He wouldn’t be let down if he didn’t push their buttons...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-JasonTe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
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What’s green and turns red when you push a button?

A frog in a blender.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zuckerschneggle
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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Just wondering, if you push the buttons on a calculator really fast ...

... does it become a calcu-earlier?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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I was in an elevator with my wife when a couple entered with their kids. I went out of my way to ask what floor they were going up to so I could push the button for them.

I wanted to prove to my wife that I was serious about raising a family.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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I’m sorry didn’t mean to push your buttons.

I was just looking for Mute.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bluto-Blutarsky
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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The chemistry teacher is always pushing my buttons in class!

I think she’s just looking for a reaction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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Elevators terrify me

I'm taking steps to avoid them

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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The Star Wars series is coming out with a female villain

She'll be able to use the force to raise and lower things.

Her name will be Ella Vader

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πŸ‘€︎ u/akamark
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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So my wife...

Was trying to figure out how to use her new iPhone to shoot photos at night using night mode. She gave me the phone and said, here figure this out. I took the phone and pushed one button, and voila, night mode. She looks at me at this point and says, how did you know that would work? My reply...

I don’t know, I was just taking a shot in the dark.

Mic drop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/velopike
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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I made my own elevator but it makes me mad when people select a floor.

That really pushes my buttons.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gabrielc0208
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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My dad has a Polish friend who is a roadie

He also has a Czech one too, one too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/plankyman
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2017
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I told the person who was playing my trumpet

To stop pushing my buttons

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Luigigamer74002
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
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I don’t like being with others on the same elevator

Because they really like pushing my buttons

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shaho99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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Do you know how we call an elevator in China ?

By pushing a button

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coinsnroses
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
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Why was the elevator always angry ?

People just kept pushing his buttons

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dannydoes12
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
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These buttons refuse to leave their depressed state
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i59
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2012
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I was playing this app game...

and it was awful-Laggrivating!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rubius0
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2013
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Self-help and advice puns
  • The best way to save face is to keep the lower half of it closed.

  • Those who seek to get even only end up at greater odds.

  • Those who sling mud end up only losing ground.

  • Want a bouncier water bed? Just fill it with spring water.

  • Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.

  • Keep your dreams alive -- quickly hit the snooze button.

  • Don't worry about the bird flu too much -- it's tweetable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
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I used to be an elevator operator

It had its ups and downs. There was this kid who would come in and try to interfere with my job. Man, he really knew how to push my buttons.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KnowBuddysPerfect
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2013
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My Hotel Experience

I was once staying at a hotel which had two lifts, one for the bottom half and one for the top. I was intrigued with the system and asked the manager about it, his response was a fairly terse one "no funny business here, take the lift like anyone else would" he said strictly.

During my stay I needed to get to the higher section of the building, leading me to use the top lift. However when I came to move it, it took quite the effort and persuasion to get it to shift. Once I'd fiddled around and pushed a few more buttons it slowly made it's way up.

It was at this point I realised the manager simply had a stiff upper lift.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CamelSandwich
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2016
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Star Wars Puns

From movie puns we provide you the funniest collection of Star Wars puns

What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber? A Sith-Kabob!


Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns? So it doesn’t Hang Solow!


Why shouldn’t you ask Yoda for money? Because he’s always a little short


What program do Jedi use to view PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi


What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi


What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets? Wookieeleaks


What do you call a Jedi in denial? Obi-Wan Cannot Be


Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing? At the Darth Maul


Greg: Which Star Wars character travels around the world? Craig: Who? Greg: Globi-wan Kenobi!


Matthew: What does a Star Destroyer wear to a wedding? Daniel: What? Matthew: Bow ties, of course!


Deen Why was the droid angry? Mark: Why? Deen People kept pushing its buttons.


Luke: Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? Lei Not sure. Luke: To get to the Dark Side.


Darth Vader: I know what you’re getting for Christmas. Luke: How do you know? Darth Vader: I can feel your presents.


What do Whipids say when they kiss? Ouch.


What is a jedi’s favorite toy? A yo-yoda


What do you call a pirate droid? Argh2-D2


Where does Jabba the Hutt eat? Pizza Hutt


What is Jabba the Hutt’s middle name? β€œThe” Why is Han Solo a loner? Because he’s solo.


