Nostril Puns

It's not right

But one man, born with extra sensitive smelling, has been providing free exams to the public to eradicate this new threat. Dr. Theodore Nose of UCH Hospital has a long line of patients waiting every morning, wanting the incredible accuracy of this man.

And as his secretary says...

No one's nose knows noses like Nose's nose knows noses.

Because they have big fingers.

... well anyway, it was a cute little booger.

All the other demons said, "curse you!"

Now it Stings with Every Breath I Take.

Because they have such large fingers

'Are you the friar? ' I asked him.

'No, I am the chip monk' he replied.

Edit : Holy crap ! More than 1K updoots for a silly joke ? Thanks guys ! I am not sure whether to be proud or ashamed of myself.

I said of course, it's aDell

Dad: thnx, I use both nostrils

Lock doors, stockpile and two runny nostrils

Your handbrake. (I could almost see the irritating smoke coming from her nostrils.)

Allow me to regale you with a couple tales illustrating my late dad's sense of humor. Last names faked because I'm not that stupid.

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(1). At a routine PTA meeting about me in my Georgia school, everyone found themselves packed into a hot and stuffy room waiting for the boredom to end. Shoulder to shoulder fun, can you picture it?

My dad lets one rip. It's loud, smelly, and echoes. The room falls silent as the fart invites itself unfavorably to the nostrils of those in attendance.

He turns to my mom and with his best shocked face says, "... Patty!"

I like to think he slept on the couch that night.

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(2). During my old man's wait for us to arrive at the new home he had bought, he had to deal with ongoing construction and roughed it at a hotel for a few nights. He was a retired Master Chief Machinist's Mate, so cramped quarters reminded him of the sub's nuclear engine room. No biggie.

An interview comes up for a civilian nuclear power plant nearby, and before you know it my dad's sitting before these stuffy, serious, wrinkly old board members and managers, having his (mostly military) resume picked through.

"Well Mister Smith, we're impressed. Twenty two years is no small amount of time to dedicate to the service. But do you feel you're qualified to operate and audit a civilian fission power plant?"

My dad thinks on it for a second.

"Well no, sir, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night."

He got the job immediately.

(For those needing the reference)

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Thanks for caring to read. I miss him a lot and this subreddit always reminds me of his sense of dry, quick humor. Take care!

Today I was home, helping my sister out with her application while she was at school. I come to the strengths and weaknesses part. He looks at me with a straight face and says, "Michael, do not put odor under strengths". cracks big smile nostrils flare..... oh, dad.

Uncle observes "no smoking" sign.

He's a smoker.

Pulls out two cigarettes.

I remind him he can't smoke.

Puts a cigarette in each nostril, turns to me and says;

"nose smoking"

Wife: What are the most annoying mountains in the world?

Me: I dunno.

Wife: [boops my nostrils] The poke-a-nose!

ring digiding

• Hello ?

• Do you know the nostril joke ?

• No ?

• STRIL !

Hangs up on me

My dad stuffed a tissue up his nostril and dug around for a second. He pulled it out, looked at it, and declared to me "I thought it was a booger, but it's snot."

Why do gorillas have such big nostrils?

Big fingers.

Today at lunch I dad-joked my wife.

wife: There was this guy who would come into my work, James Savage-
me: Oh, was he related to Randy?
wife: blank stare
me: ...Macho Man Savage?
wife: flared nostrils/large sigh/continues her story

Was in my calculus class and some kid went to get drinks from the vending machine...he and back mad and said, "don't use the vending machine on the 3rd floor, it gives you warm sodas." Guys next to me says, "well duh man, heat rises..." Groans were had, I gave it a good exhale through the nostrils.

Because they have big fingers.

They have big fingers.

Dad: I know, it’s because I use both of my nostrils