The blockage of the Suez shipping canal is going to cause a worldwide shortage of toilet paper....

Unfortunately I ran out of toilet paper already so started using lettuce leaves. Today was the tip of the iceberg.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you do when there's worldwide revolution going on?

You just call it a day.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deadDrifters
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Which symptom is shared by all the politicians worldwide?

Constipation. They are always full of shit.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
The Chinese Coronavirus is really starting to kick people’s ass worldwide.

Should call it, Kung Flu.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DGNOLA12
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
🚨︎ report
The Novel Coronavirus has become a worldwide health emergency

WHO cares

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Worldwide, I'm the best professional that uses stilts.

I'm at the height of my career.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the biggest cause of dry skin worldwide?

Towels

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jdollard333
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
PRO TIP: The biggest myth about travel is "packing light" - don't bother! Light is available from the sun and artificial sources worldwide.
πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Diok22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad jokes are worldwide

I'm brazilian and in Brazilian portuguese is very common to ask something from someone (mainly food) by saying "me dΓ‘ um pouco/pouquinho disso?" (which means "would you give me a little of that?")

Everytime I do that to my dad, he uses two fingers to take the tiniest possible slice of the thing and give to me in my hand or plate with the most serious face possible. If I complain he procceeds to say something like "you asked a little, didn't you?". My mom everytime laughs at that.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lKauany
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2013
🚨︎ report
I used to be part of a worldwide clandestine organization that sold adult toys made from lightweight metal.

We called ourselves β€œThe AluminumNaughty”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skarkroe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2017
🚨︎ report
The next Fast and Furious movie about racing worldwide is called...

Continental Drift.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2014
🚨︎ report
Turns out that the coronavirus is set to cost the world 2.5% of the global GDP if it continues at the rate it's going.

It's very influenzial on the worldwide market.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFillywonk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A horse is sitting at home watching MTV

A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the horse. "I'm a horse."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach horses. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the horse gets really good at the guitar and he can play that amazing solo. He wants to show his friends, so he picks up the phone and calls chicken.

"Hey Chicken, come over!" he says. Chicken comes over, watches horse play the guitar and thinks it's pretty cool. Chicken watches the music video and says "hey, that drum part is pretty cool, I want to learn to play that."

Chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play the drums." Says the chicken.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the chicken. "I'm a chicken."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach chickens. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the chicken gets really good and begins to jam with the horse. Eventually, they think that something's missing. They watch the video again and realize they need a bass guitarist. They call their friend Cow and show them what they've been up to. Cow thinks it's pretty cool, and wants to learn how to play the bass guitar.

Cow goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play bass guitar." Says the cow.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the cow. "I'm a cow."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach cows. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the cow gets really good at the bass and the animals have a nice band going.

One day, while they're practicing, a man walks by and hears them. He goes up to the animals and says "hey, you guys are pretty good! I'm from a record label, I'd like to sign you!"

The band records an album, puts out some singles and becomes a massive success.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GreatDekuTree3
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked at an NHL game

My girlfriend and I are at an NHL game the other night and an add comes on the jumbotron for a ladder company, claiming to be the worldwide leader in ladders.

GF: "How does a company become the 'worldwide leader' of ladders?"

Random guy sitting beside us: "One step at a time"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SecondPeriodStout
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2015
🚨︎ report
Imagine, if you will, a futuristic dystopian society

In this society, companies and businesses are not legally allowed to give themselves a name. Instead, companies are ID's alphanumerically. The first businesses were Corporation A, Company B, Business C, ... Organization Z, Company A1, etc.

The world's current largest corporation is Company B. They're particularly known for their robotics manufacturing. One day, Company B had just finished the design for two new robots. One that would automatically play blues songs on a record player at the press of a button. (What we know today as a jukebox) The other was a companion robot for lonely people, modeled after a beagle.

Unfortunately, when the final version of these robots were being manufactured for a worldwide release, there was an error in the automated assembly line. This error caused the two robots to be built simultaneously, creating a single robot.

The resulting product came to be known as the Boogie Woogie Beagle Bot of Company B.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrMcSwaggerton
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2015
🚨︎ report
The recent post about the "Quackopotamous" reminded me...

When I was a wee lad, about 5 or 6 , my dad and I went to the beach on a vacation. I, having never seen the ocean, learned many new things, like how tides work, and how there's seemingly billions of white flying rats that the world calls Seagulls.

Fast forward a few weeks to us being back home in Kansas City, MO where no beaches or seagulls are to be found. My dad and I were running errands and found ourselves at the local Target, where in the parking lot I spotted dozens of white birds that looked eerily similar to the Seagulls I had learned about weeks before.

"Dad, what're those?" I inquired

"Oh, son those are called Parkinglotgulls. Yeah they're close cousins of the seagull!"

And that's how I came to call those white birds that flock around parking lots worldwide "Parkinglotgulls" even to this day.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/monroeshton
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2016
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.