I procrastinated and now have to do all the work for my Middle English literature class in a couple days...

Yes, I'm Canterburied.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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I'm going to name my son Violence.

If he's smart, I can tell my friends that Violence solves problems.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ‘€︎ u/micronerd01
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2016
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A class of third graders are sitting down at their desks one morning when their teacher walks in.

β€œGood morning class, today we’ll be working on our English. Can someone use the word Fascinate in a sentence for me?”

Little girl in the front row raises her hand high, squirming in her seat. β€œThe stars last night were fascinating.”

Teacher looks at her and says,”Close, I want you to use the word Fascinate.”

A boy near the middle of the room stands up and says,”I’m fascinated by the ocean and it’s creatures.”

β€œThat’s still not the answer I’m looking for.” The teacher says. β€œCan anyone give me an example of Fascinate in a sentence.”

A quiet boy in the back stands up, clears his throat and says,”My grandmother came over last night wearing her new dress. It has ten buttons in the the front but her boobies are so big she can only fasten eight of them.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/LiCill666
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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Was boarding an airplane from Rome to Hungary...

A lot of Hungarians and a few Romans lining up with me (alone) at the terminal. I can hear that they speak English, they're all murmuring to each other. At the last second our terminal gets changed and we have to leave the airplane we were lined up to board behind. Instead we walk down another terminal that leads to some stairs that leads onto a bus.

We all pack in, I'm positioned somewhere in the middle of the masses when I announce "This is a funny looking airplane!"

EVERYONE looks at me. Not a smile. Not a smirk. Nothing.

I crack up laughing at how funny I am.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zombait
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2015
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On a trip to Universal Studios

This was quite a while ago, I was probably in middle school (currently 26). My family took a quick day trip to Universal Studios Hollywood since we live in the greater LA area. Now to set the scene, my dad is a native of Mexico but has lived here since his late teens so his English is pretty good with a tinge of an accent since Spanish is his primary language. We park in the parking garage on property and we do the usual "make a mental note of where we parked for later". That's when I see a smirk come across his face as he turns to me laughing under his breath.

-"What's so funny?"

-"Notice where we parked?"

-"Yeah. Jurassic Park lot, 3B"

Cue dad

-"Jurassic Park..." half expecting me to laugh. He continues "Jurassic Park... Jurr-Ass-is-Parked"


As terrible as it was at the time, I've tried to pull this joke out with friends years later, eye rolls and crickets. Thanks dad.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/lpmark04
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2015
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