I was on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies...

Is this a trick question?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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Y’all hear about that country barber who accepts venison as payment, but only does bowl cuts?

Says he just wants to give folks the most bangs for their buck.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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Just accepted new job at a bicycle factory

Gonna be their spokes person

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πŸ‘€︎ u/larryb78
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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Self-Depreciation Society accepting new applicants

I already put myself down

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickatier_Carbs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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Got offered a voice-acting role in the new Emoji movie sequel. They want me to play the Poop Emoji. People say I should accept the role and be grateful, but I’m holding out for a classier part...

...I will not be deterred!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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Orcas are love spouting and accepting homosexuwhales
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MartianGlassner
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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I am finally ready to accept applications for my deer cloning business...

It's for anyone looking to make a quick buck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shercroft
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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My dad came out as trans so we accepted him as a man, my mom came out as trans so we accepted her as a woman.

It was honestly a surprise but at least they were both Trans-Parent about it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elemental55555
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Is it acceptable for a non-dad to post a joke here?

Or would that be a faux pa?

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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Womb-mates is an acceptable term for twins
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lvl100mafia_boss
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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I heard about a politician who was caught accepting bribes from a jean company.

He’s in the pocket of big pants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Arthur24
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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Kissing someone is human version of accepting germs and conditions
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TickleLife
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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Why did the egyptians have trouble with acceptance?

Because the were in de-Nile.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Reader91-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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I could never accept a two-year sentence. I just don’t have that much to say.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/equiinferno
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley

He was in Denali.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumbwaeguk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.

I said okay... Bi den.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikhillala7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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Where's the one place it's acceptable to drink and drive?

The golf tee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BanjosRuleDude
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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What kind of nuts only accept credit card payments?

Cashews

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πŸ‘€︎ u/soloazn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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Am I accepted into med school now?

I was going to a fencing tournament with my teammates. In our hotel the night before, while unpacking, one of my teammates hit her head on a lamp. Rushing over I asked her if she was ok, or if she was feeling light-headed.

(Don't worry, she was perfectly ok)

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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Customer: "I'd like to buy a bagel with cream cheese."

Cashier: "Sorry, we only accept cash."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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Why didn’t the man book an appointment with the doctor who said she only accepts patients with personal gifts?

He was asimptomatic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sinnoh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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If you move to a Polynesian country and wonder if the natives will accept you, just know there will be

Samoans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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What country does not accept cash or credit cards ?

The Czech Republic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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Please accept my Heart Felt thanks.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrShaunce
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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My neighbour and I became good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.

We got a long well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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My college friend got accepted to a social group by having to float out in the bay to mark a channel for their boats....

He was a frat buoy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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Massive protest spread across Madrid earlier today to protest the nation's Supreme Court ruling that bans tattoos.

Nobody accepts the Spanish ink decision.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Somethinggood4
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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So sorry to hear your uncle was hit by a boat in Venice.

Please accept my gondolances.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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My neighbour said he'd look after my dog if I accepted the fact that he's currently dating a punctuation mark.

He's a comma dating.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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Do you accept random Facebook requests?

Asking for a friend.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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English sucks sometimes πŸ˜‚
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mohammed_ziyadh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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My girlfriend just couldn’t accept my obsession with horoscopes

In the end it Taurus apart

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lewwap
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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I got banned from Hawaii for having a loud laugh

All they accept is a low ha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/solanimus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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Do you accept the cookies?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sonujohny
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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Hi,I was told this was acceptable her
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dankestmemes2021
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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I tried to get my wife to accept my apology after saying her skin was like leather

But she's not suede

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cinema_King
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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People who died penny less didn't accept change
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainCarterX1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
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When is it acceptable to react to a table?

Periodically.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrispyMiner
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
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A guy is sitting on his couch bored.

He decides he wants to spice up his day and call his dealer. He asks his dealer, "hey, do you have anything new I haven't tried?" His dealer responds, "I just got some new weed named after old cartoon characters! It's some potent stuff!" The guy accepts this and meets up with the dealer. When he gets back home, he goes to roll a joint and finds that it just doesn't want to stay rolled and keeps coming apart. Frustrated, he calls the dealer back. "This shit just won't stay rolled! What did you sell me?" The dealer responds, "that's just how the scooby doobie do!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ahh-potatoes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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Is it acceptable to tell dad jokes if you don't have kids....?

....or is it a faux pa?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WeeBitVideo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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Why did the fish accept its death after losing its respiratory organs?

Because it lost the gill to live.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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PSA Don't accept friend requests from Hormel.

Could be spam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeltaGolfDelta
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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I wanted to name our son Miles but my wife thought we should go with something more universally accepted.

So we named him Kilometers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/byebyebyecycle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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I am unable to support the "fat-acceptance" movement

Because they're too heavy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaxyCat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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I met a woman once at a party celebrating my father's 50th birthday.

We got to talking and I found out she worked as a stunt double on some pretty big name movie sets. She looked to be at least 10 years my senior but very fit and attractive and we both seemed to really be hitting it off.

Because all the immediate family in the local area had thrown a smaller, more private celebration for my father a few days prior, I didn't really feel a need to stick around any longer, so I asked the woman if she was interested in sharing some drinks with me at the nearby Hilton where I was staying. She happily accepted.

Suddenly, I turned towards the sound of my father's voice cheerfully calling out the name "Andra" (pronounced ON-druh) and my own as he approached. Andra, the woman I had been speaking with, turned towards him, glanced quickly back at me, then looked back again at my father and with a disconcerted look on her face exclaimed, "Oh brother!"

And that's when I realized the double, Aunt Andra.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A__Wild__Goose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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Nothing runs a pun like bad spelling, accept poor grammar's.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neversaiddie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
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My barber wanted me to sign a long term service agreement before giving me a haircut, but I refused!

I just couldn't accept all those perms and conditions!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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Im gonna start making batting cage business that only accepts pennies, dimes,quarters, half dollars, and dollar coins

Gonna call it Nickel-less Cage

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boxymcboxbox
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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Just been to a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies !!!!

Is that a trick question.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report

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