I was on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies...
Is this a trick question?
Whenever a book publisher refuses to accept my hand-delivered unsolicited autobiography, I usually just squeeze it as hard as I can with my thighs...
so that it's easier to walk away with my tale between my legs.
Why didn't the Justice League accept the Adobe Sponsorship?
Because it would have required them to kill Flash.
Y’all hear about that country barber who accepts venison as payment, but only does bowl cuts?
Says he just wants to give folks the most bangs for their buck.
Just accepted new job at a bicycle factory
Gonna be their spokes person
I hear astronaut schools are now accepting cats, and it only costs $2...
Self-Depreciation Society accepting new applicants
I already put myself down
Orcas are love spouting and accepting homosexuwhales
Got offered a voice-acting role in the new Emoji movie sequel. They want me to play the Poop Emoji. People say I should accept the role and be grateful, but I’m holding out for a classier part...
...I will not be deterred!!
I got fired today because a customer wanted to buy a bagel with cream cheese....
I told them we only accept cash.
I am finally ready to accept applications for my deer cloning business...
It's for anyone looking to make a quick buck.
Is it acceptable for a non-dad to post a joke here?
Or would that be a faux pa?
My dad came out as trans so we accepted him as a man, my mom came out as trans so we accepted her as a woman.
It was honestly a surprise but at least they were both Trans-Parent about it.
Womb-mates is an acceptable term for twins
Kissing someone is human version of accepting germs and conditions
I could never accept a two-year sentence. I just don’t have that much to say.
I heard about a politician who was caught accepting bribes from a jean company.
He’s in the pocket of big pants.
Sorry to hear your dad was hit by a boat in Venice.
Please accept my Gondolances.
Why did the egyptians have trouble with acceptance?
Because the were in de-Nile.
My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley
Where's the one place it's acceptable to drink and drive?
What kind of nuts only accept credit card payments?
Fridge noise
Our refrigerator makes a hissing noise when the freezer is defrosting. Yesterday my son said, “The fridge stopped hissing at me.”
I said, “I think it’s finally accepted you as a member of the pack. You’re officially cool.”
He turned away from me so I wouldn’t see him laughing. I count it as a win.
Am I accepted into med school now?
I was going to a fencing tournament with my teammates. In our hotel the night before, while unpacking, one of my teammates hit her head on a lamp. Rushing over I asked her if she was ok, or if she was feeling light-headed.
(Don't worry, she was perfectly ok)
A man can fly
So there was a man and woman at a bar. The man says "I bet you 5 bucks this magic water will make me fly!" the woman clearly didn't believe him so she accepted the bet. Sure enough the man jumps off the roof and flies for a bit until he gently goes back to the ground. The girl was amazed! She said "You should market this stuff." "You could make millions!" Still in shock she asks for a drink. She takes a swig and a small crowd forms because this girl is about to jump off of a building. She jumps off and falls onto the pavement. The guy is laughing his head off. Suddenly someone shouts from the crowd "You're a mean drunk superman!"
Why didn’t the man book an appointment with the doctor who said she only accepts patients with personal gifts?
If you move to a Polynesian country and wonder if the natives will accept you, just know there will be
Please accept my Heart Felt thanks.
What country does not accept cash or credit cards ?
My college friend got accepted to a social group by having to float out in the bay to mark a channel for their boats....
My neighbour said he'd look after my dog if I accepted the fact that he's currently dating a punctuation mark.
My neighbour and I became good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.
My girlfriend just couldn’t accept my obsession with horoscopes
In the end it Taurus apart
Do you accept random Facebook requests?
Do you accept the cookies?
English sucks sometimes 😂
Hi,I was told this was acceptable her
I tried to get my wife to accept my apology after saying her skin was like leather
Massive protest spread across Madrid earlier today to protest the nation's Supreme Court ruling that bans tattoos.
Nobody accepts the Spanish ink decision.
People who died penny less didn't accept change
When is it acceptable to react to a table?
Is it acceptable to tell dad jokes if you don't have kids....?
Why did the fish accept its death after losing its respiratory organs?
Because it lost the gill to live.
I got banned from Hawaii for having a loud laugh
All they accept is a low ha
I wanted to name our son Miles but my wife thought we should go with something more universally accepted.
So we named him Kilometers
PSA Don't accept friend requests from Hormel.
I am unable to support the "fat-acceptance" movement
Because they're too heavy
Just been to a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies !!!!
Is that a trick question.
Customer: "I'd like to buy a bagel with cream cheese."
Cashier: "Sorry, we only accept cash."
So sorry to hear your uncle was hit by a boat in Venice.
Please accept my gondolances.
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