Under-age Weasel walks into a bar... orders a drink.

So an under-age weasel waltzes into the local bar one fine Friday. He asks the bartender,

"HEY! Whatcha got to drink here?"

Bartender checks his ID, replies with,

"Well sir, since you're not quite old enough, here are your options:

We got tap water, seltzer water, apple juice, orange juice, milk, coffee, tea, and pop."

"POP! Goes the Weasel."

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlienOpium
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2021
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Why are the Dark Ages called the Dark Ages?

Because of all the Knights.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EphemeralDawn661
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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What do you call a dog that doesn’t seem to age?

Perpuptual

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/altgenetics
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
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Why does it take sailors ages to learn the alphabet?

Because they spend years at C

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DemonDoorknob
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
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How long does it take to beat a Sega game backwards? Ages...
πŸ‘︎ 192
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jason-29
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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A new pub opened up that allows minors over the age of twelve.

It's a pro-teen bar.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
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What’s the oldest age someone could get a circumcision?

I just want to know the cutoff date.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Thousand and thousands of years ago, during the last ice age, there lived an animal that excelled at trigonometry, geometry, and could recite Pi to 100 decimal places. It was known simply as.....

.....the mammothematician.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KCL80
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
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At age 18 I lost both my kidneys...

...from that day in I had adult-neys.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quwilaxitan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
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I havent read a book in ages. So i decided to start with a book of how clocks work.

It was about time!!

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robconone
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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What do you call it when someone bellow the age of 18 has a problem

A minor inconvenience

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jesus_the_gamer69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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Me to my teen age daughter in the grocery store while I hold a melon.

β€œYou cantaloupe! Your too young”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FroshPresident
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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At the age of 65, my Grandma started walking 5 miles a day.

She's 92 now. We have no idea where she is.

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gradymegalania
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Dad: when I was your age I ran a maratho

Son: you mean marathon.
Dad: no I didn’t finish it.

πŸ‘︎ 304
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πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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The wife looked concerned when my son showed an interest in electricals at the age of 5.

He asked about the neutral wire.

I said "don't worry, its just a phase."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/d3adeyeduck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys. Girls develop boobies around the age of thirteen...

...and boys develop them around the age of forty…

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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You shouldn't discriminate against first graders based on their age.

That's just sixist.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Griffy_42
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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Watched Age of Ultron yesterday..

I still don't get why there was so much fighting over how old the guy was.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyDumbHumor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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Why is the time period from 476 - 800 ad known as Dark Ages?

Because it was the time of knights.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/D3V1L420
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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What do you call teenagers who pee in their pants at the age of 14?

Peenagers

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/burijazz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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If Hermes was the messenger god, the he sure was lucky not to have met the god of pain and old age...

Arthrites.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elliptical_orbit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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They found bones of a homisapien who lived before the ice age. Some say he was the first hipster...

since he lived on the earth before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gunjeepcigarbeer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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What do you call the time period between the Bronze and Iron Ages where humans learned to cure meat?

The Sausages.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kiltebeest
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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My son asked if I picked my nose when I was his age.

I told him β€œno, I was born with it”

πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/edisonsucksdc
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
If old age is catching up with you ...

... walk faster.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vk6flab
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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What is an appropriate age to tell my highway it's adopted?

I feel like the 66 route is a little late

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWhenWrong
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Apparently until the age of 10 ,

Sean Connery's son thought Humpty Dumpty, shat on the wall

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Out of all the inventions of the Bronze Age...

The shovel has to be the most groundbreaking of all

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Harvie_B134
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Ive been reading this book called β€œThe A to Z of Northern Europe”, but it’s taking me ages...

Not sure I’ll ever get to the Finish

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamdecal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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What is the worst part about being a letter carrier in the middle ages?

All the chain mail.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CognitiveNerd1701
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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When I turned 16, my dad told me it was time to get a job. β€œWhen I was your age, my very first job I had I worked with over 500 people under me.”...

β€œWow!” I said. β€œWas it some big corporation?”

β€œNo.” He replied, β€œI mowed the lawn in the cemetery.”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Middle age is when you have the choice of two temptations....

.....and you pick the one that will get you home earlier.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate it when people say age is only a number

Age is clearly a word

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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Like most people my age...

I'm 50...

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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Dinosaur ages
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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My son is now at that age where he's curious about the human body.

I guess I'll have to hide it somewhere else now.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
🚨︎ report
It's true whiskey improves with age.

The older I get the more I like it.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/herumdegumff
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?

Moataboat

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ade_mcc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pig from the dinosaur age?

Jurassic pork.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IWaterboardKids
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My tree is very smart. At its current age, it understands all branches of mathematics. But when it was just a little sapling...

It only knew twigonometry

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-taco-rice-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
At what age are people the coldest?

When they're chill-dren.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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What's the oldest age someone could get a circumcision ?

I just need to know the cut-off date.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys…

Girls develop tits around the age of thirteen, boys develop them around the age of forty…

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was it called the dark ages?

Because of all the knights.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
They called it the dark ages

Because there was so many knights

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Original-boy2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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