Slightly open
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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Not a joke for written context, but one you can use on your family.

You just say to your family member - "Did you hear someone in the family is part owl?"

They'll reply with "who?" And you look at them with a raised eyebrow.

Tell this joke over dinner if youd like to be the life of the party. You're welcome.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MCKANNON
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy

I told: mom that why I am using a chair.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spydercop69
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
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What do you call a father that has changed gender and is slightly invisible?

Trans-parent

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/manpatpost
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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If I discovered a new element that is slightly denser than the human body.

I would name it hooman, so people could ask are we hooman or are we denser?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/losersmanual
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Which vegetable is only slightly awesome?

A rad-ish

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1nstrument
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV

'Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!' She was watching our wedding video again."

πŸ‘︎ 143
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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(very slightly vulgar) What’s the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

Beer nuts are just over five dollars, deer nuts are only under a buck.

πŸ‘︎ 150
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnnyBucanneer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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A child was slightly injured while digging for gold

Not to worry, only Minor Miner Injuries

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders"...

…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
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I watched a movie about graphs last night, but I was slightly disappointed.

The plot was predictable, and the special f(x) was terrible.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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I locked my door on the way in, but when I looked back, it was slightly ajar
πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diascamara
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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We had a potato cannon once. We had some dumpster bread. We were shooting it full of grass, bread and leaves....

Technically our cannon "shoots eats and leaves".

(As in the oxford comma panda assassin... that "eats, shoots, and leaves")

Anyway I've waited years for someone to appreciate this .... and it has never happened so far. I hope you are slightly amused....

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mavaction
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
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Max Planck and Zeno of Elea get into a huge bar fight over a slight disagreement. Who won?

Planck, but not by much.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2shoesnotfellows
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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I was trying to create a super soldier in my lab, but I accidentally created a very thin man who could tell the future.

At least I was still able to make a slight prophet.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrahamRavity
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
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What does a house wear?

Address

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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Was pretty confused when I found a pickle in a door today.

Until I noticed, it was slightly ajar.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VapeNationInc
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
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I see! Said the blind carpenter.

As he picked up his hammer and saw.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deepsea333
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
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For Sale: Slightly Used Chewing Gum

Near Mint Condition!!!

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talon184
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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I’ve started making sardine flavoured tea, but I’m slightly reluctant to extend my experimentation to mackerel flavour.

It’s a different kettle of fish altogether.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Titsonafish
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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Slight crack in it
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1ZacNolan1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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What do you call a friend who's only slightly drunk?

Bud Lite

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ddastoor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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Really excited to be going to this rock concert, I'd love to crowdsurf but I'm slightly concerned

I might get a bit carried away.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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We had a daughter with one leg just slightly shorter than the other, her name was

Eileen

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IsaacB1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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Radish means slightly Awesome in 90’s vernacular
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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What happens when you put Jar Jar Binks in a Mason jar and slightly open it?

you get a Jar Jar in an Ajar Jar.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyNameIsKanya
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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What do you call a dog that can do magic tricks?

A Labracadabrador

πŸ‘︎ 699
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πŸ‘€︎ u/D3V1L420
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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A very elderly gentleman, mid ninety's, very well dressed, hair well groomed, great suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good aftershave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge…

Seated at the bar is an elderly lady, mid eighties.

The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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What do you call a slightly cool vegetable?

A Rad-ish

πŸ‘︎ 265
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ronin_777
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2017
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When you speak two languages, you hit the phase that you slightly forget both languages.

It's called bye-lingual.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyStar1991
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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Yesterday me and my friend were chasing on discord,then someone in the server posted a slightly dirty meme. So my friend said "Improvise. Adapt. Overcum" which fits the meme well.. so I said "Cumon, you beat meato tits"
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dagreifers
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
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Had to take a slightly shlonger screenshot for this one...
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nnate777
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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What do you call a woman who has one leg that is slightly longer than the other?

Eileen

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealWingnut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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A pitcher kept aiming slightly to the side and hitting the batter

no one got their lemonade and the cake was ruined

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ“…︎ May 31 2016
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My wife is mad I have no sense of direction.

So I packed my stuff and right.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaDerpyDog
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
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Rude dude, crude dude.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/recoro06
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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What do a slightly old movie and a toddler have in common?

They were more popular when they first came out.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mjcagz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
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I saw my wife slightly drunk yelling at the TV saying β€œdon’t go in there you idiot”

She was watching our wedding video again.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Commander_Glory
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: β€œDon’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!”

She is watching our wedding video again.

πŸ‘︎ 21k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
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I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: 'Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!'

She was watching our wedding video again.

πŸ‘︎ 161
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tsir18
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders"...

…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."

πŸ‘︎ 207
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo "Head and Shoulders"...

…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2017
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I saw my wife slightly drunk, yelling at the T. V "Don't go in the there, don't you go into that church you idiot!"

She was watching our wedding video again

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
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What do you call a slightly cool vegetable?

rad-ish

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/straightweird
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2018
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