Someone stole the toilet seat at the police station
Investigators have nothing to go on.
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︎ Aug 31 2020
Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat
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︎ Sep 06 2020
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︎ Oct 30 2020
Do you use toilet seat liners in public restrooms?
Or do you not give a crap
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︎ Sep 07 2020
What did the toilet seat wear to the party?
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︎ Sep 21 2020
I'm absolutely terrible about leaving the toilet seat up, I admit.
But I probably shouldn't have married a blind woman and like to laugh so much.
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︎ Aug 22 2020
My wife yelled at me to put the toilet seat down
I canβt even remember why I was carrying it around
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︎ Mar 03 2020
If you slide around too much on the toilet seat
You might get a turd degree burn.
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︎ Mar 08 2020
If you sit on a toilet seat, you are connecting your butthole to a city network of buttholes...
And that's a huge ass connection.
π︎ 8
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︎ Sep 21 2019
It's so hot here in Australia right now that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up...
... just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
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︎ Jan 28 2019
Her: In the future, can you put the toilet seat down?
Me: Now I need to know how to time travel?
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︎ Dec 21 2018
A broken toilet seat makes a shitty toboggan
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︎ Dec 22 2018
My wife told me to put down the toilet seat.
So I walked over to it and said, "You stink of urine!"
π︎ 35
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︎ Aug 09 2018
I found a snake under my toilet seat...
Turns out it was a butt viper.
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 22 2018
Any new leads on the missing toilet seats?
Not yet, we still have nothing to go on.
π︎ 10
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︎ Dec 28 2018
When your home alone but the toilet seat is warm
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︎ Mar 27 2019
This toilet seat coverβs brand name...
π︎ 10
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︎ Jan 08 2018
Why did the pubic hair on the toilet seat, drown?
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 27 2018
"Wanna hear a dirty joke? Wanna know why they make toilet seats so freezing cold?"
"So it'll freeze the shit out of you."
Also,
"Here I sit all brokenhearted: tried to shit and only farted."
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︎ Dec 29 2013
My wife yelled at me, telling me to put the toilet seat down...
Don't know why I was carrying it around in the first place.
π︎ 9k
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︎ Mar 24 2019
Someone stole all the toilet seats at the police station.
The police are trying to find the thief but they have nothing to go on.
π︎ 8
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︎ May 07 2020
There were 2 flyβs on a toilet seat.
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︎ Jun 30 2019
If you sit on a toilet seat, you are connecting your butthole to a city network of buttholes.
And that's a huge ass connection.
π︎ 14
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︎ Sep 17 2019
My wife just told me to put the toilet seat down.
I don't know why I was carrying it around in the first place
π︎ 160
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︎ Nov 13 2018
Two fleas were sitting on a toilet seat
One of them got pissed off.
π︎ 103
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︎ Sep 12 2018
Two flies are arguing on a toilet seat
π︎ 12
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︎ Jul 20 2017
What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?
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︎ Jul 01 2017
Why did he fly on the toilet seat leave?
π︎ 5
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︎ Mar 30 2017
Did you hear about the fly on the toilet seat?
π︎ 10
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︎ Jul 11 2015
Two flies were arguing while sitting on a toilet seat
..then one got pissed off
π︎ 10
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︎ Sep 06 2014
What happened to the angry fly on the toilet seat?
π︎ 4
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︎ Jul 09 2014
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