Under-age Weasel walks into a bar... orders a drink.
So an under-age weasel waltzes into the local bar one fine Friday. He asks the bartender,
"HEY! Whatcha got to drink here?"
Bartender checks his ID, replies with,
"Well sir, since you're not quite old enough, here are your options:
We got tap water, seltzer water, apple juice, orange juice, milk, coffee, tea, and pop."
"POP! Goes the Weasel."
π︎ 92
π
︎ May 31 2021
Why are the Dark Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because of all the Knights.
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 18 2021
What do you call a dog that doesnβt seem to age?
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 30 2021
Why does it take sailors ages to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C
π︎ 32
π
︎ May 02 2021
How long does it take to beat a Sega game backwards? Ages...
π︎ 192
π
︎ Mar 24 2021
A new pub opened up that allows minors over the age of twelve.
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 20 2021
Whatβs the oldest age someone could get a circumcision?
I just want to know the cutoff date.
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Oct 16 2020
Thousand and thousands of years ago, during the last ice age, there lived an animal that excelled at trigonometry, geometry, and could recite Pi to 100 decimal places. It was known simply as.....
.....the mammothematician.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 25 2021
At age 18 I lost both my kidneys...
...from that day in I had adult-neys.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Apr 03 2021
I havent read a book in ages. So i decided to start with a book of how clocks work.
π︎ 105
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
What do you call it when someone bellow the age of 18 has a problem
π︎ 80
π
︎ Dec 29 2020
Me to my teen age daughter in the grocery store while I hold a melon.
βYou cantaloupe! Your too youngβ
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 10 2021
At the age of 65, my Grandma started walking 5 miles a day.
She's 92 now. We have no idea where she is.
π︎ 105
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
Dad: when I was your age I ran a maratho
Son: you mean marathon.
Dad: no I didnβt finish it.
π︎ 304
π
︎ Oct 21 2020
The wife looked concerned when my son showed an interest in electricals at the age of 5.
He asked about the neutral wire.
I said "don't worry, its just a phase."
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys. Girls develop boobies around the age of thirteen...
...and boys develop them around the age of fortyβ¦
π︎ 20
π
︎ Dec 26 2020
You shouldn't discriminate against first graders based on their age.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
Watched Age of Ultron yesterday..
I still don't get why there was so much fighting over how old the guy was.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 23 2021
Why is the time period from 476 - 800 ad known as Dark Ages?
Because it was the time of knights.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
What do you call teenagers who pee in their pants at the age of 14?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
If Hermes was the messenger god, the he sure was lucky not to have met the god of pain and old age...
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
They found bones of a homisapien who lived before the ice age. Some say he was the first hipster...
since he lived on the earth before it was cool.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
What do you call the time period between the Bronze and Iron Ages where humans learned to cure meat?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 24 2020
My son asked if I picked my nose when I was his age.
I told him βno, I was born with itβ
π︎ 94
π
︎ Oct 07 2020
If old age is catching up with you ...
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
What is an appropriate age to tell my highway it's adopted?
I feel like the 66 route is a little late
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 15 2020
Apparently until the age of 10 ,
Sean Connery's son thought Humpty Dumpty, shat on the wall
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 27 2020
Out of all the inventions of the Bronze Age...
The shovel has to be the most groundbreaking of all
π︎ 29
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
Ive been reading this book called βThe A to Z of Northern Europeβ, but itβs taking me ages...
Not sure Iβll ever get to the Finish
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
What is the worst part about being a letter carrier in the middle ages?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 23 2020
When I turned 16, my dad told me it was time to get a job. βWhen I was your age, my very first job I had I worked with over 500 people under me.β...
βWow!β I said. βWas it some big corporation?β
βNo.β He replied, βI mowed the lawn in the cemetery.β
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Jul 28 2019
Middle age is when you have the choice of two temptations....
.....and you pick the one that will get you home earlier.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 19 2020
I hate it when people say age is only a number
π︎ 8k
π
︎ May 22 2019
Like most people my age...
π︎ 51
π
︎ Aug 07 2020
Dinosaur ages
π︎ 5k
π
︎ May 08 2019
My son is now at that age where he's curious about the human body.
I guess I'll have to hide it somewhere else now.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ May 05 2019
It's true whiskey improves with age.
The older I get the more I like it.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Aug 30 2020
What do you call a pig from the dinosaur age?
π︎ 22
π
︎ Jun 18 2020
My tree is very smart. At its current age, it understands all branches of mathematics. But when it was just a little sapling...
It only knew twigonometry
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jun 09 2020
At what age are people the coldest?
π︎ 37
π
︎ Apr 20 2020
What's the oldest age someone could get a circumcision ?
I just need to know the cut-off date.
π︎ 66
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boysβ¦
Girls develop tits around the age of thirteen, boys develop them around the age of fortyβ¦
π︎ 22
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
Why was it called the dark ages?
Because of all the knights.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Nov 05 2019
They called it the dark ages
Because there was so many knights
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 11 2020
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