I got in a car accident with a snow man and wanted to warn oncoming traffic

So I put out some snow cones.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the metaphysical highway sign say to warn drivers about wintry driving conditions?

Bridges may be, icy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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Experts warn that all this social distancing is causing a lot of stress, anxiety, and depression.

The Flat Earth Society is especially worried. They think their members might be driven over the edge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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Why did the WHO warn people about putting pandas in blenders?

Because it causes pandemix

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zeek-lukhulu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
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How did Justin Timberlake try to warn us about the Asian Giant "Murder" Hornets?

It's gonna bee May

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jazzywaffles84
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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Scientists and programmers have gotten together to write computer code that will not only warn of future global warming but also take credit for inventing the internet.

It's an new Al-Gore-rithm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Cop: do you mind identifying the body? I must warn you it ispretty hacked up!

Me [tearing up]: yes, that’s my brother Reese. Cop: are you sure? Me: yes I’m sure, those are Reese’s pieces.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrKrabs7382
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve got a heartfelt tale about my old car to tell, but I warn you:

It’s a bit of a Saab story

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TinOfPop
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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I saw my friend getting attacked by a duck, and I tried to warn him.

It only made things worse.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
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How do electricians warn each other about dangers on the job?

"Careful: this mega hurts"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tuto193
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a drug dealer who also warns you about its harmful effects?

A Harmacist (harm assist)

PS:- Sorry I am not high today.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ibrainzz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My mate set me up on a blind date and he said, "I'd better warn you, she's expecting a baby."

I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a nappy...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
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Newspaper warns of escaped psychic Dwarf

Headline reads...

"Small Medium at Large!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigjambo1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
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I don't get what Christians are trying to warn us about. Hell sounds like a great place

People are dying to get there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/4StoryADay4
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Whenever I ask someone what you call a heaven-sent nun, I warn them that their answer's probably wrong.

After all, it's nun of the above

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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I always warn my kids to never trust their shadows...

They're always acting shady.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/This_Was_America
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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My milk warns me when it's going bad.

Spoiler alert.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sum_buddy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2017
🚨︎ report
PICKUP LINE PUNS (i made it just to warn you) youtube.com/watch?v=mtr0a…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrantJohnson124
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Warn a Brother
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adfroman23
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2013
🚨︎ report
Why do the neighborhood signs warn me of the slow children at play?

Do I need to watch out because they are mentally slow? If they were just playing slowly, you would think they would see me coming and no sign would be needed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chmcarro
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2015
🚨︎ report

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