I've raised and changed diapers of 2 baby girls but now I have a son.

Changing his diaper is a whole new ball game.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hassan_26
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2022
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My four year old told me he wanted to put his baby sisters diapers in the mailbox.

I told him that he’d go straight to jail. For mail pampering.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whitebabyjesus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2021
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I just found out that they make special diapers for baby boys.

They call them diap-hims.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zosymandias
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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What do you say to a baby who speaks French and wets his diaper?

European man

(Courtesy of my husband)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/treegirl
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
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I'm always asked to put on a new diaper for our baby, but I childishly refuse.

My wife wishes I would change.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbtehbuild
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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My baby daughter has diarrhea. I've changed so many poopy diapers today, I couldn't even tell you how many.

They all just kinda run together at this point

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cbenjaminsmith
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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I think I need to get my baby new diapers.

They say they are rated for 14-18 lbs but they keep splitting open when they are only 4-5 lbs full.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Glorified-Pillow
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2018
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Someone stole diapers and baby pacifiers from the childcare center.

It was a nursery crime.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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Changing my baby's poo diaper

My son always ninja rolls out of my grasp when he shits his pants. From that point on he is known as "Poopacabra".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Label083
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2015
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Broken butts

So I have used this joke religiously for many many years. My oldest 20, second 5 and then my baby girl is just over 18 months. Every time any of them need a new diaper.

β€œAlright looks like you’ve broke it, there’s a crack in it so you need a new butt.”

The two older ones still crack up and princess dances around when I say it.

(Yes that is a mighty big gap in ages and yes all the same mom)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rmthomp
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2021
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My wife is so negative

I remembered the car seat, the stroller, and the diaper bag, but all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mechanicfantic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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My buddy set me up on a blind date

He told me, "Heads up, she's expecting a baby". Well let me tell you, I felt stupid sitting there in the bar wearing just a diaper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doogasa34
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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Diapers

Diapers come in sizes that are rated according to the baby's weight i.e. "up to 12 lbs". Every time my dad (grandpa to my kids) sees a pack of diapers he says " I don't think they'll hold that much ". Every. Single. Time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emjayt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2013
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My infant had a checkup at her pediatrician today...

And I was informed that the "10lbs" on the diaper package was for the weight of the baby, not the diaper's load capacity... Who knew?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackknightxiv
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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Putting the dog down. :(

Background: Our family puppy has been wearing a diaper lately before she gets fixed.

As were taking the family picture, my brother is holding the dog like a baby for one of the pics, and my mom says β€œokay one picture with you holding the dog then were putting her down.” To which my dad responds β€œAwww, we don’t need to put her down, we just need to get her fixed.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HagridsManhood
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2017
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My dad just sent me this horrible diaper dad joke

I know you have been laying awake at night wondering why baby diapers have brand names such as "Luvs", "Huggies," and "Pampers', while undergarments for old people are called "Depends".

Well here is the low down on the whole thing.

When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em, Hug'em and Pamper' em. When old people crap in their pants, it "Depends" on who's in the will!

Glad I got that straightened out so you can rest your mind.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NinjaRockstar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2015
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My wife is making dadjokes. I guess I'm... mom?

I was holding my month-old son after dinner and he kept ripping ass (seriously, this kid farts so loudly I get blamed for it). My wife comes up behind me and asks, "so, are you surviving his... ass-ault?" and gives me this shit-eating grin. I groaned, the baby farted, I changed his diaper (as is my duty.. heh heh... duty).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sporktrooper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2014
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Got my wife last night

Our baby was screaming his little head off. After getting him a bottle and a new diaper:

Wife: "Wailing child is the worst"

Me: "Yeah, and cleaning up the whale parts isn't any fun either."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jesuswig
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2014
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My dad sees a woman with a monkey on her shoulder...

About 5 years ago my dad seen a fellow vendor at a flea market with a monkey wearing a diaper on her shoulder. My dad says , " Ma'am , that's a ugly baby you have." For 5 years and counting the lady hasn't brought her monkey back and gives him a "go to hell look" every sunday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ButtNuster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
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I think I made a dadjoke today...

This morning my mom was talking to my girlfriend about our little girl. She was born a bit early, and she was tiny anyway (2lbs 9 oz at birth). She just grew out of her preemie diapers (woohoo!) and they wanted to keep one to document how small she was. My mom's been doing these for some time so she's had this kinda stuff around forever. She's planning on putting something together chronicling my baby's life, and the progression of her size is obviously important.

The following conversation ensued...

>Her: I guess I'll stick one of these [diapers] in my scrapbooking stuff.

>Me: Well, I guess in this case it'd be more like crapbooking stuff.

Small amounts of groans and sarcastic laughter ensued.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1unacy
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2014
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My wife is so negative.

I remembered the stroller, the car seat and the diaper bag yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mariovers
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
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