Rose Puns

For a silent auction for a non-profit I'm helping with they need rose puns/play on words for the packages. It's a wine event as well. Here are some of the ideas I've figured out as well. Whine and Rows? Rose Colored Glasses Rose and Shone

...I set your garden on fire.

I'm colorblind, heck

There was, for instance, the time he conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History -BJ) recruits – all from late twentieth-century Terra – on a training study of Carter’s World, a newly established agricultural colony attempting to support itself by the export of edible nuts. Barely into their second generation, and having yet to show a profit, the colonists were technologically backward. Nevertheless, they showed a surprising ingenuity in the use of their few advantages. It was this resourcefulness that Feghoot was demonstrating to his rookies.

“Look at the perfection with which these streets are graded”, exclaimed one student. “Earth-moving machinery on this scale is strictly high technology stuff. How can they do it?”

“A new alleyway is being constructed, nearby”, said Feghoot. “Let us walk that way while I explain.” As they strolled, he told his students that countless centuries before, the Carter’s World system had been inhabited by a now-vanished race of giants. This very planet had served them for a nursery, and among the many artifacts they had left were thousands of childrens blocks, immense and precision-cut. You simply jack one up onto logs, bring it where you want it, put collapsible jacks underneath, snake out the logs, spread soil more or less evenly beneath, and collapse the jacks.

“I see”, said the student. “It’s not graded road at all; its a simple hammered-earth base.”

“That’s right,” Feghoot went on smoothly. “You just hit the road jack and don’t come back no mo.”

His students registered dismay and anguish.

“Isn’t that right, old-timer?,” Feghoot demanded of an ancient Carterian standing by the mouth of the newly completed alley they had just reached.

“Ahm afraid not, suh”, said the senior citizen, and the students giggled at Feghoots discomfiture. “Oh, we used to do it that way, but it was far too much trouble. It’s the soil heah. You see, the very same soil which produced our famous cashews is so high in clay content that a child could roll out a road of it. Then, we simply use a system of lenses to bake it into hardness. Ahve just completed this alley mahself, and ahm just a retired professor of Sports History, much too old and feeble to handle hydraulic jacks.

“So you see,” he finished, eyes twinkling, “Mah hammered alley is really cashews clay.”

Howls of agony rose from the students, but Feghoot never hesitated. “And he”, he said, turning to his students, “is clearly the gradi

Tulips on your organ

I’m shit at gardening.

I see red people

"Honey, I got you a bouquet."

No bed of roses

My son asked, “ Why is my name Richard?”

I'm very observant.

“Don’t you be dandelion to me!”

You could say it was a quick change of plants

Unfortunately, it just made the world cold and gray...

That’s when I finally realized I’m colorblind

I guess it went knock knock knockin on heavens door

I think my TV is broken

I can make only bad dad jokes unlike you.

You're welcome for the gardening facts

I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'

Gluten Tag

Not fucking blue!

And to his sons he gives sunflowers.

It’s just plain common scents.

He was a Sioux chef.

I think I'm being stalked.

I got an upvote, but why is it red?

They Thornicate

It was a real prick job

God damn autocorrect! Barney Magoo

I’m assuming East, otherwise we would be celebrating wester? Asking for a Jewish friend.

Just an observation.

Tulips on your organ....

Roses are red. Violets are red. The grass is red. The fence is red. OH SHIT THE GARDEN'S ON FIRE!

My garden burns

Having tulips on your organ.

And so do I