What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi What do you call a Sith who won’t fight? A Sithy.


What time is it when Darth Vader steps on your chronometer? Time to get a new chronometer.


What do you call a pirate droid? Arrrrgh-2-D2


Which side of a wookie has the most hair? The outside.


Where does Jabba eat dinner? Pizza Hutt


Who do Jedi call to help open PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi


What do you call someone that tries to be a Jedi? Obi-Wannabe


What do you call a bounty hunter from Alabama? Bubba Fett


What time is it when Jabba the Hutt sits on your blaster? Time to get a new blaster! Why is Luke


Skywalker always invited on picnics? He always has the forks with him.


Which imperial officer hated Thanksgiving? Grand Moff Turkeyn


What do you call stormtroopers playing Monopoly? Game of Clones


Why did

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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Grandma pulled a dad

Taking the elevator up with her, she brings up how back in the day there used to be someone whos job it was to ride the elevators all day and push the button for you.

I say, that must have been a pretty boring job.

Grandma shoots right back with, yeah it had its up and downs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pmartin0079
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2015
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My gf thought she got me

So the new George ezra song according to the gf has a casino bit in it so one night in bed it came on...

Her: Oh I like him he can push my buttons...

Me: Oh is he like your casionova

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Two_pump_wonder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2015
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My Dad emailed me this joke this evening

"Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

Obama frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?"

The Queen took a sip of champagne.

"Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle"

The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"

Tony Blair walked into the room and said, "Yes, your Majesty?"

The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, "That would be me."

"Yes! Very good." said the Queen.

Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden the same question. "Joe, answer this

for me."

"Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's

not your sister. Who is it?" "I'm not sure," said Biden.

"Let me get back to you on that one." He went to his advisers and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.

Frustrated, Biden went to work out in congressional gym and saw Paul Ryan there.

Biden went up to him and asked, "Hey Paul, see if you can answer this question." "Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Paul Ryan answered, "That's easy, it's me!" Biden smiled, and said, "Good answer Paul!" Biden then, went back to speak with President Obama. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle."

"It's Paul Ryan!"

Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face,

"NO, You idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

...AND THAT MY FRIENDS IS PRECISELY WHAT'S GOING ON AT THE WHITE HOUSE.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aznatheist620
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2014
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My calculator hates me.

I was doing some math problems in class, and got annoyed at one problem I forgot how to do. I let out a quiet "Fuck you" under my breath at the calculator.

My best friend who was sitting next to me heard me, and said, "Maybe the calculator wouldn't be so mean to you if you stopped pushing its buttons."

We cracked up and immediately repeated the joke to everyone around us, who were disappointed in her lame (awesome) joke.

My friend is a teenage girl. Not a father. Maybe there's a dad hidden in us all....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumbest_genius
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2014
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Dadjoke at Sonic

So I was in Sonic last night, since I was in the mood for a shake, and I'm sure y'all know that when you're ready to order, you push a red button then wait for the person to take your order via speaker. Well, after a few minutes, a guy came to the speaker and said "welcome to Sonic, sorry for the wait" to which I responded by saying "Weight? What? I'm not fat" then I bursted out laughing while the attendant let out an audible groan. In my mind, I said "victory is mine!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jesusdo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2014
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My dads favorite dad joke.

So like many of us, my father is basically a child inside an adult body. He loves to be annoying and pushing our buttons. That being said.

"Dad behave!"

"Tell me what a have is and I'll be one."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Djbeastcakes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2014
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Techie Joke

Background, I work for a relatively large University as front line tech support for Staff and Students, walk up, phone, email, chat, etc.

Today was first day of classes so a large number of students and staff passed through our doors. Walk-ups take a number then we can press a button on our system to claim the next number and we can call them.

We had extra help today so not all of the tickets that were pushed were called.

I pull up my ticket system start clicking and calling, a lot of them, no response. I get to 404, call it out, no response so I repeat it and "Not Found? ok".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AceofToons
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2014
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what is green and turns red at a push of a button?

a frog in a microwave

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ultimu_samaritean
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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Why was the robot angry?

Somebody kept pushing his buttons

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ilovebud
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2017
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