I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. β€œHow much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. β€œNothing” I slurred. β€œLook at me!” she shouted. β€œIt’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”

I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, β€œIt’s you. I can tell by the voice.”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw 2 cows staring at me from behind the bush.

I think it was a steak out.

πŸ‘︎ 290
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Last night as I lay in bed staring at the stars I thought to myself

Where the heck is the ceiling?

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnchoredMech
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend today is intentionally staring at the sun to cause eye damage.

Look on the bright side, today will be the last time he sees 2020....

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RasberryOnline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I have an obsession with staring at seaweed...

...I need to seek kelp for this addiction.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I once saw a guy staring at a can of orange juice, and when I asked him why he was doing that,

he said, "because it says 'concentrate' on the can."

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/agsederq
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I woke up at midnight to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor staring at me from the foot of my bed...

First I was afraid, I was petrified.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I can’t stop staring at Uranus

It’s so big and round

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ProtonPi23
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I can cut a piece of wood by staring at it.

It's true. I saw it with my own eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWarVeteran
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I was winning in a staring contest once...

and it was all taken away in the blink of an eye.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/richy923
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Grandma's been staring through the window ever since it started to snow.

If it gets any worse I'll have to let her in.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/galiyaan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Staring a new diet
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSameSon23
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Please help. What does this pun mean? I've been staring at it for 3 hours. Friend who went to Crete.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nipstarblaster
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend said she was staring at her computer screen and couldn’t think of what to write.

I told her she must of been literary exhausted.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ptolemy222
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Staring at people is weird. Stop
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoahFreediver
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new Aladdin movie staring on a ship?

I heard it's in a hull, new world!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gigler198
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the waitress say to the man who wouldn't stop staring at her while she refilled his glass?

Take a pitcher, it'll last longer!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend was staring at some women...

Because they were chicks he claimed it was birdwatching.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ruminino
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
A rock kept staring at me.

It was astoneishing.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Selenoth
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2017
🚨︎ report
A pencil challenged a pair of curtains to a staring contest

They drew.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TomMason26
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Something was wrong with my shoe so I went to the shoemaker. I gave him the shoe, tried to explain what was wrong with it, but he already knew; he was staring into its sole
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shmibbles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My win in the staring contest got tossed out.

They claim I tested positive for stare-oids.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_snipeypants
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Have you ever tried finding the frequency of a wave just by staring at it?

I have, it hertz.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-Xenocide-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
A dad and his son are staring at a Walmart bag that's stuck in a tree.

Dad: Hey son, look at that Walmart bag up there!

Son: I can see it! I wonder how it got there.

Dad: Do you know where it came from?

Son: No, do you?

Dad: Walmart.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did Han Solo always win at staring contests?

He used stare-droids.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I saw two cows staring at me from behind a bush.

I think it was a steak out.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. β€œHow much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. β€œNothing” I slurred. β€œLook at me!” she shouted. β€œIt’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”

I paused for a second while I thought and said, β€œIt’s you. I can tell by the voice.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Chicken staring at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad!

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nickwitenzen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I can cut wood just by staring at it

It's true, I saw it with my own eyes

πŸ‘︎ 425
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xander8in
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a chicken staring at a lettuce?

A chicken sees a salad.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?

Chicken sees a salad

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ianlucky13
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the girl in the grocery store staring at the orange juice?

Because it said 'concentrate'

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyNeo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I can cut a piece of wood just by staring at it...

It’s true, I saw it with my own eyes...

πŸ‘︎ 122
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a chicken staring at a head of lettuce?

Chicken Ceasar Salad.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OCR9
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What do u call a chicken staring at lettuce?

Chicken sees-a salad

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stahu24
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?

Chicken Caesar salad

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnyreeddit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

πŸ‘︎ 114
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a chicken staring at a bowl of lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Golden_Pwny_Boy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is that guy staring at the can of orange juice for 3 hours now?

Because it says "concentrated"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wIXMamamama
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a chicken that is staring at a lettuce?

Chicken Caesar salad

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brownwoodendoor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a chicken staring at a piece of lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/extra-long-pubes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Hey Son, what do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a chicken staring at a head of lettuce?

A chicken sees-a-salad.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/van7guard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2016
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.