Accordingly Puns

Now what do I do about the rest of the animal?

Cyan Aura.

Oops... sorry, wrong thread !

It’s a mail dominated industry.

The bartender comes to him and says 'you look different now, is anything wrong'

Pirate: 'Oh nothing'

'What about your leg, where did it go'

'I boarded a ship, slipped and it got eaten by a shark'

'What about the hook, where did the hand go'

'I lost it in a heated swordfight'

'Then how did you get the eyepatch'

'I was cleaning the deck and a bird pooped in it'

'That doesn't make any sense, how can you get an eyepatch from a bird pooping in your eye'

'It was my first day with the hook'

According to a recent survey, 8 out of 10 people agree that they make up 80% of the population.

and yet according to Kraft Dinner, I’m a 4-person family

There is only 3 days till Xmas.

Alcohol is a solution.

They also have Alien, Alien 3 and Alien Resurrection - all on DVD.

I said no, it's okay I have Contacts
He said "I don't give a damn who you think you know"

It’s considered to be a personal fowl.

I Acts it says they were all in one accord.

According to NASA, in 600 million years, the moon's orbit will have increased enough that total solar eclipses will no longer be possible. After that point, the only total eclipses will be lunar and "of the heart".

So, Bill and Melinda Gates are getting a divorce She gets the house and He gets the Windows!

According to Melinda Gates, Bill just didn't Excel at his marriage. Apparently he had no Power Points while arguing, but he always had to have the last Word And now that he no longer had Access to her heart, the Outlook was not looking good for them. They couldn’t work together as Teams On the Surface they were a perfect couple, but deep down there was hardly any Kinect. He kept everything hidden like an X-Box and she never found it re- Azuring. The main reason she divorced Bill Gates because he was in Office365 days.

From now on no joke will be published without their scents of humour.

Fünf.

Never get over it.

It’s the first Indie movie.

An Accord,

“For I did not speak of my own Accord.” John 12:49

Dad: That’s sound advice.

But i like to have sex on my own Accord

To clarify, WHO let the dogs out

It will be my Civic duty.

It’s an extremely rare dish order.

people who are mean tend to be average.

This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.

Police say they're still at Large

I forgot to brush my teeth...

...according to the dictionary.

I should have taken it with a grain of salt

Tennessee

That's the most stupidest thing that I've ever heard.

I had to go to court and was wearing a suit and tie. My 10 year old daughter thought this was fantastic for dress up was very interested. I took this as a teachable moment and wanted to tell her about showing respect for your personal appearance and showing up professionally. So I asked her, do you know why I dressed like this? She said to be professional. I said I want to show that I respect myself and I have respect for the court so I dressed accordingly. She laughed and said, "You mean you dressed acourtingly."

tl;dr

Daughter dad joked me about wearing a suit about dressing accourtingly

He always said i took up space in school.

That makes ketchup a smoothie!

They aren’t having a gay old time anymore.

She says she either feels very manic, or quite depressed - never a happy medium.

(According to my facebook memories, I made this one up 7 years ago!)

The other 50% don't know grammer and speling.

"A-maize-ing!" I exclaimed.

I was asked to stop laughing because I was "causing a scene."

Cyan-aura.

....there's only 3 days left till Xmas

Cyan-aura.

Cyan-aura.

My dad: WHO?

Never get over it.