I was an uber driver for a bunch of pro wrestlers, they were so tired after their show they all just stacked on top of each other in my backseat

I guess I was the pile driver

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RKO-Cutter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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My kid complained because the t.v in the backseat of my van stopped working and he couldnt watch Dexters Lab.

I turned up the music and said "Here are some car tunes for you, son".

He started to cry and my wife yelled at me.

πŸ‘︎ 314
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boson707
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2017
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Dad (to his son in the backseat, while mom is riding shotgun): "Hey, do you want to hear my impression of your mother?!?!"

Son: "What? Yes, totally!"

Dad (turns to look at mother tenderly): "I think she's a lovely and beautiful woman, a good wife to me, and a good mother to you."

Son: sigh.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/matthattar
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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(from the backseat during a car ride) "Dad, where are we going?"

"To hell, cause we couldn't change our ways."

Every time.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matsuda-san
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2013
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Is β€œbuttcheeks” one word?

Or should I spread them apart

πŸ‘︎ 591
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lewwap
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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Airbender, Waterbender...

The girlfriend and I were in the car yesterday with her two young kids in the backseat. They were talking about what sort of "bender" they wanted to be.

Girl: "I would be an airbender!"

Boy: "I'm a waterbender."

Just then a truck passes us, driving a bit wildly.

Me: "That guy wants to be a fenderbender."

Cue evil glare from girlfriend.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomwithweather
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2016
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Son: why is my sisters name Paris?

Dad: because thats where she was concieved.

Son: thanks, dad!

Dad: no problem, backseat.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Usagi_Shiro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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Simon says

This happened last night. I laughed way too hard after it so figured I’d share. Driving with my three sons playing Simon says in the backseat.

Oldest son: β€œSimon says place your hand on someone else’s head” Me angrily interrupting: β€œNO we’re keeping our hands to ourselves” Oldest son: β€œawe cmon dad but we’re playing Simon says we’re not gonna fight” Me: β€œfine......Simon says keep your hands to yourself”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kyleorto86
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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Wife got me with a dad joke

Talking about an upcoming trip, I mentioned that we should pack our son in the small suitcase and us in the medium one.

Without missing a beat, she says she felt he would be safer in the backseat.

For a woman who is so literal, I was so proud.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Semujin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
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So, we're driving cross country on the way to my brother's wedding...

And we were getting close to a rest area so I asked the kids in the backseat "do you need to use the bathroom? Speak now or forever hold your pee!"

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ravendemyseri
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
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An old coworker and I were driving back from a jobsite, and saw a sign that read "Log Trucks Entering Highway."

He turned to me and said, "Well grab a pencil and paper from the backseat. I don't know who cares how many trucks we see, but we'll write it down."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grizzlypaws
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
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Not a dad yet, but I'm training.

Telling my friends that my backseats recline.

"Hey you can lean back your chair... If you feel so inclined"

There was silence.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blue_Ranger_488
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2015
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Dadjoked by mother in law

Driving down the street, see sign that says "Yukon Rd closed, take detour." Mother in law in backseat says "aahh, Yukon't drive there."

Groaning intensifies....

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boj3143
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2014
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Had a great Dad joke moment this morning...

My wife and I were sitting in line at the drive-thru coffee shop this morning; my 2 year old son was in the backseat in his car seat.

There was a car in front of us, which we were waiting on to finish so we could move up and place our order. At that point, I noticed what kind of car it was. So I turned to my wife and said...

"We just have to wait for the Prelude to finish, and then we can go on."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Airman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2016
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Dinosaurs at the Zoo

A while back, my boyfriend and I drove down to his parents' house to go to the airport the next morning (it's about 3 hours from us, and they live near it).

About 5 o'clock the next morning, boyfriend, his father, and myself were all on our way to the airport (his dad was driving, dropping us off, we were both in the backseat), and we pass a billboard. It had pictures of dinosaurs all over it, and was advertising an animatronic dinosaur exhibit at the local zoo. BF's dad looks at it, chuckles and says "Must be an OLD sign." And then he laughs, and laughs, and laughs.. all to himself up there.

The best/worst part of this is that on the way to their house the day before, we passed that same billboard. Boyfriend made the same, exact joke. Looking at his dad is like looking into his future.

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robotjackie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2013
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Got my girlfriend in the car today.

We had just parked after lunch and she wasn't budging to get out of the car so I got my camo blanket from the backseat and pretended I was sleeping.

She then proceeded to try and take a picture.

Her: I can't see you! referring to the sun making shadows around my face

Me: that's because I'm camouflaged!

I could hear her eyes rolling.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ninjaplz783
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2015
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This just made the whole trip even worse...

On a road trip whilst the baby in the backseat refuses to eat her beans Me: Dad, why won't she eat her beans? Dad: I guess she doesn't know where they've... b e a n

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Narbcookez
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2014
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Got my wife on the road last weekend

Taking a long road trip with our almost 2-year-old in the backseat. Shoe comes flying up into my wife's lap. This is a common occurrence.

Wife: "Why does he always take off his right shoe?"

Me: "Because he knows better than to take off the wrong one?"

She threw the shoe at my head. He laughed. It was worth it.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unstablereality
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2014
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A little chilly in here

We were driving back from visiting the in-laws and our toddler was watching Frozen in the backseat. Probably the thousandth time we've seen or heard the movie.

Wife: Elsa's speaking voice sounds weird, it's like she is starting to get sick.

Me: So you think she's starting to get a cold?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A-A-RONBURGUNDY
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2014
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Driving across the country with my fiance and her 6 yr old

As we see another animal crossing sign, he says "I NEVER see any animals!"

"Sure you do!" I said pointing at some road construction, "Look! A Bobcat!"

Que grumbles from the backseat.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GimpyJesus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2013
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My friend will be a great dad someday

As I was driving and receiving directions from my friend in the back seat while my other friend was in the front seat I knew he would be a great dad.

Me: so turn here?

Backseat: yep take a left on Nichols (the street)

Frontseat friend: well I would rather turn on Dimes....

Followed by his own brand of slight chuckle. It was marvelous

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ninshee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2013
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