Playing card Puns

“Zulus?”

“No I usually won”

That's right. The steaks were pretty high.

I’m having a hard time dealing with this.

Start a Club

Win their hearts

Give them tools and Spades

Pay them with diamonds

SFW: https://imgur.com/Yg6JRDJ

The king and queen of clubs

Nothing like playing blackjack with Jack Black over a stack of flapjacks

I wasn’t thinking straight.

(Explanation) In cards a string of numbers in a row is called a “straight” and so by not thinking straight, I am both being confused and making poor decisions, and am also not thinking about the card combination of the same name.

He said he’d deal with me later.

A quack dealer.

It'll never suit you.

It wasn’t a big deal.

The cards were "I drink to forget - pooping in a laptop and closing it."

He says, "You mean a craptop?"

Then in the last part of his election campaign he can pull out his Trump card.

The holy euchre wrist.

YOU CURS

Grandma was keeping score as usual, and she was getting frustrated as her pen was running out of ink when my dad says: "It must have Appendicitis".

I was out with a group of friends and we were deciding what card game to play. One of my friends said, "Well, we could play euchre or something else." I then asked her, "Hmmm, how do you play something else?" Cue the emotionless stare.

"I no longer want this one... so I'm dis-CARDing it."

No one laughed... so she started laughing. Groans all around after that.

My friend and I were playing Magic The Gathering (Card game), and we were talking about our previous games at a tournament that just happened couple days prior. He told me he lost a game due to a little mistake.

His exact words were "Man, I was so stupid. I mis-read it" I replied with "Well, if you mis-read it, theres a computer behind you." My friend then groaned... looked at me, and shook his head, while i laughed at my own joke.

ba dum, tsh!

Upon getting lucky with a bad play in a card game one of my friends exclaimed "Am I smart or what?" His dad playing the same table responded "What."
"Am I smart or what?"
"I heard you the first time, that wasn't a question, it was an answer; what." He couldn't help smiling as he delivered the line to collective groans around the table and me cracking up because my friends old man was completely right, his son misplayed and got lucky.

Playing a game called Hand and Foot where you have a group of cards called your foot.

Dad "Are you on your foot yet?

Me "No I'm on my chair"

Dad [unamused] "Well get on your foot"

Me stands up on 1 foot

The dealer laments "this is exhausting" in reference to passing out cards.

Another friend: "Deal with it."

The steaks were getting pretty high

I’m having a hard time dealing with this.

I’m finding it hard to deal with this.

I find it extremely difficult to deal with.

I find that very hard to deal with.

I find that very hard to deal with.

I'm finding them hard to deal with.

I’m having a hard time dealing with it.

The king and queen of clubs.

I find that very difficult to deal with.

The King and Queen of clubs.