She had nice "thy"s.
I said no, they were taking their time.
The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”
" I'm just a cactus " , it said. " You have a point there ", I replied.
She gasped audibly and said, “Yeah?”
I said, “Help! My knee is made of magnets!”
Because it has make up exams.
Because she is something to adore.
At the end of the day it's evening
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
Watching his picture go like that must've been pretty demuralizing.
It’s sublime.
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
i said " Ho Ho Ho please"
I know it isn't much, but you should have seen her face light up when she opened it.
They are quite the head turner.
It was ruled by a fair king who joyfully ruled his land. Unfortunately, the kingdom was also home to a wicked thief who loved nothing more than causing mayhem for all the inhabitants of the land.
However, the thief was not your ordinary thief. He only stole bells. Any kind of bell, whether a tiny bell from a kitten’s collar, all the way up to the bell from the king’s royal bell tower.
When the king awoke one morning, the bell tower’s bell was missing. The king, being brave and noble, decided to follow the thief back to his lair. He chose four of his most loyal soldiers, mounted his horse, and rode off into the snowy woods, following the footprints left behind on the ground.
Soon, he and his soldiers arrived to a clearing in the woods. In front of them was a large, bell-shaped building. They found the thief’s lair!Pointing to the recent tracks left in the snow by the thief, the king announced to the soldiers,
“Look! The Fresh Prints to Bell Lair!”
They never complain, they keep to themselves and they always pay their rent on time. The only weird thing is they insist on paying me in stir-fry. But all in all, I guess they're pretty lo mein tenants.
Me: "Are you roaring at me or is that a Lego monster?"
Her: "Its me."
Me: "Why are you roaring at me?"
Her: "Because I'm Aurora!"
My five year old daughter, everyone. She came up with that on her own. I've never felt more proud!
Georgeous
All 3 said No!
All I asked was "How much for one night stand ?"
saved by the Belle
Even the cake was in tiers!
Purrfection
"Paint my house"
Its beauty was unpresidented.
But numbers can. 7/10’(stolen from r/memes)
He digs roots.
even the cake was in tiers!
had to do a (bad) dad joke for my cake day lol
My job is pretty nuts
Its not a beautiful poem, but its very deep.
Math puns make me go number
Tarzan: Me no understand. You win beauty pageant?
Its beauty was unpresidented
Because he was COFFIN.
It’s natural beauty was unpresidented
was unpresidented.
Even the cake was in tiers!
