If you take a dump on a stump...

Does that make it a toilet tree?

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theoddfind
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
If you squat on a stump and take a dump....

Is it considered a toilet-tree?

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rj17141
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I've been seeing a lot of Stump Grinding signs lately.

I wonder what office they're running for.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atrix324
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Donald stump
πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kenny_G_is_good
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't a tree stump play around with a computer?

Because it couldn't log in!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrsilbert1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2015
🚨︎ report
They say you can identify a tree by its bark, but this one has me stumped.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bladingbeckie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do old pirates sometimes walk with a limp?

Arrrthritis.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jayrandomer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
The chemist who created the periodic table was stumped during his process of developing the table. Suddenly, he realized:

He was missing a key element the whole time

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnthMaster7
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down.

Do you think it's stumped?

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I was dating a girl with a wooden leg

but I broke it off.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaFunkJunkie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the tree say after it was cut down? I can't figure it out.

I'm stumped.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/unknownemoji
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a tree with no branches?

Dead

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dangergurl666
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm trying to come up with a good tree pun

But I'm stumped.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rockboxatx
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
They were left stumped...
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fm369
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I went into my favorite bar and asked for a Bud.The bartender, we'll call her Penny, say's you have to tell me who makes it first.Kinda stumped I said Anheiser Busch.She said "just fine,and hows your dick."
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
And I'm not even a dad!

This actually just happened!!!

I was driving my 14yo home, and I was complaining because I recently hurt my shoulder.

Me: Ow, my shoulder is trash

Him: Maybe you'll have to amputate your arm

Me: That wouldn't help because I'd still have a stump to waive around. They'd have to amputate it at the shoulder.

Him: They wouldn't really do that, would they?

Me: Yep

Him: Baloney

Me: No, that would be down here and pointed to my shin

Then he started crying :-) I can die happy now!!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/impostershop
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
They were left stumped...
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fm369
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
🚨︎ report
A lorry full of christmas trees have been stolen.

Police admit they are stumped.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been trying to come up with a clever name for an amputee support group.

But so far, I'm stumped.

πŸ‘︎ 239
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WulliesTime
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend and I were stumped on what to do... imgur.com/a/0h4ZVWf
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Inkling25
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Watson is heavily constipated. Holmes, for once, is stumped.

He asks Watson what the problem is.

Watson replies: "No shit, Sherlock!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hootanahalf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who kept cutting down trees?

They tried to investigate the trees, but they were all stumped.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notgayinathreeway
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I created a bank account dedicated entirely to buying and maintaining bushes

I call it my hedge fund

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SkippyDingleCha1k
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
French dadjoke that stumped Will Shortz on NPR

Heard this one on the radio during the Sunday Puzzle segment on NPR's Weekend America yesterday. A grandfatherly contestant on the program (named GΓ©rard) asked this riddle of NYTimes puzzlemaster and Yale enigmatologist Will Shortz:

"Two cats are competing to see who would win in a race swimming across the English Channel. The cats' names are One-Two-Three Cat and Un-Deux-Trois Cat. Who won?"

Shortz was stumped. The contestant answered the riddle saying:

"The English cat, One-Two-Three Cat won because Un-Deux-Trois-Quatre-Cinq."

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bachrock37
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2014
🚨︎ report
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, β€œWait! I’m a talking tree!"

The lumberjack grinned, β€œAnd you will dialogue!"

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the lumberjack say after cutting down the whole forest?

β€œI’m stumped!”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hypnocrates
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Somebody asked me to describe my life as an amputee, but I couldn't answer.

I was stumped.

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My Mom just stumped me with this one.

Me: I know a good Knock Knock joke, but you have to start.

Mom: Knock knock

Me: Who's there

Mom: Who's there who?

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doorkn00b
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2016
🚨︎ report
I cut down a tree in my yard, but I don't know what to do next.

I'm stumped!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man who has his feet removed?

Defeated

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dasvott
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
VP Joe Biden announced he has hired a female amputee speech writer.

He said she would be really good at stump speeches.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/M4sterofD1saster
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
While being tortured I was asked if I'd prefer to have either my arms or legs cut off.

I was stumped.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snakesinfur
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
So... A woman got the first ever wooden breast implants yesterday

it would of been funny if this joke had a punchline wooden tit

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drew442
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2015
🚨︎ report
I am baffled how I got a job with a tree removal company.

Completely stumped.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my amputee daughter if she could guess what we are having for dinner tonight

She replied with "I don't know dad I'm stumped"

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Parkourturtle69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Can you help me write a punchline for a joke about trees?

Because I'm Stumped!

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Murphy223
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Got my coworkers yesterday.

My coworkers and I were taking asbestos safety classes. The instructor told us to do a good job on our tests. I looked over at the instructor and said, "I'll do this job, asbestos I can." Instructor couldn't contain himself.

πŸ‘︎ 319
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaNetNaverna
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Are you a dyslexic bowler?

Cuz you're blowing me away

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/python935
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2016
🚨︎ report
The first....
πŸ‘︎ 149
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_otterinabox
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call a tree stuck on a math problem

Stumped

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dragonslayer67800
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the tree that did a backflip?

It 'sticks' the landing!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/J4sonic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Pythagoras the explorer (long)

Everyone knows the Pythagorean theorem, but few people know that Pythagoras was an avid and accomplished explorer who visited the new world before the Vikings or Columbus ever laid eyes on the continent. On one of his early visits he encountered a village and happened upon a woman, heavily pregnant sitting on the hide of a bear. He asked her what she was doing and she told him that she wanted to give birth on the hide so that her child would have the strength of a bear when he was born. As he walked further into the main part of the village he saw another woman, again quite pregnant sitting on the hide of a deer. When asked she replied that she wanted her child to have the grace and agility of a deer. Seeing a trend he was taken aback when he saw a very pregnant woman sitting on the hide of a hippopotamus. Surprised both at the choice and at the existence of such a creature, he wondered what she must wish for her child, but she replied that there just weren’t any other hides available for her so she took what she could get.

Many years later when he returned to the same village, he encountered the first woman and asked about her child. Was he as strong as a bear? She pointed him out and sure enough, her son was busy ripping a stump out of the ground with his hands, as strong as a bear! Amazed, he sought out the second woman, who pointed out her son, running through a field at great speed, as graceful and agile as a deer! Intrigued to say the least, Pythagoras sought the third woman. She pointed out her son, and he didn’t believe his eyes - he was both as strong as a bear and as graceful as a deer; a mountain of a man with grace and poise.

He wrote in his now-famous travel journal his amazing discovery; that the sons of the squaws on the two smaller hides are equal to that of the squaw on the hippopotamus.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/corbimatic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
🚨︎ report
What is it to illegally cut down all the trees?

Treeson

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gr3gard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Figuring out the difference between...

The terms "midget" and "little person" has me stumped.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought I saw Tom Hanks in the woods yesterday.

Turns out it was just a Forest Stump.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down, do you think it's stumped?
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down, do you think it's stumped?
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
If you chop down a tree in the forest, but it doesn't understand why you cut it down

Do you think its stumped

πŸ‘︎ 125
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LtLama1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.