So I packed her things and left.
I told him "Yer in trouble."
Wife made asian food for dinner last night, Tofu/Rice/Veggies/Chicken Wontons.
Toddler is killing the wontons and we teach him how to say "wonton" so he can ask for more correctly.
As he's stuffing another piece into his mouth I ask him "hey bubba, do you like wontons?"
To which my son replies, "No..like twotons"
My son's first joke and it's a dad joke...i'm just so proud lol....
Then Soviet...
Hand Eyeeeeeeee!
I work at a beer brewery where we give tours. We can dress up tomorrow and Iβm a pirate. What are so beer-related pirate puns? Iβm at the end of my plank here.
Because they would be Knight Wights.
The captain tells his crew to go out into the town and spend some well earned time off, but to be back at midnight. The crew all go into town and the captain stays in his quarters on the ship.
Midnight comes and the crew still aren't back, so the captain figures they'll all be at the tavern having a drink so he walks in and finds it empty. The captain approaches the bartender and says "YARR, have ye seen me Buccaneers?" , the bartender turn to him and says "YEAH, they're on the side of your buckin' head under yer buckin' hat!".
Because chernobyl fallout...
Who's there?
Yerbina
Yerbina who?
Yer bein' a doofus again.
I told my son that pirating isn't learned, its in yer heart...
He asked when he will becone a pirate, to which i replied...
"Yardy arrr"
No eye-deer! (Say it in yer best southern accent)
So we were having a family dinner, and my cousin didn't eat one of her pieces of chicken (she said she was full). She then jumped at the mention of pudding. So, I put on my best Scottish accent, and said to her: "IF YA DON'T EAT YER MEAT, YA CAN'T HAVE ANY PUDDING! HOW CAN YA HAVE ANY PUDDING IF YOU DON'T EAT YER MEAT?!"
Whenever I would be taking a leak, my dad used to walk by the bathroom and go "Hey are you from France? 'Cause yer-a-peein!"
Or if I ever said "I'm gonna go take a crap" he'd say "ew you're gonna take one?! Why don't you just leave it?"
