Plastics are Bag for the environment.

Ok masters of reddit, continue the pun.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/xuebin683
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 21 2018
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Grocery Store Cashier: Would you like that in a paper or plastic bag?

Me: Either, I'm bisacktual.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/_AmazingAmanda_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 18 2019
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Whenever we go on holiday, I never bring my plastic bag.

I always forget to packet.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RedditingDino
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 18 2019
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Why does the TSA want your liquids in one clear plastic bag?

It's pretty plane to see why.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kevincredible22
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 27 2017
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TIFU by letting my constipated dog poop a massive poop which didn't fit into my plastic bag.

So i got three bags and cut the poop into turds which fixed the problem.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tribalDemon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 03 2017
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Paper or plastic bag?

Doesnt matter I'm bi-sacksual

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/goliath16
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 31 2015
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the puppy test

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

  1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
  2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
  3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
  4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
  5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
  6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
  7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
  8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
  9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
  10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
  11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
  12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
  13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
  14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
  15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
  16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
  17. Always go straight home after work or school
  18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
  19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
  20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 05 2020
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"Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, 'No, just leave it in the carton!'"
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AshleyJack
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2017
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My daughter is leaving for college tomorrow…

I was helping my daughter pack her car today, getting ready to leave tomorrow morning. She had a set of plastic stacking drawers wedged into her car, but in getting it there, it had come apart some, so we had to take it out to tape it together better. There was a black plastic bag leaning against it, and in all the wriggling, the drawers tore a small hole in the plastic bag. After taping the drawers, I noticed a small piece of the black plastic stuck to the drawers. I took it off and tried to give it to my daughter, saying, "Here's your hole," but of course she didn't want it, so I put it (you see this coming already, don't you?) in my pocket, and said, "Now I have a hole in my pocket." Her eye-roll was hilarious.

(Does anyone else remember a similar bit from the "Yellow Submarine" movie?)

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AlmostDisjoint
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 17 2018
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*sigh* Oh dad

My brother: You have bags under your eyes. Me: Huh? turns to dad Do I have bags under my eyes? Dad: Paper or plastic?

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Altessa
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 01 2014
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My mom dadjoked my brother this morning

Her: hey, go grab a garbage bag to clean all this stuff up.

Him: (grabs a garbage bag)

Her: no! A plastic bag to put garbage in, not an actual garbage bag!

Him: That doesn't make sense mom.

Her: I don't make sense! I make dollars!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sxeu
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2013
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I checked a mom out this morning at work

She didn't have very many items so I asked if she needed a bag.

She said she didn't need one, that she wanted to save a few plastic trees.

In the daddest way possible, I simply chuckled and nodded as she walked away into a misty fog of humor and bliss.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jimburgah
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 23 2014
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Dad-joked my mom

She was tried out a novel way of shifting the brownies into a plastic bag by placing the glass pan in the bag, and then swiftly turning the whole thing upside down so the brownies fell out as a whole. It didn't go well at all.

Mom: "Oooohhh damn, they all broke apart."

Me from the kitchen table: "At least they can rest in pieces now."

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/UndeadCaesar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 20 2013
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"Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, 'No, just leave it in the carton!'"
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/EmmaJason
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 07 2018
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GROCERY STORE CHECKER: "Paper or plastic?" DAD: "Either, I’m bisacktual.”
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AshleyJack
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 27 2017
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At the grocery store, would you like paper or plastic?

Either one... I'm bi-sacksual.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 868
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hypoppa
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 24 2015
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