I proudly showed my son, "Check this out! Bought a new shrub trimmer today!" He shrugged and replied, "That's great, dad." I continued...

"It’s cutting hedge technology!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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I’ve been setting aside money to buy some boxwood shrubs.

It’s my hedge fund.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobs_clam_rodeo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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I'm raising money for a new row of shrubs by selling stock...

Would you like a few shares of my hedge fund?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.

I hope you scrolled past that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigdickcorrine
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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Shrubs

What do you call a savings account for obtaining more bushes?

A Hedge Fund!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedstoneRelic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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As I was walking down the street, an old man came up to me and explained all the benefits of dining on meals with mint derived from sub-shrub herbs...

I thanked him for the sage advice but went on about my business.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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What do you call a shrub growing underwater?

A shrub-marine

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πŸ‘€︎ u/geekcommunicant
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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I asked my dad why our yard was covered in shrubs...

He said its because there isn't mushroom for anything else

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mothertuckingdog
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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My wife pointed to a flowering shrub and said "hibiscus"...

I waved at it as I walked by and replied "Bye-Biscus"

If her audible groan was not satisfaction enough, the amused chuckle of the older gentleman walking in the other direction certainly was.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/somethingknotty
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2015
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Did you hear about the ravenous shrubs that attacked a group of tourists?

It was an amBUSH.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Psycho_Hobbit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2018
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Sherlock, where are you going with that shrub?

It's not a shrub! It's a lemon tree my dear Watson.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2017
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I got my dad with this one when he came over one night...

Dad: why are there so many weeds and shrubs in your yard?

Me: because there isn't mushroom for anything else

Dad: I've taught you well son

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mothertuckingdog
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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My husband made me groan.

We were planting some new shrubs. I was digging the holes and he was planting the bushes. I finished digging and called over to him and said "the hole is dug"... he called back "how do you know its name?" He was so proud, 3 daughters and his first real dad joke!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mokatter
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2015
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Dad joked my D&D group.

My character noticed someone (an enemy) hiding in some shrubs near the road. I exclaimed, "That's no normal bush, that's an AM-bush!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frostbird
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2015
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I bought a new shrub trimmer today…

It’s cutting hedge technology...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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I'm saving money for new shrubs out front

I call it my hedge fund

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElLibroGrande
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2015
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