I finally bought the limited edition Thesaurus that I've always wanted. When I opened it, all the pages were blank
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
Just opened a Christmas card and rice fell out.
Must be from my Uncle Ben.
Opened the electric bill and the Wife can't understand why i'm on the floor laughing.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
What did the bottle of ranch say when the man opened the fridge door?
"Don't look! I'm dressing!"
I opened my radiator to find a lone insect, wearing sunglasses and a leather jecket. It said. "ayyyy!"
As my daughter opened her last gift on Christmas morning with a sad look in her eyes...
I said: “If you think that’s the end, you’ve got another thing coming!”
A sinkhole just opened up in our high Street.
The police are looking into it.
Today I have opened my very own pizza restaurant.
I will be rolling in dough in no time.
My friend opened a tea store. He told me that every time he stocks the bottled tea products, they sell out within hours...
Business has been Brisk, baby!
I opened a restaurant for dwarves and little people.
It wasn’t such a tall order
I just opened up a Native American themed restaurant...
Does anyone in here know any good Sioux-chefs that need a job?
Did you hear about the boxer that opened a salon?
He called it Bob and Weave.
What did the ranch say when someone opened the refrigerator door?
Close the door, I’m dressing!
I told my wife I'd opened a theatre.
She said, 'Are you having me on?'
I said, 'I'll give you an audition but I'm not promising anything.'
My wife got mad at me when I opened the window and yelled "Nice rack!"....
... But that buck must have been a 6 pointer!
My friend opened a seafood restaurant...
This restaurant I went to opened to 100% capacity the other day.
People are dying to get in.
And I am getting sick of it.
I called round at my neighbour's house early one morning and she opened the door in her nightie.
I thought, "That's a funny place for a door."
Earlier, I was driving behind an ambulance when a cooler fell off the back. I stopped and opened it up to find a foot inside..
So I decided to call a toe-truck.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
The business man opened a shadow puppet theater that should make a fortune!
But that’s just projected figures.
The bass player of Red Hot Chili Peppers opened a second hand store
They're calling it the Flea Market
Have you heard about the new restaurant the Mafia just opened up?
Foot traffic for indoor dining is a little slow, but they do a great TAKEOUT business
A clown opened up my post today
Gave my co-worker a can and asked him to open it. After he opened it I said that he was a can opener.
After the events of Avengers: Endgame, Professor Hulk opened a custom woodworking business
It was called Bruce Banisters
I saw a great deal online for a 'Replica Rolex' for only $50. I just opened the box and found it is completely made of wood...
To make matters worse, it is covered with a dark circular imperfection in the wood grain. I won't accept this - knot on my watch.
A girl opened a studio called TatTat. When asked what the name meant, she replied...
A friend of of mine opened a business in South Korea.
Why did the girl blush when she opened the refrigerator?
She saw the salad dressing
My optometrist opened a new office.
It's a site for sore eyes.
My street light fixing business closed two months after it opened because it was not profitable
Opened a can of worms...
They just sat there. Hardly the chaos that's beem advertised.
I opened up an exotic bird store next to my rival.
Cause toucan play that game....
I’ll show myself to the door 🤦🏻♂️
Just opened my electric bill and my water bill at the same time.
I was completely shocked.
A new zoo opened in town. I went to check it out, but the first and only thing that they had was a single dog in a cage.
The Lego store near me just opened up again and it was crazy!
People were lined up for blocks!
I opened a shop selling used artificial limbs
I called it the second hand second hand store
Elmer Fudd quit hunting and opened his own distillery
The other day I opened the door for a clown
A couple of years ago I learned how to lock pick and it's opened up so many doors for me.
My friend opened a tailor shop that also is a moving service...
What did the bottle of ranch say when the man opened the fridge door?
"Don't look! I'm dressing!"
I Just opened a card and a load of rice fell out the envelope
It’s was from my uncle Ben
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