I was on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies...
Is this a trick question?
Y’all hear about that country barber who accepts venison as payment, but only does bowl cuts?
Says he just wants to give folks the most bangs for their buck.
Just accepted new job at a bicycle factory
Gonna be their spokes person
Self-Depreciation Society accepting new applicants
I already put myself down
Got offered a voice-acting role in the new Emoji movie sequel. They want me to play the Poop Emoji. People say I should accept the role and be grateful, but I’m holding out for a classier part...
...I will not be deterred!!
Orcas are love spouting and accepting homosexuwhales
I am finally ready to accept applications for my deer cloning business...
It's for anyone looking to make a quick buck.
My dad came out as trans so we accepted him as a man, my mom came out as trans so we accepted her as a woman.
It was honestly a surprise but at least they were both Trans-Parent about it.
Is it acceptable for a non-dad to post a joke here?
Or would that be a faux pa?
Womb-mates is an acceptable term for twins
I heard about a politician who was caught accepting bribes from a jean company.
He’s in the pocket of big pants.
Kissing someone is human version of accepting germs and conditions
Why did the egyptians have trouble with acceptance?
Because the were in de-Nile.
I could never accept a two-year sentence. I just don’t have that much to say.
My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley
My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.
Where's the one place it's acceptable to drink and drive?
What kind of nuts only accept credit card payments?
Am I accepted into med school now?
I was going to a fencing tournament with my teammates. In our hotel the night before, while unpacking, one of my teammates hit her head on a lamp. Rushing over I asked her if she was ok, or if she was feeling light-headed.
(Don't worry, she was perfectly ok)
Customer: "I'd like to buy a bagel with cream cheese."
Cashier: "Sorry, we only accept cash."
Why didn’t the man book an appointment with the doctor who said she only accepts patients with personal gifts?
If you move to a Polynesian country and wonder if the natives will accept you, just know there will be
What country does not accept cash or credit cards ?
Please accept my Heart Felt thanks.
My neighbour and I became good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.
My college friend got accepted to a social group by having to float out in the bay to mark a channel for their boats....
Massive protest spread across Madrid earlier today to protest the nation's Supreme Court ruling that bans tattoos.
Nobody accepts the Spanish ink decision.
So sorry to hear your uncle was hit by a boat in Venice.
Please accept my gondolances.
My neighbour said he'd look after my dog if I accepted the fact that he's currently dating a punctuation mark.
Do you accept random Facebook requests?
English sucks sometimes 😂
My girlfriend just couldn’t accept my obsession with horoscopes
In the end it Taurus apart
I got banned from Hawaii for having a loud laugh
All they accept is a low ha
Do you accept the cookies?
Hi,I was told this was acceptable her
I tried to get my wife to accept my apology after saying her skin was like leather
People who died penny less didn't accept change
When is it acceptable to react to a table?
A guy is sitting on his couch bored.
He decides he wants to spice up his day and call his dealer. He asks his dealer, "hey, do you have anything new I haven't tried?" His dealer responds, "I just got some new weed named after old cartoon characters! It's some potent stuff!" The guy accepts this and meets up with the dealer. When he gets back home, he goes to roll a joint and finds that it just doesn't want to stay rolled and keeps coming apart. Frustrated, he calls the dealer back. "This shit just won't stay rolled! What did you sell me?" The dealer responds, "that's just how the scooby doobie do!"
Is it acceptable to tell dad jokes if you don't have kids....?
Why did the fish accept its death after losing its respiratory organs?
Because it lost the gill to live.
PSA Don't accept friend requests from Hormel.
I wanted to name our son Miles but my wife thought we should go with something more universally accepted.
So we named him Kilometers
I am unable to support the "fat-acceptance" movement
Because they're too heavy
I met a woman once at a party celebrating my father's 50th birthday.
We got to talking and I found out she worked as a stunt double on some pretty big name movie sets. She looked to be at least 10 years my senior but very fit and attractive and we both seemed to really be hitting it off.
Because all the immediate family in the local area had thrown a smaller, more private celebration for my father a few days prior, I didn't really feel a need to stick around any longer, so I asked the woman if she was interested in sharing some drinks with me at the nearby Hilton where I was staying. She happily accepted.
Suddenly, I turned towards the sound of my father's voice cheerfully calling out the name "Andra" (pronounced ON-druh) and my own as he approached. Andra, the woman I had been speaking with, turned towards him, glanced quickly back at me, then looked back again at my father and with a disconcerted look on her face exclaimed, "Oh brother!"
And that's when I realized the double, Aunt Andra.
Nothing runs a pun like bad spelling, accept poor grammar's.
My barber wanted me to sign a long term service agreement before giving me a haircut, but I refused!
I just couldn't accept all those perms and conditions!
Im gonna start making batting cage business that only accepts pennies, dimes,quarters, half dollars, and dollar coins
Gonna call it Nickel-less Cage
Just been to a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies !!!!
Is that a trick question.
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