Strange times are a pawn us
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πŸ‘€︎ u/punnybeings
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
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I went to a pawn shop yesterday.

They didn't have any.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2017
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Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were down on their luck.

They took one of their prized possessionsβ€”The Star of The Empire, one of the worlds largest diamondsβ€”to a famous yet discreet pawn shop outside of Las Vegas to ask for a loan.

The pawnbroker said "So I talked to my buddy who is an expert in diamonds to get his opinion. I can give you $200,000 for it."

Prince Harry said "You must be joking, I had this appraised at nearly 2 million pounds! Don't you know who I am, I'm a prince! My mother is Queen of The United Kingdom, Elizabeth II!!"

The pawnbroker said "$200k, take it or leave it. When you wish to pawn a star, makes no difference who you are..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshWithaQ
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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The Queen is immortal, it's not a joke

Coz a pawn would just go to the end of Britain and respawn as the Queen!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gandhitaher27
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
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Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than 5 moves.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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The King gathered all the chess pieces around to tell a bedtime story. He said...

"Once a pawn a time..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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Why was Christopher Robbin?

For Pooh needed the honey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChrisCGC
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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Ive recently got a job making chess pieces

I'm currently working knights

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaveyJonesy1990
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
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The most expensive diamond in 2017 sold for $71.2 million USD

to Hong Kong-based jewelry retailer Chu Tai Fook. Over the last few months as the protests in Hong Kong have become heated Mr. Chu has been on the side of the government which has caught the eye of the international gem dealers, causing him to become a bit of a pariah.

The diamond went up for sale his and the Chinese government wanted to ensure that world's most expensive gem got a fair price. Mr. Chu approached Southerby's who was hesitant to get involved in what could be deemed a political gem sale. Despite his protests none of the world's leading auction houses the answer was always the same, they would not do the auction. This is when president Xi Jiping got involved to ensure that some good news could come out of China.

Last week it was reported that Rick Harrison, from Pawn Stars, had approached Xi Jinping saying that he would hold the diamond but couldn't promise more than $500 USD from the sale of the pendant. This infuriated the Chinese president threatened to take down the reality TV star, but Harrison was adamant telling Mr. Pooh, "If Chu wished to pawn the star, makes no difference who you are"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Poortio
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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Where do dogs go to buy used items?

At the PAWn shop

Alternatively: The FLEA market

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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New TV Show Puns

I put up Punderdome cards on my door every day. Today's cards were too much fun not to share. What else can you come up with?

https://preview.redd.it/fru7gc2epjo21.jpg?width=2160&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=370a3ac0776b86863ed4ec133f9b667ec190566f

Project Run-a-way

America's Next Top Money Launderer

Keeping Up with the Car-Jackings

Naked & Public Exposure

My Solitary Confinement Life

The Real House-arrest Wives

The Great British Breaking & Entering

So You Think You Can Drink & Drive?

America's Got Theft

Pawn(ing Stolen Goods) Stars

Jersey Shore You Should Steal That Car

Who Wants to be an Arrested Felon?

Say Yes to the Drugs

Arson Daily

What else do can you think of?!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leash15
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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This joke is rather pawny.

I was walking down the street when I found a gold chess set lying on the ground. I don't really need it, so I might just pawn it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DReinholdtsen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
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I married my girlfriend from Prague.

Czechmate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRuralBuddah
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2014
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Variations on a theme

What do you call an avocado that plays the guitar?
Rockamole.

How do you secure your avocado?
Lockamole

Blatent lies about the avocado? That's a
Crockamole

Taking your avocado fishing? Head to the
Dockamole

If your avocado's feet are cold, get it a
Sockamole

Time to stack some avocados on top of each other ...
Blockamole

Selling avocados? Make sure you have plenty of
Stockamole

Or just pawning them?
Hockamole

Your reaction at how amazing these all are?
Shockamole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dedtired
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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How do Australian chess pieces pay for large purchases?

They use a check, mate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnitaRide
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2017
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Saw this is a donut shop in Japan imgur.com/BMdQZ6s
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πŸ‘€︎ u/delitomatoes
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2018
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[request] chess puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Backs_People_Up
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2017
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I was playing chess with the Mafia once...

It turns out, i was his pawn... then he got the king pin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bdatty
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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What's the most important piece to a Jamaican's chess strategy?

It de pawns, mon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sirclicksal0t
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
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[Pun Request] I need something punny for my email subject line!

Hey Redditors, I am helping to host a trade show and the theme is "Game Changer." One subject line I made was "Still Pawn-dering about -trade show-?" and I am trying to keep it along the lines of Chess, Checkers, and Scrabble, or other board games. Thank you in advance for reading and/or your help!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LoneWolfTraveler
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2014
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What's a chess player's favourite starter?

Pawn cocktail.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lenzar86
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
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Despicable Me toys for sale. Huge discounts.

Just head over to Gru Pawn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rvandervort
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2017
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Play-Doh has been one of the most popular toys in America for over 50 years.

"They have sold over a billion of cans of this stuff. You could say it has made the company A LOT of dough."

Quote from Rick Harrison of Pawn Stars. I find it hard to believe that he is not the face of Dad Jokes. There are at least 5 per episode. I can only assume in real life it is more like 20 hundred bajillion per day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clairefs10
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2015
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Usher was playing some chess

Usher at a baseball game last night was telling some of us that he had gone to play chess with his son, but some of the small pieces were missing.

Turns to a couple ladies, "do either of you know where I can find a pawn shop?"

They groaned. My girlfriend groaned. I laughed hysterically and shot water out of my nose.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quixotic_Ryan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2015
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The dirtiest joke I've ever heard my dad make was also the cheesiest joke...

He and my brother were driving back home from a vacation and stayed in a hotel last night. He said he was tired because they stayed up late doing things that β€œweren't appropriate" (he was joking obviously). I asked what and more brother said they were just watching pawn stars. Then my dad said β€œYep, we watched a lot of 'pawn' last night." He then continued to chucked to himself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hairlessknee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2014
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I've recently got a job making chess pieces.

I'm currently working knights.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
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