Why does it take all afternoon to eat all of the herbs in the pantry?

Because it’s a thyme consuming activity.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/aurrutia214
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 18 2018
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As my friend Richard sat at my dining room table, I went to the kitchen and poured him a glass of milk and mixed in some brown powder from the yellow box in the pantry. That is how...

...I got Rich Quick.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/slowshot
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 07 2018
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Dad walking out of the pantry

Dad walks about of the pantry holding an empty bottle of spice.

"We're almost out of thyme!"

Mom shakes her head, "he's been waiting years to say that."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 548
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/frenchvanilla
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 25 2013
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I was gonna make bread this morning, but when i checked the pantry for flour...

There was naan.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/smirkingrev3nge
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 11 2018
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My wife: "Could you please go down to the basement pantry and get me the self-rising flour?"

Me: "If it's self rising, won't it make its way up here on it's own?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/StChas77
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 21 2017
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Today my mom opened the pantry and a box of cereal fell off the top shelf and hit her head.

Dad (sitting at the kitchen table) "GASP A CEREAL KILLER!!"

I died.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FreshTacoquiqua
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 06 2016
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We need help naming some murderous cats.

We recently discovered mice in our pantry. Everyone’s advice? Get a cat. Apparently they are stone cold killers.

We made some calls and learned from our vet that they had two cats that need to be rehomed. I agreed to take them sight unseen. I think it’s a boy and girl but I don’t actually know. We pick them up next week.

We want to instill the right spirit into our mercenaries by naming them after famous murderers, but want to lighten the mood with puns.

So far we have come up with Jeffrey Paw-er but we are certain our Reddit friends can do better. We need male and female options. I understand one cat is black and the other is a brown mix.

We need help coming up with names, anyone up for the challenge??

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sveil96
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21 2020
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Just got my grandma good, and made my father proud

After eating dinner with my parents and grandma, I got a bag of Little Bites Fudge Brownies from the pantry. My grandma asks me if they were from the box. I hold them up and point to the package and say β€œno they’re from the bag”

My dad and I lost it and started crying. Pray that we find it soon.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Beansforlife
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 15 2021
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Hey dad, I’m hungary

Maybe Czech the pantry for some snacks

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/giacal3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 20 2020
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Pansexuals shouldn’t come out of the closet

They should come out of the pantry

πŸ‘οΈŽ 33
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/husselite
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 04 2020
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An actual dad joke for you purists in /new

My wife just now, relaxing after we got the kids to sleep: Do we have any toast?

Me: No, but we have bread!

Wife: 😐 *silence*

Me: I'll just see myself out. *laughing all the way to the pantry*

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/blindsight
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 20 2020
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Got the girlfriend after packing away the groceries.

GF: Don't you want to go check why the pantry door isn't closing.

Me: Wander over to the pantry, look inside, and spot the culprit immediately.

GF: So what was the problem?

Me: Slowly take the tin of jam out, and while grinning like an idiot, I look at her and say: Looks like the door had been jammed.

GF: Sighs and rolls her eyes.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Legithmus
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 13 2015
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My wife asked me where I put all the pans after washing them.

I inquired if she checked the pantry.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/draftjoker
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 26 2019
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Went to the store with my roommate today.

Me: You know, this lemonade is a pretty good deal, but only if you get three cases of it. And I don't want to take up that much room in the pantry.

Roommate: It's a dilemmonade.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/iamacarboncarbonbond
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 01 2014
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My toddler is really into The Sound of Music, so he and my husband have been humming "Edelweiss" all day.

Now they are in the kitchen making dinner. My husband pulls a box of Uncle Ben's out of the pantry and then grabs a soup ladle off the counter and is now dancing around singing,

laaadle riiiiiiice ladle rice

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SuurAlaOrolo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 16 2016
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Dadjoked my husband today

While cleaning out the pantry last night, my husband asked if I can see when the container of dates will go bad as he can't find a "Best if Used By" on the packaging. I take the container from him, look at it carefully and reply "Apparently, these are no expiration dates".

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lipdoo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13 2015
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I don't think that's how it goes dad

As my dad is looking through the pantry... "We got enough chips to sink an army!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Toughnutz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 05 2013
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I'm quietly proud of my little Dad moment..

While my wife was in the kitchen fixing a snack, (after putting our little boy down for a nap) she says:

"Did you seriously eat all the peanut butter and then put the jar back in the pantry?"

Me: Damn Skippy

As her groans became stronger, I exited stage left

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/menstruelgigolo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 09 2014
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I'm a dad who just found this sub and I feel like a kid in a candy store!

One of my favourites:

Whenever I hear my wife ask one of the kids to bring her two cans of something from the pantry, I say "Toucans?! We're having toucans for dinner?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/keysnparrots
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 22 2013
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life cereal is what my dad eats for breakfast every day

Upon noticing moths in our pantry, my dad, mom and I try to figure out what food they have gotten into.

Mom: Do you think they got into the life cereal?

Dad: I really hope not. If they did that would be the end of my life.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/franktacular
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 11 2014
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