My wife brought home a parakeet yesterday. When she comes home, she’s in for a surprise because ...

Toucan play at this game.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CombatWombat267
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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When is the best time to get a pet parakeet?

When they are going cheep

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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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My uncle used to breed and sell parakeets...

they were flying off the shelves but he switched to chickens and they didn't take off. So he tried ducks and then it was all bills, bills, bills.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lineman5
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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I bought a parakeet today at the pet store.

I was cheated though; they gave me one, not two.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vaderman1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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What kind of parakeet can't fly?

Parapalegickeet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LiquidFix
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2018
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My buddies parakeet got arrested, so he asked me if I knew bird law

I said no, but I could definitely wing it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikejk777
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2017
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What is the difference between an elephant and a parakeet?

One is an elephant, the other a parakeet

just posted on r/jokes and was kindly directed here

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thidum
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
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I've decided to sell my dead parakeet.

It won't go cheep.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeseheadDave
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2017
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Parakeets

My sister's friend recently got two parakeets, which she proudly announced at dinner the other night. My dad responded, "Ah, so she has four keets?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DethRaid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2014
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Paradox.

It has been proposed that an ox may never birth a conjoined twin

But if it did it would be a Paired Ox.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hasrirama
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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Got my daughter with this one...

Got my daughter good tonight. We went to the pet store to get cat treats. She was looking around and saw a few parakeets.

I said, "You do know that when you have one it's a 'keet'. If you get two, it's a 'parakeets'!".

Thank you. Thank you very much. Shows at 8 and 10. Don't forget to tip your waiters and waitresses.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/taocpa
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2017
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Happened while Mom was looking through the "free" ads online...

Mom: "There's some free parakeets on here." Dad: "But what if I only want one keet?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/katkathryn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2016
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I've never heard him laugh so hard at his own joke...

Just discovered this subreddit and I had to share:

My dad and I were both sick during the fall (fall of 2006 or so, with the flu) and were watching TV, discussing our sickness.

I said "Well its fall, its full of grounded leaves, sickness, and misery."

Dad: "Grounded leaves? That's not what they're called."

Me: "Huh? They're just leaves on the ground."

Dad: "There's a name for it. Don't you know what they call leaves in the fall?"

Me: "I guess not..."

Dad: "FALLING LEAVES!"

He then proceeds to laugh hysterically, slapping his knees, and scaring the crap out of my poor parakeet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zen_Galactic
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2013
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