My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp

I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
"Okay, I did learn one interesting thing," Gabe admitted.

He was finally doing the reading for his history class. "Did you know that Bin Laden was planning to blow up monuments in other American cities?"

"I bet St. Louis was next on his list," I nodded.

"How'd you know that, Dad?" he asked in surprise.

"Well, he was our arch-enemy."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cja1968
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I quizzed my daughter, "If there’s a bee in my hand, what’s in my eye?" Reluctantly, she admitted, "I have no idea. What?" I chuckled...

"Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
When Biden pressed Trump about his Chinese bank account, Trump admitted...

I lost Yuan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/holymolybreath
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Justin Timberlake admitted to being dyslexic.

Take a moment to let that N’Sync.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kayakman28
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Horse is admitted in a hospital

Horse: enters a doctor's clinic clears throat Doctor: You have ho(a)rseness

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ubbless
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
After the AA meeting, the ghost finally admitted it

He has a boos problem

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quisenburg
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife just admitted that she broke my favorite lamp.

I don’t think I can look at her in the same light ever again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
🚨︎ report
To what part of the hospital was the stalker admitted in to?

The ICU

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BisexualPangolin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A man was admitted to the hospital with 8 plastic horses in his stomach.

His condition is stable now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coadnamedalex
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
In a recent interview, Matt Damon admitted that he hates one of his most popular movie characters.

He wishes he’d never been Bourne.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
The watermelon is admitted without question into many households although...

it is always very seedy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghstmnky
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter admitted she doesn’t know what β€œcirca” means, and until now she’s been too afraid to ask.

β€œWell, it’s about time.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jetforcegemini
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My brother was just admitted to hospital after being absorbed into an electrical circuit.

The doctors wont let me see him in his Current condition...

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
A man was admitted to the hospital with six toy horses stuck in his bottom.

His condition was described as stable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sc0ttmcc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œDoc, my wife was just admitted to the hospital with violent butt spasms. Do you know where she is?”

Doctor: ICU baby, shaking that ass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are shoes never admitted into graveyards?

They still have a sole!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ALKRA-47
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
🚨︎ report
As we sat down at the table for dinner, I looked sheepishly at my family and admitted, "I learned a valuable lesson about speeding today and I'll definitely make sure it never happens again."

"I didn’t get pulled over or anything, it's just that I got to work 20 minutes early."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
🚨︎ report
A man has been admitted to hospital, smelling of horses and with hay sprouting from his ears.

Doctors say he is in a stable condition

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kiwicanary
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2018
🚨︎ report
My gay friend was admitted to the asylum yesterday.

I feel horrible that the only jackets they have are straight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBooks72
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
A man was admitted to the ER with 6 plastic horses in his rectum

The doctor told his worried family "he's doing fine and he's in stable condition"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hercules300AAC
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
🚨︎ report
A patient was admitted to the ICU last night.

The patient's neurological status was terrible last night when she came in. By morning, she looked much better and was able to communicate with us. While rounding on our patients, the attending asked the resident if the patient looked that much different the night before.

"Oh yeah, it was like night and day."

"Well I know it was night and day, but what about the patient?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bhatbhai
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2015
🚨︎ report
My friend recently admitted a brake fluid addiction.

I'm worried, but he said he can stop any time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JamaicanPineapple
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2013
🚨︎ report
My wife just admitted to me that she broke my favorite lamp.

I don’t think I’ll be able to look at her in the same light ever again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
A man was admitted to the hospital because he swallowed 8 plastic horses...

His condition is now stable

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GhostfromTexas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
🚨︎ report
A guy was admitted to the hospital with 8 plastic horses in his stomach.

His condition is stable now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coadnamedalex
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Earlier today a men was admitted to hospital due to 8 plastic horses in his stomach

His condition is now stable

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πŸ‘€︎ u/__Odelay__
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2018
🚨︎ report
A guy was admitted to hospital with 8 plastic horses in his stomach

His condition is now stable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/guilleloco
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2017
🚨︎ report

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