I was on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies...

Is this a trick question?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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Whenever a book publisher refuses to accept my hand-delivered unsolicited autobiography, I usually just squeeze it as hard as I can with my thighs...

so that it's easier to walk away with my tale between my legs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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Why didn't the Justice League accept the Adobe Sponsorship?

Because it would have required them to kill Flash.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoDragonsPlz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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Y’all hear about that country barber who accepts venison as payment, but only does bowl cuts?

Says he just wants to give folks the most bangs for their buck.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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Just accepted new job at a bicycle factory

Gonna be their spokes person

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πŸ‘€︎ u/larryb78
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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I hear astronaut schools are now accepting cats, and it only costs $2...

It's a catastrophe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NGEddie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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Self-Depreciation Society accepting new applicants

I already put myself down

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickatier_Carbs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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Orcas are love spouting and accepting homosexuwhales
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MartianGlassner
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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Got offered a voice-acting role in the new Emoji movie sequel. They want me to play the Poop Emoji. People say I should accept the role and be grateful, but I’m holding out for a classier part...

...I will not be deterred!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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I got fired today because a customer wanted to buy a bagel with cream cheese....

I told them we only accept cash.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeetsampat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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I am finally ready to accept applications for my deer cloning business...

It's for anyone looking to make a quick buck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shercroft
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Is it acceptable for a non-dad to post a joke here?

Or would that be a faux pa?

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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My dad came out as trans so we accepted him as a man, my mom came out as trans so we accepted her as a woman.

It was honestly a surprise but at least they were both Trans-Parent about it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elemental55555
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Womb-mates is an acceptable term for twins
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lvl100mafia_boss
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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Kissing someone is human version of accepting germs and conditions
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TickleLife
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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I could never accept a two-year sentence. I just don’t have that much to say.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/equiinferno
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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I heard about a politician who was caught accepting bribes from a jean company.

He’s in the pocket of big pants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Arthur24
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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Sorry to hear your dad was hit by a boat in Venice.

Please accept my Gondolances.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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Why did the egyptians have trouble with acceptance?

Because the were in de-Nile.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Reader91-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley

He was in Denali.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumbwaeguk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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Where's the one place it's acceptable to drink and drive?

The golf tee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BanjosRuleDude
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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What kind of nuts only accept credit card payments?

Cashews

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πŸ‘€︎ u/soloazn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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Fridge noise

Our refrigerator makes a hissing noise when the freezer is defrosting. Yesterday my son said, β€œThe fridge stopped hissing at me.”

I said, β€œI think it’s finally accepted you as a member of the pack. You’re officially cool.”

He turned away from me so I wouldn’t see him laughing. I count it as a win.

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πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
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Am I accepted into med school now?

I was going to a fencing tournament with my teammates. In our hotel the night before, while unpacking, one of my teammates hit her head on a lamp. Rushing over I asked her if she was ok, or if she was feeling light-headed.

(Don't worry, she was perfectly ok)

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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A man can fly

So there was a man and woman at a bar. The man says "I bet you 5 bucks this magic water will make me fly!" the woman clearly didn't believe him so she accepted the bet. Sure enough the man jumps off the roof and flies for a bit until he gently goes back to the ground. The girl was amazed! She said "You should market this stuff." "You could make millions!" Still in shock she asks for a drink. She takes a swig and a small crowd forms because this girl is about to jump off of a building. She jumps off and falls onto the pavement. The guy is laughing his head off. Suddenly someone shouts from the crowd "You're a mean drunk superman!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoesMemories
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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Why didn’t the man book an appointment with the doctor who said she only accepts patients with personal gifts?

He was asimptomatic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sinnoh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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If you move to a Polynesian country and wonder if the natives will accept you, just know there will be

Samoans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Please accept my Heart Felt thanks.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrShaunce
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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What country does not accept cash or credit cards ?

The Czech Republic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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My college friend got accepted to a social group by having to float out in the bay to mark a channel for their boats....

He was a frat buoy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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My neighbour said he'd look after my dog if I accepted the fact that he's currently dating a punctuation mark.

He's a comma dating.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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My neighbour and I became good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.

We got a long well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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My girlfriend just couldn’t accept my obsession with horoscopes

In the end it Taurus apart

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lewwap
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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Do you accept random Facebook requests?

Asking for a friend.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you accept the cookies?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sonujohny
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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English sucks sometimes πŸ˜‚
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mohammed_ziyadh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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Hi,I was told this was acceptable her
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dankestmemes2021
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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I tried to get my wife to accept my apology after saying her skin was like leather

But she's not suede

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cinema_King
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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Massive protest spread across Madrid earlier today to protest the nation's Supreme Court ruling that bans tattoos.

Nobody accepts the Spanish ink decision.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Somethinggood4
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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People who died penny less didn't accept change
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainCarterX1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
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When is it acceptable to react to a table?

Periodically.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrispyMiner
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Is it acceptable to tell dad jokes if you don't have kids....?

....or is it a faux pa?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WeeBitVideo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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Why did the fish accept its death after losing its respiratory organs?

Because it lost the gill to live.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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I got banned from Hawaii for having a loud laugh

All they accept is a low ha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/solanimus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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I wanted to name our son Miles but my wife thought we should go with something more universally accepted.

So we named him Kilometers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/byebyebyecycle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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PSA Don't accept friend requests from Hormel.

Could be spam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeltaGolfDelta
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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I am unable to support the "fat-acceptance" movement

Because they're too heavy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaxyCat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Just been to a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies !!!!

Is that a trick question.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Customer: "I'd like to buy a bagel with cream cheese."

Cashier: "Sorry, we only accept cash."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
So sorry to hear your uncle was hit by a boat in Venice.

Please accept my gondolances.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report

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