Because desi everything
" I cant believe she’s not better "
My cousin and I are helping her 5 year old son set up his new hot wheels garage this afternoon (technically we were done setting it up, but spent the next hour playing with it because the garage was flippin sweet) when my adorable little cousin goes, “oh my goodness what was that?!?”
Me, not knowing what he was referring to but playing along, said, “what in tarnation!?!”
His response, “what in car-nation?!”
His mom and I cried laughing, but I don’t think he really appreciated how perfect it was!
Anyways, I’m still looking forward to the day I become a great dad(mom) and until then I’ll be practicing on my partner and feeling super accomplished with every eye roll.
In an auntie-chamber
It would take too much meat ...
Because they're all dead.
Synonym Rolls
Auntie climb attic.
"Don't worry," I assured her, "After he's born, I'm going to see him... and raise him!"
My auntie was telling us about how she is going to try and cook gnocchi tomorrow night. My cousin responded to this by saying that they've never had it but it doesn't sound yum to them.
With a silly exotic accent to help shape the joke, I replied with this shocker: "Hey, don't gnocchi till you tryii."
Sighs abound. Loved it.
I told her I might Noah guy.
Auntie Biotics.
Their sisters develop auntie-bodies
right up until the moment she became a vigil-auntie.
It's their most successful auntie-bullying campaign to date.
Auntiedepressant
She's Auntie Social.
I took my mom and her sister Connie to a popular retro diner. When my aunt ordered a burger, the waitress offered a patty melt or wrap due to shortages. I quickly interrupted “My Auntie Connie don’t want none if you don’t got buns, hun.”
I said "80, auntie"
I’m not surprised; he was an excellent conductor.
Aunty Freeze
Because now she had aunty bodies around her.
She is a vigil-aunty.
Because of their Auntie-bodies
I call her aunty vax now.
Vigil aunties.
During dinner, I compared how Son #2 [4yo] was eating his spaghetti to an anteater. This sparked the following conversation.
Son #2: "What if I really was an ant?"
Son #1 [7yo]: "Then you wouldn't really eat very much spaghetti. Ants eat just a little because they're so small."
Me: "Well, did you know it's pretty likely that, eventually, your sister will grow up to be an aunt?"
Daughter [5yo]: "What?"
Me: "Yeah, all it'll take is for one of you boys to have a kid. Then, she'll turn into an aunt."
[Kids look confused. Son #1 has worked out the pun, is rolling eyes.]
Wife: "He's right. We helped do it to Auntie Leah."
[It clicks.]
Daughter: "Oooooh, Daaad."
Snip snip and Bob's your auntie.
An actual joke my dad told me.
It always end in an Auntie climax.
He has a wife now, and her name is Aunty Perspirant
His Auntie Christ
It really upped the aunty!
Auntie Matter
Thwy got great auntie bodies
But the punchline is a bit of an aunty-climax
People have got to stop making Nazi puns. They're offensive, Anne Frankly, in terms of humor, they're usually Hitler miss at best. I can just Nazi why you even make them. They'll Holocaust you a Jewish friend someday. We should all just do the Reich thing and stop it... Still... I guess I don't want to stop Jew while you're having so much fun... What the Heil, I'll just sit back in Mein Kampfy chair and watch.
The warranty claimed it had free “aunty-virus” protection software.
