I was stacking wood and a piece fell and tried to hit me

He was all bark and no bite

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MoondogGLOVER1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I hurt myself while stacking up all my old National Geographics ...

Now, I have back issues.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterBigDude
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a worker stacking shelves at Costco complaining, because the top shelf was broken and he couldn't keep it up...

I think he had a wrecked aisle dysfunction...

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2017
🚨︎ report
I went to the hardware store with a friend and the store had pallets of soil, seed, and fertilizer out front. We both stopped and looked at one of the pallets stacked high with bags of dried steer manure. The sign said, "Strict limit 2 per customer."

My friend looked at me and said, "I guess there's only so much shit you can take."

True story.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ObiWanKaDaddy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
A soldier in WW2 was shot in the chest and the bullet was stopped by a stack of quarters in his pocket.

He said it was his life savings.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call six boys stacked on top of each other?

A ladder

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hephsters
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I was an uber driver for a bunch of pro wrestlers, they were so tired after their show they all just stacked on top of each other in my backseat

I guess I was the pile driver

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RKO-Cutter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I just swallowed a stack of Scrabble tiles by accident.

My next poop could spell disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LoganWren
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pile of cats?

A meow-ntain!

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Anyone like chimney jokes?

I've got a stack of them. The first ones on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beej2000
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Stack overflow
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SamSike2K2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I like my women like a pile of Lowe’s precut studs:

Cheap, stacked and knotty

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I had a stack of 52 slices of toast this morning.

I ate an entire deck of carbs!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommyWiseaus_butt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Fat Stacks
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fawaffle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Want to hear a chimney joke?

I Got stacks of em! First one's on the house

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss is making me dig through a stack of hay bare-handed to look for anything that shouldn’t be there. I suspect he dropped his wedding ring while having an affair with the new girl he hired in the pile and now he is desperate to hide the evidence from his wife who might be on to him.

But I’m just grasping at straws here.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Propagansus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My twin preschool boys were playing with foam letters in the bathtub.

One happened to put the letter T into a toy stacking cup I was holding. I tried to give it to him but he didn't want it.

So I turned to my other son and said, "Hmm, guess it's not his cup of T".

Neither 3yo got it so I had to tell someone.

πŸ‘︎ 408
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My doctor recommended I sleep on a stack of old magazines.

I have back issues.

πŸ‘︎ 182
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What would you get if you stacked all the terrible dad jokes in a circle?

Groanhenge

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A man died today when a pile of books fell on him

He only had his shelf to blame

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a stack of cats?

A meowtain.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ginger_Waves
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report
My kid just stacked some letter blocks like so:

F

F

U

T

S

S

I

H

T

You couldn't make this stuff up.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Tetris is a good game

In fact, you could even say it was a blockbuster

πŸ‘︎ 150
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProtonPi23
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
One year for my Mom's birthday, my Dad tied the presents he had gotten for her together, and stacked them. He then did this when bringing them outside to her. imgur.com/mwwY4DT
πŸ‘︎ 269
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dhoshino
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2013
🚨︎ report
If you set fire to a stack of ebooks, is it still kindling?
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/12px
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I handed my wife a stack of kid's vocabulary cards

She gave them back with a puzzled look. I informed her we just exchanged words.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fracturedcrayon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2017
🚨︎ report
I was helping my dad move stuff out of his storage unit when I came across a stack of metal rods.

Me: Dad, do you need these?

Dad (with a shit-eating grin): YES! In fact, I was going to put them in the bank. Then it would be a pole vault!

Bonus rebuttal! My husband (not a dad): Look, do you want us to help you or not?

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pollyatomic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2014
🚨︎ report
There was a stack of glass on the back of a truck.

One was broken I said "that's a pane" many groans were exchanged

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan86
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2015
🚨︎ report
I am giving my chimney away for free...

You can say it's on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad stacked a ton of bacon on his plate...

He took a bite, smirked and said, "This bacon is great Sarah. It's hard to believe it's sodium free!"

My wife looked at me with a quizzical look on her face and responded, "Ummm... Bruce...this isn't sodium free bacon."

"I know!" My dad exclaimed. "That's why it's so hard to believe!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2016
🚨︎ report
I took my piggy bank to the five and dime store...

I took my piggy bank to the five and dime store and they told me they didn't take any thing under a dollar...

A policy like that just makes no cents...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbjames84
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Every time we pass big stacks of hay in the car...

As loud as possible: "HEY!"

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/quesocaliente
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2013
🚨︎ report
Safety ratings

I work security at a large lab. We have a safety rating of green/yellow/red that we need to ask incoming workers. This occurred today when my co-worker greeted an incoming employee.

Co-worker: β€œHello. What kind of work are you doing today? Green, yellow, or red work?”

Employee: β€œI’m just going to my office to water my plants.”

Me: β€œThat’s definitely green work.”

Co-worker: β€œDid you have to?”

Me: β€œSorry. That joke was low hanging fruit.”

Co-worker: β€œReally?”

Me: β€œGuess I’m stacking them up like cord wood today.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/II_Confused
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report
As I gave Dad his 60th birthday card he said to me...

"Just one would have been fine!"

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/haymalb
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I was passing by my son's bedroom and was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up…

Then, I saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.

It was addressed, 'Dad'.

With the worst premonition, I opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands:

"Dear, Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy.

She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad.

She's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.

We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better.

She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true.

I'm over at Jason's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table.

Call when it is safe for me to come home!"

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2017
🚨︎ report
I recently had breakfast with Tenacious D while playing a game of cards

Nothing like playing blackjack with Jack Black over a stack of flapjacks

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
The twelve days of Jokemas, day four

Want to hear a chimney joke?

I got stacks of them, first one's on the house

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a stack of 52 slices of bread?

A deck of carbs!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zephyx10
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Want to hear a chimney joke? Got stacks of em!

First one's on the house

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Want to hear a chimney joke?

Got stacks of em! First one's on the house

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Want to hear a chimney joke?

Got stacks of em! First one's on the house

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report

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