What do you call a female vigilante who protects the La Brea Tar Pits?

Black Tar Heroine

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πŸ‘€︎ u/linedout
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2021
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Brad Pit
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChomperCreeper
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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My wife just yelled that I should fall in a pit or hole sunk into the earth to reach a supply of water and die.

I know she means well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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What do you get when you cross a chicken with a pit bull?

A pit bull.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Somethinggood4
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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What’s the difference between a hot dog and a pit bull?

A pit bull bites the hand that feeds it, while a hot dog feeds the hand that bites it.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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What did the poor detective say when he fell into the endless pit?

β€œI’m never going to get to the bottom of this.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nwmimms
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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Have you heard of a hole full of soup?

It sounds really stew-pit but it's real.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Infopl
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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A guy broke his leg tripping on a very small hole.

It was a pit-ty.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Khaos_Gorvin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2021
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Ever seen a donkey that fell into a pit of sugar?

it's a sweet ass

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timmy_6919
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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What's a moth pit?

It's where you'll find all the heavy metal rockers with lisps.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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How to catch an elephant

First.... You dig a big pit.

Like, a tiger pit, but big enough for an elephant.

Then, you fill it with leaves and debris and whatever...

Light the leaves on fire and let it burn all the way down to ash.

Next, open a can of peas (or fresh peas if you have them)...

Place the peas all along the outside of the pit, creating a ring around the whole thing...

That way, when the elephant goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash-hole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boogie_feitzu
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
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I put original copies of "The Fall of the House of Usher", "The Murders in the Rue Morgue", "The Pit and the Pendulum" and "The Tell-Tale Heart" on credit hoping to pay them off slowly. Unfortunately, I couldn't make all payments...

He re-Poe-ed them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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How do you remove an automobile from a car pit?

You floor it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PawneeCityCouncil
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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Pit-bull Jokes

What do you call a pit-bull that lives in Florida?

>!A hot dog!<

What do you call a pit-bull that lives in Alaska?

>!A chillie-dog!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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Did you hear about the musician who went to the La Brea Tar pits and chucked butter into it?

He said he wanted to make a Ghee Tar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aortic_Bacon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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I was roasting duck in a fire pit...

Some might say I enjoy smoking quack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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I got injured in one of those illegal cockfighting pits.

Can you believe they let the other guy bring a bloody chicken!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phelyan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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Moth pit!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brash-and-bold
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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The wife hated that her birthday gift was a fire pit.

But she slowly started warming up to it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arunie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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My friend said that I'm in a deep pit of water

I know he means well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/webguy1975
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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I got my wife a fire pit for her birthday

She was cold about it at first , but she’s warming up to it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rebewnoved
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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What do you call a bunch of Democrats in a pit?

An asshole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GezzRoll
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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What do you call a rude pit?

Ahole

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grillsteakr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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What do you call a pit full of donkeys?

An asshole

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CeleryHunter143
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
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Braid Pit
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yourSAS
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2018
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What do you call a fear of giants?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shadowman2099
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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Except for a drive-through, when entering the pits during a race F1 cars always get retired.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XilenceBF
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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So I heard about a special kind of pit today, for storing things like beer and wine...

It's called an alco-hole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Exposed_dancer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2018
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I was about to join the mosh pit at the recent Gavin Rossdale concert.

But I don’t beat around the Bush

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
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How does mario break up with peach

It’s not you, it’s a me mario

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lucas_Kik
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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Why didn’t the indecisive man jump into the pit?

He was in a hole lot of doubt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flaccid_Emu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2018
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Citizen Kane is considered one of the greatest movies of all time largely for it's cinematography. One scene in particular is famous for it's "floor shot" for which they had to literally dig a pit in the middle of the stage to acheive the correct perspective.

It was groundbreaking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BottleSSBM
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2016
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Pita Pit looks like a wild time imgur.com/XEMsMEx
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thirteenoranges
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2015
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What do you call four bullfighters in a pit of quicksand?

Cuatro Sinko

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dispand
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2017
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Fire pit humor

Sitting around a fire pit at a cabin we were staying at last weekend with my wife and some other family.

My wife leans over and wipes a piece of ash off of my jacket, to which I reply:

"You love to tap that ash, don't you?"

Everyone groaned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elfurioso
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2015
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Sad to hear about the snake pit at the zoo that was shut down

Now they don't even have a pit to hiss in

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skabonious
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2017
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Why did the plum feel so sad inside?

It was the pits

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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So I saw a fat pit bull today...

One might say he's a little husky

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimedbystander
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2014
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Pitting Brad against Angelina

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie own a vineyard called Mirival that makes a really good rosΓ©.

Wife: do you think they'll stop making Mirival?

Me: Even if they don't, we better stock up on it now. That wine is about to be terrible.

Wife: ...why?

Me: Because of sour grapes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mtttm
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2016
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I just swallowed an olive pit, but I think Olive

Thought of this one today at dinner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snorkal
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2014
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Indeed he is.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
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At the La Brea tar pits: "He looks a little tongue tied!"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/heyitskateeeee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2013
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Out Dadjoked at the fire pit

Myself: Watch out, you're playing with fire. Uncle: Oh I know, I feel the heat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SSHSindev
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2014
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What happens when you tape two peaches together?

They are pitted against one another.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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What’s the difference between a hot dog and a pit bull?

A pit bull bites the hand that feeds it, and a hot dog feeds the hand that bites it.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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I enjoy roasting duck in a fire pit...

Some might say I enjoy smoking quack

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report

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