I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasnβt happy at all. βHow much have you had to drink?β she asked sternly, staring at me. βNothingβ I slurred. βLook at me!β she shouted. βItβs either me or the pub, which one is it?β
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, βItβs you. I can tell by the voice.β
π︎ 16k
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
I saw 2 cows staring at me from behind the bush.
I think it was a steak out.
π︎ 290
π
︎ Jan 05 2021
Last night as I lay in bed staring at the stars I thought to myself
Where the heck is the ceiling?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 04 2021
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
π︎ 48
π
︎ Dec 26 2020
My friend today is intentionally staring at the sun to cause eye damage.
Look on the bright side, today will be the last time he sees 2020....
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
I have an obsession with staring at seaweed...
...I need to seek kelp for this addiction.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 12 2020
I once saw a guy staring at a can of orange juice, and when I asked him why he was doing that,
he said, "because it says 'concentrate' on the can."
π︎ 18
π
︎ Sep 21 2020
I woke up at midnight to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor staring at me from the foot of my bed...
First I was afraid, I was petrified.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Nov 01 2020
I canβt stop staring at Uranus
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 09 2020
I can cut a piece of wood by staring at it.
It's true. I saw it with my own eyes.
π︎ 43
π
︎ Apr 13 2020
I was winning in a staring contest once...
and it was all taken away in the blink of an eye.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 19 2020
Grandma's been staring through the window ever since it started to snow.
If it gets any worse I'll have to let her in.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 19 2020
Staring a new diet
π︎ 9
π
︎ Aug 15 2019
Please help. What does this pun mean? I've been staring at it for 3 hours. Friend who went to Crete.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 19 2019
My girlfriend said she was staring at her computer screen and couldnβt think of what to write.
I told her she must of been literary exhausted.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 02 2019
Staring at people is weird. Stop
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 09 2019
Did you hear about the new Aladdin movie staring on a ship?
I heard it's in a hull, new world!
π︎ 10
π
︎ Aug 05 2019
What did the waitress say to the man who wouldn't stop staring at her while she refilled his glass?
Take a pitcher, it'll last longer!
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 23 2019
My friend was staring at some women...
Because they were chicks he claimed it was birdwatching.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 06 2019
A rock kept staring at me.
π︎ 50
π
︎ Feb 20 2017
A pencil challenged a pair of curtains to a staring contest
π︎ 23
π
︎ Sep 05 2018
Something was wrong with my shoe so I went to the shoemaker. I gave him the shoe, tried to explain what was wrong with it, but he already knew; he was staring into its sole
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 08 2019
My win in the staring contest got tossed out.
They claim I tested positive for stare-oids.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 03 2018
Have you ever tried finding the frequency of a wave just by staring at it?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 21 2018
A dad and his son are staring at a Walmart bag that's stuck in a tree.
Dad: Hey son, look at that Walmart bag up there!
Son: I can see it! I wonder how it got there.
Dad: Do you know where it came from?
Son: No, do you?
Dad: Walmart.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 06 2018
Why did Han Solo always win at staring contests?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 04 2018
I saw two cows staring at me from behind a bush.
I think it was a steak out.
π︎ 60
π
︎ Nov 03 2020
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasnβt happy at all. βHow much have you had to drink?β she asked sternly, staring at me. βNothingβ I slurred. βLook at me!β she shouted. βItβs either me or the pub, which one is it?β
I paused for a second while I thought and said, βItβs you. I can tell by the voice.β
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Jun 10 2020
What do you call a Chicken staring at lettuce?
π︎ 39
π
︎ Apr 22 2020
I can cut wood just by staring at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes
π︎ 425
π
︎ Oct 30 2019
What do you call a chicken staring at a lettuce?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 07 2019
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
π︎ 78
π
︎ Jun 29 2019
Why was the girl in the grocery store staring at the orange juice?
Because it said 'concentrate'
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 30 2019
I can cut a piece of wood just by staring at it...
Itβs true, I saw it with my own eyes...
π︎ 122
π
︎ Jun 25 2018
What do you call a chicken staring at a head of lettuce?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jan 04 2019
What do u call a chicken staring at lettuce?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Nov 10 2018
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Feb 17 2019
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
π︎ 114
π
︎ Feb 27 2018
What do you call a chicken staring at a bowl of lettuce?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 03 2019
Why is that guy staring at the can of orange juice for 3 hours now?
Because it says "concentrated"
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 23 2019
What do you call a chicken that is staring at a lettuce?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 06 2018
What do you call a chicken staring at a piece of lettuce?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Aug 25 2018
Hey Son, what do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Apr 13 2018
What do you call a chicken staring at a head of lettuce?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Aug 14 2016
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.