25 Hilarious Ted Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

Poor Ted

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👤︎ u/floarea_mamei

📅︎ Jul 21 2020

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My pet ted just found out he's not my biological son. So I had to tell him..

"you're a-dog-ted"

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👤︎ u/puzzlemaster1

📅︎ Jan 09 2021

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*sad Ted noises*

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👤︎ u/Un_FaZed211

📅︎ Sep 24 2020

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What did Richard say to his friend Ted?

I'm addicted.

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👤︎ u/sergeantsexxy

📅︎ Oct 11 2020

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*Ted receiving the Best Dentist award at the Dentist award show*

This award is my crowning achievement but this is the only plaque that’s allowed in my house.

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👤︎ u/Scottspears89

📅︎ Sep 08 2020

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Bill and Ted have a new cookbook coming out

It’s called Wyld Scallions

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👤︎ u/adamhoolhorst

📅︎ Jul 26 2020

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My friend Ted asked me why my brother still smokes cigarettes. I told him that he was addicted.

Ted responds, “I know he’s a dick but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re bad for him”

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👤︎ u/Control_Zee

📅︎ Apr 15 2020

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What's better than Ted Danson?

Ted singing and Danson.

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👤︎ u/Guy2things

📅︎ Mar 17 2020

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Ted Zeppelin

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👤︎ u/BigBadNips

📅︎ Aug 28 2017

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Ted Talk -Ted Bundy- Unlocking Necrophilia and its implications in modern society.

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👤︎ u/netdoppler

📅︎ Jun 09 2019

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If someone pushes you into a bus you are bus-ted.

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👤︎ u/GaIacticFaz

📅︎ Jul 02 2019

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Ted the eagle was joking with his friend, Manny, who has an extra foot.

"You are a bird of Manny talons", said Ted. Manny responded, "I really think that you are two talon Ted".

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👤︎ u/MexElf

📅︎ Nov 27 2019

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"Get off my back, Ted!"

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👤︎ u/CarHouseStudios

📅︎ May 05 2019

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I just watched a TED talk by a rhinoplasty surgeon

It was good, but the title was a little on the nose.

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👤︎ u/Connectikatie

📅︎ Apr 26 2019

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My friend Ted recently came out as homosexual. Luckily, everyone in his neighbourhood has been very supportive.

It has become something of a Gay Ted community.

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👤︎ u/victornorders

📅︎ Dec 23 2018

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Ted's wife was a horrible cook. She served mashed potatoes that were so runny, that his whole plate resembled soup. Even though she insisted that she drained the pasta, her spaghetti was so watery that the sauce ran off the plate. Ted had no choice...

...he was forced to take out a restraining order.

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👤︎ u/FreakyStarrbies

📅︎ Jun 14 2019

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My father deserves to be tree-ted with respect. old.reddit.com/r/dadjokes…

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👤︎ u/idkflycasual

📅︎ Jan 18 2019

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Dont ever insult Ted!

He will be very offenTed

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👤︎ u/izanomel

📅︎ Mar 11 2019

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My wife and I were blessed with twins. And she asked what should we name them. I said Ted. She said, What?

I replied, Ted. Because two Ted's are better than one.

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👤︎ u/Thoren66

📅︎ Jun 03 2018

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Ted Damson

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👤︎ u/Gayburn_Wright

📅︎ Oct 13 2015

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I was telling my friend Ted about a drug dependent acquaintance, who always comes off as rude. I told my friend:

“He is a dick, Ted.”

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👤︎ u/Inkuu

📅︎ Sep 25 2017

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What is bill and teds favourite part of the bible

Deuteronomy

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👤︎ u/smillslane

📅︎ Dec 17 2017

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Ted Cruz won 2 states tonight.

I guess winning Texas and another state is OK.

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👤︎ u/Jooey_K

📅︎ Mar 02 2016

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David Lee Roth dadjoked Ted Templeman

In the song "Unchained" by Van Halen...

Dave: "Hey man, that suit is you. You'll get some leg tonight for sure. Tell us how you do!"
Ted: "Come on Dave, gimme a break."
Dave: "Hey, hey, hey, one break coming up!"

Video: http://youtu.be/xx86CxKYtg0?t=2m19s

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👤︎ u/TRKillShot

📅︎ May 02 2014

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Watching Ted Ligety's gold medal-winning Men's Giant Slalom performance just now, and my dad suddenly asks, "I hope they show some footage of Ted Ligety leaving Sochi."

"Why?" "Because I'd like to see Ligety split!"

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👤︎ u/DetroitRonin

📅︎ Feb 20 2014

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