If that makes me sound Russian, so ve it.
The ends justify the memes.
It's called a "Xere-ox."
It’s a subtle-tea.
A naan issue.
Cause that's when the revolutions happen.
Planck, but not by much.
Wife: could it be my appendix? Me: no, it's on the other side. W: maybe it's just my ovary. M: you also may be ovary-acting. W: flips me the bird
The Dank Knight.
She was watching our wedding video again.
I guess it's a jar now.
"What about Eeyore?"
No idea what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all day.
The wife kisses her husband on the cheek and says, "Merry Christmas, hun! Don't get up, I have a surprise for you - as your first Christmas present, I'm going to make you your favorite breakfast in bed... Eggs Benedict!"
"Wow, great!" says the husband, propping himself up in bed as his wife scampers away to the kitchen.
A little time and lots of clanging and cooking later, the wife returns with a beautiful plate of Eggs Benedict - fresh and steaming hot on a plate.
The husband smiles from ear to ear as he takes the plate from his wife, but gets a slightly quizzical look on his face when he notices that the plate is one he's never seen before. Instead of their usual dinnerware, this plate is a shiny, silvery metallic one.
"This is wonderful, darling!" the husband says, "But what's with the fancy plate, did you get it special for today?"
"Of course I did," beams the wife, "it's Christmas!..."
"... There's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"
Research published in the British Psychological Society's journal, The Psychologist recently used r/DadJokes among other sources:
"How, for one thing, are we to make sense of the apparent popularity of dad jokes given that they are explicitly said to be ‘unfunny’? Even those definitions of the genre that do not specifically use the word ‘unfunny’ include similar slights, calling them ‘lame’ (Dictionary.com), ‘hackneyed’ (OED), or ‘embarrassingly bad’ (Urban Dictionary). Yet many people clearly find dad jokes funny in some sense. On the popular social network Reddit, the community r/DadJokes, which is specifically dedicated to sharing dad jokes, has a staggering 8.8 million members."
and found that:
"By continually telling their children jokes that are so bad that they’re embarrassing, fathers may push their children’s limits for how much embarrassment they can handle. They show their children that embarrassment isn’t fatal. For a child who is approaching or has entered adolescence, which appears to be a sensitive period for sociocultural processing (Blakemore & Mills, 2014), this is an immensely valuable lesson. In this sense, dad jokes may have a positive pedagogical effect, toughening up the kids who are begrudgingly exposed to them."
M. Hye-Knudsen, The Psychologist, March 14, 2023.
https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/dad-jokes-thats-way-eye-roll
Question one.
So this happened yesterday. I was driving my daughter to wresting practice traveling in the left lane. When low and behold slightly ahead and to my right is a man driving an older Ford Taurus wearing a wig and clad in colorful attire.
As I pull up directly next to his car, I say “Hey Scarlett, can you believe this freaking clown?”
She looked up from her phone just long enough to to give me a little giggle. Not much - but I am calling it a victory.
My father was a frog and my mother was a tad Pole.
Now he’s just Scottish.
Eldest is learning about hieroglyphics and ancient Egypt.
"Did you know the ancient Egyptians didn't think they could swim?"
"That makes sense, actually." He's quite sceptical of 90% of what I say in a certain tone, "what with all the desert and stuff."
I couldn't believe my luck. He must've clocked my eyes lighting up, a slight twitch into a slight smile. I've got him hook, line and sinker here. Take it home.
"Na mate, they were in de nile."
And then said turn your head and caugh.
…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
'Well, what else did you expect to find here? This is, after all, a place that serves just desserts', he replied, slightly peeved.
The plot was predictable, and the special f(x) was terrible.
Leave a dresser drawer slightly open with a small piece of clothing sticking out.
Compared to other farmers, I'm making slightly higher celery.
Quasi-mordor
My cousin (MtF) has just come out to the family- she told some of us "younger" ones but she was afraid especially of what her dad's reaction would be. He's a man of few words and was never outgoing or very affectionate to his kids, his side of the family is pretty conservative as well. A very as-seen-on-TV-in-the-90s dad with a handlebar moustache and multiple different-but-same polo t-shirts. Her mum passed a few years ago and they are even more distant than ever. It was finally the big day and she told him in front of a couple of us. The silence seemed to stretch on into the infinite. After some time, he got up, and without even a slight change in expression he said- "so I guess you can't see me now".
...
More silence
...
"Because I'm a transparent geddit?" With the most gigantic smile I've EVER seen him crack.
It's been 5 days and he's been cracking the same joke on every opportunity he can, ever since.
Edit- I forgot my favorite part- he asked her if she would like to add her mum's name in her new one because he missed saying it. I BAWLED my eyes out.
Edit2: obligatory I can't believe how much this blew up! We met at a family gathering yesterday and he was still chuckling so i decided to post this. I sent my cousin this post and she says he's very proud of himself. Thanks for all the awards! This is crazy!
I see that there was some confusion about the moustache description - we're a first generation Indian - Hindu family, and it's traditional especially for the older generation I think.
It's a cute moment, but not everyone is as positive. Some neighbors, people at school, a teacher or so (it's just a phase! you'll ruin your life!), and she's been handling calls all day from AH family members who only call for gossip.
I mean, it's in mint condition...
Well of course they do, then how would we get Number 2 pencils?
So there's this girl who works at a gas station close by, and she always seems slightly annoyed. I dont take offense because I can tell it isnt directed toward me. So today I go in and ask for 2 packs of my favorite smokes, and she asks; shorts? I say no, I have pants on today. First time I've ever seen her laugh or smile
First lady says isnt it windy. Second lady says no i think its thursday Third lady says so am i lets have a cup of tea.
... because it didn't habanero.
A rad-ish
To get to the other slide
It's been picking up.
Beer nuts are just over five dollars, deer nuts are only under a buck.
“Bruh”
…while I was purchasing padded envelopes and shipping tape.
I wasn’t doing anything wrong, she just caught me buy supplies.
She is watching our wedding video again.
She is watching our wedding video again.
…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
