I went for an interview. They said, “Can you perform under pressure?”
I said “I’m not sure about that but I can have a good crack at Bohemian Rhapsody”
I had a priest perform an exorcism for my house, but I never paid the bill....
Do you know why I want to perform a song for you?
It would be the “I sing on my cake” day.
After the exodus through the Red Sea, Moses's staff could no longer perform miracles, and still he kept it beside him the rest of his life...
...he just couldn't part with it.
I taught my chickens to perform classical music.
You should hear their Bok cantatas.
What do gamers call doctors who perform C-sections?
A bar near me has an event once a week where a guy called Michael freely allows the customers to perform surgery on him...
What does a condiment wizard perform?
A man goes to the doctor, and says "doctor, I havent been peeing correctly and its painful". The doctor replies "I will have to perform a prostate exam." As the doctor examines the man, he pulls out an $100 bill out of his bottom. This continues, he keeps pulling out money from this man's bottom.
After about half an hour the doctor says..."You won't believe this, but i just pulled $1999 out of your bottom"
The man turns around and says "Yeah, I wasn't feeling 2 grand"
Why can’t the number 5 perform sexually when number 1 is on top?
I wasn't invited to perform on the annual mushroom stand-up comedy show
I guess they must have realized I'm not a fungi.
What kind of lemon performs charity work?
My future boss asked if i could perform under pressure.
I said "No, but I can do a great Bohemian Rhapsody"
The nurse just told me that they can no longer perform the transplant.
My surgeon wanted to tell me, but he didn't have the heart.
If you want to test how well vehicles perform during automobile crashes...
You have to be a real dummy.
Did you know that doctors that perform circumscisions don’t make a lot of money for those operations?
They only get paid in tips.
Job Interview : "How do you perform under pressure"
I usually have my band with me
Interviewer: Can you perform under pressure?
No, but I can give Bohemian Rhapsody a go.
I just watched some homeless people perform hip hop.
CJ's teacher wondered why he didn't perform very well in the PEs test.
After all, all he had to do was to follow the damn train!
Interviewer: Can you perform under pressure
Me: I don’t know about that but I can take a stab at Bohemian Rhapsody
I went to see the famous "Iron Swordsmen of Venice" perform their street theatre.
But when I got there, the streets were empty with only a small sign saying that there would be no show today because it was the Ferrous Duelers' Day Off.
My friend found he worked best when instructions were spoken aloud. Then he could perform them.
It was easier said then done.
Did you hear about the band that only performs in bathrooms?
I'm not surprised, they're washed up
What did the snowman say to the other snowman when it was his turn to perform?
Every operation a cardiac surgeon performs is heartfelt
How does a panda perform a murder at a restaurant?
He eats, shoots and leaves
A company that performs tests on urine samples turned a large profit in the last several months
They had a great piss-cal year
Never let a urologist perform laser eye surgery on you
...
You might end up cock eyed.
How does the god of mischief perform his deeds?
My best friend wanted to vent to me about his inability to perform a proper bench press in the gym... I told him to get it off his chest.
Did you know dogs can’t perform an MRI?
My favorite magic trick to perform is turning things to glass
Just making things clear.
Recently, my father passed away in the hospital. He had a cardiac problem, and we needed to perform a blood transfusion in order to save him. Unfortunately, none of us knew his blood type.
As he was dying, he kept telling us to "be positive," but it's incredibly hard to without him.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
If an AI simulation of a pop singer performs all over the world ...
I had a job interview recently and They asked if I could perform under pressure.
I said that I don't know that one, but I could take a shot at Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just saw Pinocchio perform at the theatre.
His performance was kind of wooden.
The surgeon was about to perform keyhole surgery on me...
... but I decided it would be easier just to unlock the door and let him in.
What kind of magic trick does a latino magician perform with his feet
Why do dairy farmers perform surgery in pairs?
They like to cow-operate.
If a Navy doctor performs surgery on a Marine’s knee
It’s a ...😏🕶.....😎 Joint Operation.
Why can’t some car tires perform?
They’re under too much pressure.
What do you call a cow who performs feats so amazing they will be remembered for generations?
Employer: Can you perform under pressure?
Me: No, but I can try Bohemian Rhapsody
At a job interview I was asked if I could perform under pressure.
I said I could, but I'd be more comfortable playing Bohemian Rhapsody.
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