Talking to my dad about the upcoming summer.
Me: "Man I want to golf so bad!"
Dad: "You already do."
Dad: Hey I was just at the gas station and this lady next to me was filling up her car with gas and then she spilled like half a gallon
Me: Oh jeez
Dad: Yeah I know anyway she opened her door to get something to wipe it up with cause the station had nothing and then this huge Rot Weiler ran out of the car and licked up a bunch of gas then ran away and the lady was Freaking out so I ran across the street to grab the dog and I finally caught up to him and he started walking in a circle and then just collapsed
Me: Oh my god what happened
Dad: He ran out of gas
Me: Do they ever play this band on the radio? son: of course its imagine dragons. me: so they are active on the radio? son: looks at me for a second, oh jeez me: so they are radio-active!
"So, I put a paper in the mailboxes of a few teachers."
"Oh jeez. What did you do this time?"
"I typed a Word Document that said 'Please fill out this form' and left the rest of the page blank. dad cackle
You shoulda heard what they were saying: 'Why did they give ME one? Did YOU get one?' Everyone was losing their minds!"
me: Hi is this Mr. Dad?
Mr. Dad: yes, I am me
Me: This is me, calling from Dr. Cancer's office to discuss your biopsy results with you, do you have a minute to speak with me?
Mr. Dad: i have at least 7 minutes, i can certainly spare one to give to you! I'm glad Dr. Cancer is proactive in contacting me - the last doctor I went to, i had to tell him i broke my arm in two places.
me: Oh jeez, I'm sorry to hear that M-
Mr. Dad: yeah, and you know what the doctor said? Don't go back to those places!
...sound of me rolling eyes over phone while he chortles...
Was at dinner tonight with my girlfriends family and her sister brought her new puppy over. Their step dad left the room momentarily and the puppy followed him.
GF: Oh, jeeze <step dad>, you've got a little stalker!!
Me: Oh no!!! We better call the pawlice!
Rest of table: <audible groans>
I'm only 22, but I like to think I have a bit of dad in me already.
We eventually got to the gibbon exhibit where my son noticed one of them hanging off the cage, grunting and pooping.
Son: Oh jeez, Dad look at that.
Me: He's gibbon it all he's got.
To which my sister about choked on her mountain dew
Step-Daughter: "I have to write about myself for school things like favorite foods..."
Me: "What is your favorite food?"
Step-Daughter: "Umm... Nachos."
Me: "What? That's Nacho favorite!"
...Silence...
Everyone: "Oh jeeze... ha ha ha"
Me: "Oh, hey, there's a beetle on my glove!"
Dad: "Which one? John, Paul, Ringo, or George?"
Me: "...Ugh. Jeez."
moving around uncomfortably
"oh jeez, it feels like I'm sitting on something. Oh wait. Its my ass"
Employee: "The whole store is 30% off."
Dad: "Oh jeez, I don't think I can afford that much"
My mom explains how she cooked the potatoes with duck fat. Granddad:"duck fat... how about fuck dat!... oh jeez"
