I don’t know why, but there’s something exciting about evaluating women’s armpits...

Its just really axilla rating.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CubanZirconium
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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I think it’s a great idea to wear two different deodorants, one under each armpit.

But that’s just my two scents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
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Why did the magician have sticky armpits at the end of the show?

Because he had some good twix up his sleves ...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aparks1437
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
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My deodorant is so abrasive on my armpits

It should be called β€œerode-orant”

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cctblues
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2014
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Made my 11 yr old laugh and my wife roll her eyes this kornint. It was a good day.

My 2 yr old is constantly dropping small toys down the grate on the air return and a couple rolled out if site. This morning, I stuck my head down it and found a couple the had been missing for a couple weeks. Yay, dad!

My wife told me "She likes to drop her toys down there when she's angry."

I told her "you can't be upset. She's just venting!"

Groans and laughs ensued.

Edit: "this morning." What the hell is a kornint?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tbare
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2017
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A man walks into his doctor's office

With a large, painful lump under his armpit. In a slight panic, the man asks the doctor if there's any way he can help by informing him of what the massive growth is.

The doctor looks carefully and slightly questioning his diagnosis says, "A cyst?"

"Right", says the man, "I'd love to know what the hell this thing is and if you can help me with it".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ANoiseChild
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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So my Dad just dropped this one on me...

My Dad has been staying with me for the past few days because his heat went out and I don't want him to become a dadscicle, and I've been up to my armpits in Dad jokes. This one was especially good, I thought.

Dad: "I'm going to run down to the gas station, do you need anything?"

Me: "No, I'm fine."

Dad: "Candy bar?"

Me: "Nope, I'm good."

Dad: "Henway?"

Me: "What's a henway?"

Dad: "Oh, about 3 and half pounds."

Groan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smartzie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2014
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Dad at the airport

Dad's turn in the check-in line comes up and walks up to the counter, hands in his armpits, elbows out, bobbing his head forward and back as he walk, which was abrupt yet fluid.

He gets to the counter, "brock! bock bock bock"

The lady at the counter says: "Excuse me?"

"Brock! brock bock bock bock" says my father

Worried she says "Can I help you check in?"

My father stares at her, bobbing his head forward and back. The lady looks confused, worried, looks at the rest of the line with eyes pleading for help.

My father then stands up straight, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought this was this chicken counter" and proceeds to produce his proper papers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fauwks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2014
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I was Dad joked by a 6 year old a couple days ago.

I went to an old friends place to catch up and his 6 year old son was running around, doing usual 6 year old kid things, when he suddenly stubbed his toe on the door frame.

He looks at me and says, "somebody call the Toe Truck!"

But I got him back after he said, "this is the armpit joke" and poked me in the armpit. I said "is it called the armpit joke because it stinks?"

Hah! Gotem!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CallMe_Dig_Baddy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2017
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Got Dad-Joked at dinner

My family was eating dinner, and my sister starts talking about how she sometimes sweats randomly out of her left armpit, She mentions it only happens in the left, and only slows down when she uses Men's Deodorants. My dad chirps in "Are you using Right Guard? You can use that on both sides, you know."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajj487
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2014
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar. Now get in the car. We're late.

Also, instead of saying "yes" or "no", my dad would say "Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back?" and "Does a snake have armpits?"

If I was standing in between him and the nearest Bruins game, I'd hear: "Hey Kleeb, you're a better door than a window, even though you're a pain."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kleeb
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2015
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My Dad's special occasion joke.

Whilst I really enjoy Dad jokes (why else would I be subscribed here) I cannot endorse this one at all, but every year or two Dad will break this one out at family gatherings, weddings and funerals.

A man was recently fired from his job and needed somewhere to make some money. Fortunately a circus was in town, so he went along to see if they had any vacancies.

When he walked onto the site he saw the main tent and walked in. The ringmaster came up to him and asked what he wanted.

"Can I have a job please?" said the man.

"Well what can you do?" replied the ringmaster.

The man thought about it for a bit before he knew what he was going to do. When it came to him he didn't say another word, but he brought his arms in like this (Dad proceeds to demonstrate by bringing his hand up to his armpits making wings) and started to flap his arms (Oh look, Dad's flapping his arms too).

Not much was happening at first, but slowly you could see his feet rise, ever so slowly off the ground. Eventually the man is a few meters off the ground, flapping his arms, but that's just the beginning.

He then flies to the top of the tent and starts speeding up, flying laps around the tent. He's showing off now, doing loop de loops and diving down. Eventually he feels he's shown his worth and lowers himself down to the ground.

He looks at the ringmaster and says "Well, what do you think?"

The ringmaster looks back and says "Is that all you can do?" (Long pause) "Bird Impressions?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Barabajagala
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2013
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In my opinion, people should wear different deodorants, one under each armpit.

But that’s just my two scents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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When I tell my friends that I wear two different deodorants, one under each armpit, they think I’m joking.

But that’s just my two scents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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I always encourage everyone I know to wear two different deodorants, one under each armpit.

But that’s just my two scents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
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