I've never understood why people sob quietly?

Use a megaphone for crying out loud!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Awesome-79
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, just quietly slide it under the refrigerator.

Soon it’ll be water under the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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Sometimes John Wick likes to kill quietly.

He piano reaves.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neopera
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.

He didn’t want to make a spectacle.

πŸ‘︎ 275
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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My 9yr old came up with: How do you greet someone who is laughing quietly?

With β€˜a low ha’ (aloha)!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/feartoad
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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I've been sitting quietly under citrus trees all day, and I must say...

I feel sublime.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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I am terrified of people who urinate quietly.

After all, all psychos have a silent p.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alleyooptojames
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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What is the name of the great actor, who also quietly plays an instrument?

Piano Reeves

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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When I die, I hope to go quietly in my sleep. Like my grandfather. ...

... Not on fire and screaming like everyone else on the bus he was driving.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
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My friend walked up quietly and said, "hi Thomas." Then I heard a whiny voice say "hiii Thommasss." "Did you just make fun of yourself saying hi?" I asked my friend.

"Oh no," he replied. "That's my shoes... I'm wearing mockasins."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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Every morning, I find that somebody has quietly put a bunch of celery on my front door step.

I think I’m being stalked.

πŸ‘︎ 770
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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A horse walks into a bar and stands next to the counter quietly.

The bartender eventually asks if the horse wants a drink.

The horse says "Neigh"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MYZS
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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People often tell me I speak too quietly...

I SAID, PEOPLE OFTEN TELL ME I SPEAK TOO QUIETLY...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Human_Grape
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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Yesterday I got hit over the head with a powertool. I was sitting quietly minding my own business and then suddenly...

...Bosch!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/runeglifberg
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
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When I realized how terrible the play was, I quietly resigned from my job as a stage designer.

I left without making a scene.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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Out of curiosity, I very quietly slipped an old Tic Tac into my mouth.

It was a silent expired mint.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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How do you quietly approach a one-of-a-kind animal?

Unique up on it!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bjlind718
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
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Why was Thor mad at the guy quietly chilling at the other side of the bar?

He was too low key.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/divB_is_zero
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2018
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My dad around the house very quietly...

And I have terrible hearing. Anytime he spooks me in the house.

Me "JESUS!

Dad " nope just me, dad."

Me glare "Never not funny pops."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jazzyshuman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2015
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I'm quietly proud of my little Dad moment..

While my wife was in the kitchen fixing a snack, (after putting our little boy down for a nap) she says:

"Did you seriously eat all the peanut butter and then put the jar back in the pantry?"

Me: Damn Skippy

As her groans became stronger, I exited stage left

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/menstruelgigolo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2014
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LPT: If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, quietly slip them under the refrigerator.

Soon it will be water under the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
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My friend quietly quit his job as a eye glass manufacturer.

He didn’t want to make a spectacle.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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My friend decided to quietly retire from his job as a eye glass manufacturer.

He didn’t want to make a spectacle.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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