My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
My female cat just got fixed, but the vet insisted on referring to it as "feline ovarian removal".
Look, sometimes you have to call a spayed a spayed.
Conversation with my daughter this morning, referring to one of her friends
My Daughter: Sara is so tall, she must have tall genes.
Me: her jeans have to be tall otherwise her ankles would show.
My girlfriend asked my to buy the “classy milk” when referring to kefir...
I've been relentlessly referring to Thanksgiving as "T Gives" for the last 3 days...
My 8 year old just got so pissed off she threw my phone at me from across the car. Worth it!
This is one my dad told me when referring to a carny
Dad: Yeah, that guy has summer teeth.
Me: Sumer teeth? What do you mean!
Dad: Summer this way, summer that way!
I'm sick and tired of people referring to meth users as tweakers.
The politically correct term is Methican Americans.
Sorry if it's been posted before, my dad actually told me this one a few nights ago and I had to post it.
Help ! I am running out of bomb puns ! Details inside.
So, me and my group of friends recently started a gag going on one of our friends. She rolls with it, so it's okay.
So we just mess around with puns like "You're the bomb", "You've got an explosive personality", any bomb or explosion reference/pun we can make when talking with her or about her basically.
However, we are running out of puns.
Anyone got suggestions ?
Is it hard to find a two letter pronoun that can be used to refer to oneself as an object?
Don't know if this was posted here before
Quick reference for Star Wars: Chewie is short for Chewbacca, Ben Kenobi is short for Obi-Wan Kenobi...
...and Luke Skywalker is short for a storm trooper
I asked my doctor if he could refer me to a specialist about my addiction to board games. Draughts, Snakes and ladders, Scrabble....
He asked "Any Chess?"
So I said no, I'd rather go private.
It’s been years since the show ended, and I’m a little annoyed that people are still making ‘Friends’ references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
originally posted on r/tumblr by u/MaetelofLaMetal
What do you call a reference book on drugs?
My wife left me because I made too many Linkin Park references
But in the end, it doesn't even matter
What’s the difference between in-laws & out-laws?
Did you know that Mortal Kombat was actually based on an old Scandinavian worship song?
I’m not sure why people refer to women’s privates as a flower
My dad keeps sneaking bird references into his sentences
Well, toucan play that game.
Stolen from Dad Jokes
Why was Humpty Dumpty referred to a psychiatrist?
No one will listen to White Snake with me
SO here I go again on my own
My wife left me because I made too many Green Day references
Do you have the time to listen to me whine
I got kicked out of my poetry club because I made too many Linkin Park references
But who could rock a rhyme like this?
I always confuse yakuza with Jacuzzi.
I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.
do you think the builders used a pic for reference?
I like to imagine a world where "sword" is a swear word...
Where you have to tell your children not to say the "S"-word.
What's Mario's favourite material?
What do you call a paper airplane that can't fly?
What do you call two humans that share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
Reference, for those of you that did not pay attention during secondary-level biology class - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Primate
I decided to sell my vacuum...
It was only collecting dust.
When Shaquille O’Neal gives you a birthday card, he always signs it with a reference to his favorite 80’s song.
A hard learned lesson to all the dads out there, with wives who’ve had C-Sections.
Don’t ever refer to her as your little zip-lock bag.
If you had a Tesla and it got stolen...
Would it now be an Edison?
Mississippians don't refer to their wives as their old lady
They refer to them as their Ole Miss
My professor asked me why did I put only one of the three authors as a reference.
I said that I didn’t feel tempted to do so et. al
In Germany, is it appropriate to refer to it as 21:00
How do you refer to cheese in Japan ?
Why does Compton have the best cell data?
Because they have the most G’s.
Those who worship sweet potatoes
Refer to god as the I Yam
(Forgive me 😬)
Why did the wizard’s wife have hickeys on her neck?
Because he was a neck-romancer.
A friend of mine thinks he's an expert on tree types.
He refers to himself as a conifer
What has five toes but isn't your foot?
My foot.
Edit: Thanks a lot guys for the awards and upvotes. ;) :)
My cousin posted two jokes on this sub, but the mods deleted both of them.
He is my cousin, twice [removed]
After work why does Barack wants to be referred to as Al?
Because sweet home Al Obama....
I can’t believe people are still making “Friends” references 15 years after the show ended.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
I can’t believe that even after 15 years, I would still hear people making “Friends” references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
I can’t believe that even after 15 years of the show ending, people are still making “Friends” references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
It’s been more than 15 years since the show was over, but people are still making ‘Friends’ references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
I can’t believe that even after 15 years, I would still hear people making “Friends” references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
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