Then, I saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.
It was addressed, 'Dad'.
With the worst premonition, I opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands:
"Dear, Dad.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy.
She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad.
She's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better.
She sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Joshua.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true.
I'm over at Jason's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table.
Call when it is safe for me to come home!"
Attire
If you look up the word "flabby".
Sorry, it's a picture!
eye love you.
He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said "then why are you shaking?"
It was touching.
My boss: Why are you dressed as a woman?!
Me: What do you mean? You asked me if i could join the meeting with the Chinese as a trans later?
"...put an βsβ at the front and an βeβ at the end!"
It must have cost an arm and a leg.
But mine's betta.
is between 7 and 9, average and mean.
Please don't be mean.
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
After that she refuses to play Scrabble with me ever again
I'm glad to have the no-vid kind teen.
Youβre SIMPle
...Wooden tit
The lady at the drive thru handed me my change and said "You have a nice one."
And I said "Thanks, yours ain't bad either."
The koalaity of life is rising.
But all he could do was rune it.
The last thing I need is a bunch of baby couches running around the place
"Yeah, it comes in handy" I replied.
I'm not sure if it was a lamborghini
... we just clicked.
[removed]
I kneaded that.
I said, βThanks, but I think we call them pants, not an ass shirt.β
You need to let that mango.
The Chinese authorities refuse to recognize Ty Won.
Thank you for your cervix.
The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.
You freeze him!
It said "Parking Fine"
βTheyβre yellow, Homerβs fat, and Marge has blue hair.β
Hill areas
A father figure.
Really
Oh yeah, people were lined up for blocks
Because if it were served warm it would be justwater
Thatβs an offer I canβt refuse.
A tator.
Courtesy of my boyfriend, who hates dad jokes.
Itβs often a tankless profession.
A tire.
A tire
But I don't see it
But I don't see it
