You know my left nostril is always stuffed up?

It doesn't get a lot of air time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FyreFlyre
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
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My left nostril is blocked

It's not right

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πŸ‘€︎ u/courtnieee2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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A new disease is sweeping the world. It's a type of nostril infection, very costly to test for

But one man, born with extra sensitive smelling, has been providing free exams to the public to eradicate this new threat. Dr. Theodore Nose of UCH Hospital has a long line of patients waiting every morning, wanting the incredible accuracy of this man.

And as his secretary says...

No one's nose knows noses like Nose's nose knows noses.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRichTookItAll
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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Why do gorillas have such big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ringless_Gyges
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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Did you hear about the lady who gave birth from her left nostril?

... well anyway, it was a cute little booger.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clintiepoo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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A man walks into a doctor's office with celery in one ear, peas in the other, and a carrot up each nostril, and says "Doc, I don't feel well". The doctor replies "It's because you aren't eating right."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thalpal317
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
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When Johnny Demon sneezed, fire came out his nostrils and the Earth rumbled.

All the other demons said, "curse you!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
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My nostril got cut when a buddy tossed a Police CD at me...

Now it Stings with Every Breath I Take.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ErikF
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2017
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I saw a really interesting documentary today.... It was why gorilla’s have such large nostrils!!!

Because they have such large fingers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skywalker556
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
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I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips...

'Are you the friar? ' I asked him.

'No, I am the chip monk' he replied.

Edit : Holy crap ! More than 1K updoots for a silly joke ? Thanks guys ! I am not sure whether to be proud or ashamed of myself.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aabesh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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My friend kept saying Music coming out of my Laptop always sound beautiful

I said of course, it's aDell

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cloud68
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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Son: dad you smell good

Dad: thnx, I use both nostrils

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yonris
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
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Guy Ritches started on a new film about a killer virus...

Lock doors, stockpile and two runny nostrils

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
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Riding shotgun with wife and asked her "what's up?" before she was about to drive away. She said "nothing, why?".

Your handbrake. (I could almost see the irritating smoke coming from her nostrils.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HerePussyFishy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2017
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Dadjoke from memory

Allow me to regale you with a couple tales illustrating my late dad's sense of humor. Last names faked because I'm not that stupid.

.

(1). At a routine PTA meeting about me in my Georgia school, everyone found themselves packed into a hot and stuffy room waiting for the boredom to end. Shoulder to shoulder fun, can you picture it?

My dad lets one rip. It's loud, smelly, and echoes. The room falls silent as the fart invites itself unfavorably to the nostrils of those in attendance.

He turns to my mom and with his best shocked face says, "... Patty!"

I like to think he slept on the couch that night.

.

(2). During my old man's wait for us to arrive at the new home he had bought, he had to deal with ongoing construction and roughed it at a hotel for a few nights. He was a retired Master Chief Machinist's Mate, so cramped quarters reminded him of the sub's nuclear engine room. No biggie.

An interview comes up for a civilian nuclear power plant nearby, and before you know it my dad's sitting before these stuffy, serious, wrinkly old board members and managers, having his (mostly military) resume picked through.

"Well Mister Smith, we're impressed. Twenty two years is no small amount of time to dedicate to the service. But do you feel you're qualified to operate and audit a civilian fission power plant?"

My dad thinks on it for a second.

"Well no, sir, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night."

He got the job immediately.

(For those needing the reference)

.

Thanks for caring to read. I miss him a lot and this subreddit always reminds me of his sense of dry, quick humor. Take care!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Morvick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2013
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I literally told my dad about this subreddit, to which he claimed, "I never make jokes like that".

Today I was home, helping my sister out with her application while she was at school. I come to the strengths and weaknesses part. He looks at me with a straight face and says, "Michael, do not put odor under strengths". cracks big smile nostrils flare..... oh, dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshPecksLegs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2015
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Childless uncle jokes

Uncle observes "no smoking" sign.

He's a smoker.

Pulls out two cigarettes.

I remind him he can't smoke.

Puts a cigarette in each nostril, turns to me and says;

"nose smoking"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/horrible_jokes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2013
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Wife got me

Wife: What are the most annoying mountains in the world?

Me: I dunno.

Wife: [boops my nostrils] The poke-a-nose!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PKMKII
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2015
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My friend dad joked me on the phone

ring digiding

  • Hello ?

  • Do you know the nostril joke ?

  • No ?

  • STRIL !

Hangs up on me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MadRedMC
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2014
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My dad being gross...

My dad stuffed a tissue up his nostril and dug around for a second. He pulled it out, looked at it, and declared to me "I thought it was a booger, but it's snot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ptomb
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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It was a proud day for me when my son was finally old enough to get this one.

Why do gorillas have such big nostrils?

Big fingers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freetattoo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2013
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Wrestling Relatives

Today at lunch I dad-joked my wife.

wife: There was this guy who would come into my work, James Savage-
me: Oh, was he related to Randy?
wife: blank stare
me: ...Macho Man Savage?
wife: flared nostrils/large sigh/continues her story

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πŸ‘€︎ u/martinzer0
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2014
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Warm sodas...

Was in my calculus class and some kid went to get drinks from the vending machine...he and back mad and said, "don't use the vending machine on the 3rd floor, it gives you warm sodas." Guys next to me says, "well duh man, heat rises..." Groans were had, I gave it a good exhale through the nostrils.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tha_dank
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2014
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Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/raaalphs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Why do gorillas have large nostrils?

They have big fingers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kuebic
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2017
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My sister: Wow dad, you smell good

Dad: I know, it’s because I use both of my nostrils

πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsAdani
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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