the hay. They used less twine, and even though they didn't fil... keep reading on reddit ➡
Anytime I would start to fall asleep while my dad was driving the back country roads. He would yell hay startling me and as soon as I gained my composer and I would ask "What?" And he would than point at a hay bail and say there is some hay over there.
Fast forward 8 or so years and I was riding in the back of are jeep with my dad and Papa (he doesn't like being called grampa) all of the sudden my papa yells son and my dad slams on the brakes in a panic asking what's wrong. He(papa) than casually points at the sun and says the suns out.
I just turned extremely cold again and my dad was talking about covering up some strawberries to protect them. My response.
"It's a good thing we have a bail (of straw) otherwise we'd have to use blankets. Then they would just be blanket berries..."
We were texting friends trying to set up something over the weekend and her best friend bailed saying she needed to save money. So my girlfriend turned to me and said:
"I'm SO pissed off"
"Well that's better than being pissed on honey"
You could hear the groan from a mile away.
Driving around in the country
Grandpa- points to a field full of square bails of hay and says, "did you hear that farmers aren't gonna make square bails anymore?
Me- why not?
Grandpa- they're not a well rounded meal.
Walking past one of them I saw a headline that read: Delta employee charged with smuggling loaded guns onto passenger planes." I pointed it out to a co-worker and said "Oh man, I hope he doesn't get bail. He's obviously a flight risk."
The International Rules of Manhood
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of... keep reading on reddit ➡
It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.