My priest prescribed a circuit of crunches, flutter kicks, bicycles, and plank holds for the guilt I confessed about neglecting my stomach muscles during workouts.
I finally received my abs solution.
π︎ 28
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︎ May 12 2021
Q. What language do stomachs speak?
π︎ 17
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︎ Apr 11 2021
What do you call an African animal with an upset stomach?
π︎ 3
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︎ May 13 2021
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
π︎ 865
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︎ Dec 24 2020
My son asked me "where does poo come from?" I was a little flustered, but did my best to explain about food, stomach, intestines, digestion, etc.
He looked confused, then stared at me in stunned silence. After a few seconds he asked "And Tigger?"
π︎ 93
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︎ Jan 11 2021
When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, βHa! Thatβs not going to help!β
βSure, it does.β I said. βItβs the only way I can see the numbers.β
π︎ 14k
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︎ Apr 06 2020
Dr. Frankestein had a hard time creating his monster's stomach.
π︎ 12
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︎ Jan 12 2021
I was on the bathroom scales, sucking my stomach in.
Thinking I was trying to weigh less with this manouver, my wife commented, "I don't think that's going to help !!"
"Sure it does " I retorted "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
π︎ 40
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︎ Dec 16 2020
I ate a female cow for dinner and it upset my stomach...
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 03 2020
A surgeon told me a story about how he dropped a tool into a patients stomach once.
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 27 2020
What do you do when you have a stomach ache?
π︎ 6
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︎ Nov 16 2020
Stained my shirt by spilling tequila on my stomach.
Something is telling me to ab-stain
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 08 2021
Had a dream yesterday. It was year 2021, There was a new pandemic of stomach flu...
We all had to wear diapers and we quickly recognised that masks in 2020 were not that bad.
π︎ 29
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︎ Oct 29 2020
Always wanted to be a rodeo clown, but couldnβt because I have stomach problems
π︎ 16
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︎ Nov 13 2020
When in a new relationship, does your stomach hurt because of the butterflies...
Or the farts you hold in.
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 30 2020
What do you call it when you hear a disembodied stomach grumble?
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Iβm not the mouth, the stomach, the small or large intestines
π︎ 35
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︎ Aug 09 2020
Everyone should know that cows have four stomach compartments.
It's ruminantary knowledge!
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 30 2020
A hungry man is more satisfied eating food than a man with full stomach.
Except if he is a cannibal.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 08 2020
What does Bill Duke say when he has an upset stomach?
Gonna have me some Tums. Gonna have me some Tums.
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 25 2020
I did Yoga today morning and my stomach really hurt after that. Why?
Because I had Yoghurt before.
π︎ 4
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︎ Sep 08 2020
My dog ate an entire box of crayons by himself and got a horrible stomach ache.
π︎ 9
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︎ Jul 01 2020
I saw a film about a spanner made of a human stomach.
π︎ 9
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︎ Aug 05 2020
My wife keeps asking why I drink a pink liquid whenever my stomach is upset.
Frankly, it's not her bismuth.
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 05 2020
My stomach is acting up
I have a bad case of dire rear
π︎ 10
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︎ May 07 2020
Why did the cowβs stomach ached?
Because there was no more rumen it
π︎ 4
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︎ Jul 10 2020
What do spiders take when they get stomach aches?
π︎ 4
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︎ Apr 03 2020
Doctor: Sir, you have an upset stomach
Me: So thatβs where all that crying is coming from.
π︎ 5
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︎ Jun 24 2020
i went to the doctor's woth my parents, and found out i have tapeworms in my stomach. the doctor showed us some pictures of tapeworms. and both my parents fainted.
i guess ive got a stomach for it
π︎ 3
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︎ Jun 14 2020
My stomach is FLAT.
π︎ 12
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︎ Feb 09 2020
My wife always says the way to a manβs heart is through his stomachβ¦
Lovely woman.
Useless surgeon.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Sep 02 2017
My dear old grandmother always used to say the way to a man's heart was through his stomach,
which is why she lost her job as a cardiac surgeon.
π︎ 26
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︎ Jan 27 2020
Today in veterinary class we learned that cows have 4 stomachs to digest the grasses they consume...
π︎ 49
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︎ Dec 17 2019
My mother always used to say "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"
Nice lady and all, I truly loved her, but a terrible surgeon
π︎ 17
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︎ Feb 15 2020
Just found out I have a cold and the stomach flu.
Iβve got the Friday Night Blights
π︎ 3
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︎ Mar 06 2020
I had some Greek food that upset my stomach.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jul 13 2019
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Aug 03 2020
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach.
Ha! Thatβs not going to help, she said. Sure, it does, I said. Its the only way I can see the numbers.
π︎ 89
π
︎ Aug 23 2020
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach. βHaΒΒ! Thatβs not going to help,β she said.
βSure, it does,β I said. βItβs the only way I can see the numbers.β
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Jun 30 2019
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach...
βHaΒΒ! Thatβs not going to help,β she said.
βSure, it does,β I said. βItβs the only way I can see the numbers.β
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Dec 03 2016
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach...
βHaΒΒ! Thatβs not going to help,β she said.
βSure, it does,β I said. βItβs the only way I can see the numbers.β
π︎ 4k
π
︎ May 03 2017
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