My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
My son asked me "where does poo come from?" I was a little flustered, but did my best to explain about food, stomach, intestines, digestion, etc.
He looked confused, then stared at me in stunned silence. After a few seconds he asked "And Tigger?"
Dr. Frankestein had a hard time creating his monster's stomach.
I was on the bathroom scales, sucking my stomach in.
Thinking I was trying to weigh less with this manouver, my wife commented, "I don't think that's going to help !!"
"Sure it does " I retorted "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
Stained my shirt by spilling tequila on my stomach.
Something is telling me to ab-stain
I ate a female cow for dinner and it upset my stomach...
A surgeon told me a story about how he dropped a tool into a patients stomach once.
What do you do when you have a stomach ache?
Always wanted to be a rodeo clown, but couldn’t because I have stomach problems
Had a dream yesterday. It was year 2021, There was a new pandemic of stomach flu...
We all had to wear diapers and we quickly recognised that masks in 2020 were not that bad.
When in a new relationship, does your stomach hurt because of the butterflies...
Or the farts you hold in.
What do you call it when you hear a disembodied stomach grumble?
Everyone should know that cows have four stomach compartments.
It's ruminantary knowledge!
I’m not the mouth, the stomach, the small or large intestines
What does Bill Duke say when he has an upset stomach?
Gonna have me some Tums. Gonna have me some Tums.
I did Yoga today morning and my stomach really hurt after that. Why?
Because I had Yoghurt before.
A hungry man is more satisfied eating food than a man with full stomach.
Except if he is a cannibal.
My wife keeps asking why I drink a pink liquid whenever my stomach is upset.
Frankly, it's not her bismuth.
I saw a film about a spanner made of a human stomach.
My dog ate an entire box of crayons by himself and got a horrible stomach ache.
Why did the cow‘s stomach ached?
Because there was no more rumen it
My stomach is acting up
I have a bad case of dire rear
Doctor: Sir, you have an upset stomach
Me: So that’s where all that crying is coming from.
i went to the doctor's woth my parents, and found out i have tapeworms in my stomach. the doctor showed us some pictures of tapeworms. and both my parents fainted.
i guess ive got a stomach for it
What do spiders take when they get stomach aches?
My dear old grandmother always used to say the way to a man's heart was through his stomach,
which is why she lost her job as a cardiac surgeon.
Today in veterinary class we learned that cows have 4 stomachs to digest the grasses they consume...
My mother always used to say "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"
Nice lady and all, I truly loved her, but a terrible surgeon
Some Campy Humor
Three men go camping in the wilderness; a German, an Italian and a Czechoslovakian. While asleep, their campsite is attacked by a couple of bears and all 3 men are presumed killed. Forest Rangers get deployed to find the missing campers. After inspecting the campsite, the Rangers discover the bear tracks and follow them to the den. Inside are the 2 bears, a male and a female, which the Rangers quickly kill. First, they opened the stomach of the female and inside were the remains of the German and Italian men.
"Looks like our work here is done," the lead Ranger says to his partner.
"But we only found 2 bodies!" The partner cries back.
The Ranger removes his sunglasses and looks vacantly into the distance before finally telling his partner:
"Clearly the Czech is in the male."
My wife always says the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach…
Lovely woman.
Useless surgeon.
Just found out I have a cold and the stomach flu.
I’ve got the Friday Night Blights
I recently made a fluffy, delicious European breakfast entree, but when I finished eating it I had a stomach ache.
I had some Greek food that upset my stomach.
Just ate this, now i get butterflies in my stomach (is it how you use it idk im bad at English)
A man was admitted to the hospital with 8 plastic horses in his stomach.
His condition is stable now.
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, “Ha! That’s not going to help!”
“Sure, it does.” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach.
Ha! That’s not going to help, she said. Sure, it does, I said. Its the only way I can see the numbers.
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach. “Ha! That’s not going to help,” she said.
“Sure, it does,” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach...
“Ha! That’s not going to help,” she said.
“Sure, it does,” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach...
“Ha! That’s not going to help,” she said.
“Sure, it does,” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
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