Were Puns

They were called ours

She said. Our cars aren’t social distancing! You don’t want them to get ...CARona virus do you?

Proud moment.

So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house...

Tablets were replaced by scrolls. Scrolls were replaced by books. Now we scroll through books on our tablets.

Which was weird because I thought vegans would never have beef

When the friend finally got the location to run the shop he tried to get some experienced and dedicated employees. However, he soon realized that all the good employees for a gelato shop were already working at some nearby locations. So he had to deal with some mediocre people who didn’t care that much about gelatos. Then a day before the opening of the shop the person who was supposed to provide the materials for the gelatos called in as sick. Finally there were also some teenagers who decided to steal some of the decorations.

When the friend told this story the other friend then said,

#“Man, you have gelat of problems.”

Tie-land.

I said, “No. Get your fax straight.”

So I guess you could call them my ant tea bodies

But I laugh more.

We've been foiled.

..And then we met.

would Norman Reedus?

Good thymes...

Finally, I threw in the towel.

...putting words in my mouth

A few weeks into their journey, they ran out of food. Unable to find plants to eat, and after an entire day of discussion, they decided that if they found meat before plants, the would eat it.

A day later, in the distance, they saw a small tree. As they got closer, they saw that there were strips of perfectly cooked bacon hanging from the bare limbs.

The first vegan grew excited. "Look! It's a bacon tree! Food!" And with that, he took off running toward it.

The other vegan hung back, looking at it suspiciously. "No, wait!" he called. "That's not a bacon tree!"

"Sure it is! It's a bacon tree!" the first vegan yelled over his shoulder. When he reached the tree, he jumped, trying to reach the bacon from the lower branches, but before he could, a pair of wild boar darted out from behind the tree and skewered him on their tusks.

The other vegan shook his head. "I tried to tell you it wasn't a bacon tree. It was just a hambush..."

"What's the word on the street?!"

Because they took asteroid

They captained the USS Argh!

Wife: "Look, they used to treat pain with willow bark".

Me: "I'll give that one 3 stars".

Wife: "This one is about the invention of antibiotics".

Me: "I'll give it 8 out of 10".

Wife: "Apparently, they used give people cowpox to protect them from smallpox".

Me: "Definitely 2 thumbs up".

Wife: "Why do you keep doing that?".

Me: "I'm the curator of this museum"!

Looking at the price, I said to her, "Damn, they're cherribly expensive!".

Because they were Nazis

It was his own asphalt

I guess you could say the library was fully booked

Later on she found out and said to us : "You disgust me".

And I said : "Yes, yes we did".

Naan naan naan na na na naan

"Don't know he just ransomware"

"Theraflu."

One happened to put the letter T into a toy stacking cup I was holding. I tried to give it to him but he didn't want it.

So I turned to my other son and said, "Hmm, guess it's not his cup of T".

Neither 3yo got it so I had to tell someone.

just for the Sake of it

‘Now its a real ‘Caesar’ salad’

If I were twins, I’d be beside myself.

I told my wife "That cat would have way more grip on roof shingles and I expect more I realism from talking cartoon cows. This is "UDDERLY" ridiculous."

She may have buried her head and avoided eye contact for a bit. I was proud.

..it's a brand-new Rolex."

...GeneralLee they weren’t fast enough

They were in love, but one of their parents refused to let one of the melons marry the other, so it suggested that they run off and get married. The other melon said, "I'm sorry, but I cantaloupe."

It was resolved with a Peas Treaty

"Well, I guess you can say...I solved the case!!"

if he'd lettuce

ICU!

"That was fowl," I told my son.

When he was finished, he looked at the other dog and said, “Clean up that mess.”

The other dog sniffed the pile and said, “Nope. That’s your asphalt!”

I guess a pitcher is worth a thousand words.

I said, well, they do have the same genes.

Hello Hairy.

Fiancé

I said we should put the patty on top, She said to put it on the bottom So are son said we should just meat in the middle.

"Inch high knees!" I replied.

您的膝盖骨高2.54厘米

I never knew she was lack-toast intolerant.

It’s cause it’s free

She said I was a crab.

I said she was cancer.

We will never know!

A man and a woman were on their first date.

“So, I hear you hunt deer,” the woman said.

The man looked away and turned red.

“What’s wrong?” asked the woman.

The man bashfully replied, “I’m not used to someone calling me ‘dear’ on the first date.”

He said, “I got back words!” How did I not see that one coming?

Dog 1: Knock knock Dog 2: Woof Woof Woof

I still don’t know how it was supposed to help, but my calves ran away.

I miss Luigi and Maria.

"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"

They are known as the pot stickers.

So they threw one into the sea and the whole boat became a cigarette lighter.

He was delighted

Everyone had a hard time navigating those sharp V-turns.

Because there was so many knights

I told him to checkmate.

It’s an extremely rare dish order.

While the sister was working the brother was walking around doing nothing

5 minutes pass

B: Ow S: You alright B: Yeah, just bumped into the table S: Where does it hurt B: Mitosis

1: it has to be a CompSci engineer, judging by the brain’s complexity

2: you’re wrong, it was a Mechanics engineer, look at the muscle and skeleton systems working as one

3: you’re both wrong, it was an Urban Planner, otherwise waste and entertainment areas wouldn’t be adjacent.

It was a hard drive.

From the bargain store down on Diagon Alley, they were a Quidditch.

... and they are now trapped in a kettle.

I think it was "Much UwU About Nothing"

You could be due compensation. Contact the Pro-Claimers now!

But I stand corrected.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

Guess they were fighting tooth and nail over it.

...Litterally!

It allows him to be low-key with his mischiefs.

I told them “ be carful telescope salesmen can see you coming a mile away!”

.........(that’s the joke )

I told him “actually that was a stroke”

It was quite the shindig

The owner was so shocked he said, “Nobody has ever asked that before, it remains to be be seen”

I looked at her and said “I’m trying very hard, but I don’t feel the need to go there”.

She didn’t say much to me the rest of our trip.

Tablets were replaced by scrolls. Scrolls were replaced by books. Now we scroll through books on tablets.

So I took her out to dinner, to a movie, then I dropped her off at her parents' place.

...putting words in my mouth.

..it's a brand new Rolex."