A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says β€œI don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, β€œwhatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says β€œthere’s no charge.” Shocked she replies β€œno really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” β€œHonestly ma’am”, the mortician says, β€œit costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaladinDanza
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I met a beautiful cactus today, so I told it, " you're looking sharp today ".

" I'm just a cactus " , it said. " You have a point there ", I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Magnusfeli
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Me: "How much is the rent for this beautiful apartment?"

"Sir!! This is a liquor store "

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?

GOURDgeous.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up.

Good thymes.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/idkwutimd0ing
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Beautiful city
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BosaKaczka
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife got her beautiful looks from her father...

He's a plastic surgeon .

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I've met this french business woman recently. She was so beautiful and so wealthy, I just couldn't resist her and her lovely

franchise.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyNetF1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Dang it, Mt Rushmore was so beautiful before it was carved out...

Its natural beauty was honestly unpresidented

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ramiel01
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
As we were at the top of the Eiffel Tower watching a beautiful sunset, I got down on one knee and said, β€œHoney?”

She gasped audibly and said, β€œYeah?”

I said, β€œHelp! My knee is made of magnets!”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
It doesn't matter if you're beautiful or ugly because.....

At the end of the day it's evening

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is a beautiful woman like a hinge?

Because she is something to adore.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Beautiful
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dakingofmeme
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
A man & his wife were taking a winter stroll & admiring the trees that were glistening white with ice & snow. A stranger walked past them and said, β€œBeautiful hoar-frost!”

The man replied, β€œWhy thank you kind sir, but my name’s not Frost.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uncle_Bug_Music
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Falling in love I beautiful
πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/declandrury
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...

And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was in high school in Belleville, ON, a young local artist spray-painted a beautiful picture on a large concrete wall under a bridge by the Moira river. He didn't get permission to do this, however, and the city eventually painted over it.

Watching his picture go like that must've been pretty demuralizing.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/levitron
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Feeling ugly? Work at a bee sanctuary and start helping the world! Everyone will think you are beautiful for that

Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
im beautiful
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoopyMaster007
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
The most beautiful sub on this website is r/citrus.

It’s sublime.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
For my wife's birthday I bought her a beautiful fridge freezer....

I know it isn't much, but you should have seen her face light up when she opened it.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A beautiful lady called me Santa

i said " Ho Ho Ho please"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Out of all the birds that exist, owls are the most beautiful.

They are quite the head turner.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I rented out a room to two beautiful Chinese Women..

They never complain, they keep to themselves and they always pay their rent on time. The only weird thing is they insist on paying me in stir-fry. But all in all, I guess they're pretty lo mein tenants.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schnauss
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a beautiful George

Georgeous

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AngerFuelsMyLife
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
There once was a beautiful, snowy kingdom.

It was ruled by a fair king who joyfully ruled his land. Unfortunately, the kingdom was also home to a wicked thief who loved nothing more than causing mayhem for all the inhabitants of the land.

However, the thief was not your ordinary thief. He only stole bells. Any kind of bell, whether a tiny bell from a kitten’s collar, all the way up to the bell from the king’s royal bell tower.

When the king awoke one morning, the bell tower’s bell was missing. The king, being brave and noble, decided to follow the thief back to his lair. He chose four of his most loyal soldiers, mounted his horse, and rode off into the snowy woods, following the footprints left behind on the ground.

Soon, he and his soldiers arrived to a clearing in the woods. In front of them was a large, bell-shaped building. They found the thief’s lair!Pointing to the recent tracks left in the snow by the thief, the king announced to the soldiers,

β€œLook! The Fresh Prints to Bell Lair!”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reddit_reddit03
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't know why the beautiful attendant at Ikea reported me to the police.

All I asked was "How much for one night stand ?"

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
5 years ago today I asked my childhood sweetheart, my best friend, and the most beautiful woman in the world to marry me.

All 3 said No!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chandan_2294
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My wedding was beautiful!

Even the cake was in tiers!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hamsteraaaaaah
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My special (cake) day was beautiful...

even the cake was in tiers!

had to do a (bad) dad joke for my cake day lol

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/purpleegg1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A beautiful woman approached him at the bar saying "I will do anything you want for $200" - He stammered...

"Paint my house"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SCP-173-Keter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend always brags about hot beautiful his radishes and carrots are...

He digs roots.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I said to my best friend ’The words can’t describe how beautiful you are!

But numbers can. 7/10’(stolen from r/memes)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ibrohm
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
A simple pun sparked a beautiful thread
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nerlinhammy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
An beautiful woman orders a turkey sandwich at a deli, with pickles on the side. The guy behind the counter looks at her and says, "You like big pickles?" and winks. As he slides her a pastrami sandwich she looks at him, smiles, licks her lips and says

Wait, wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 674
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baconaboot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend kept saying Music coming out of my Laptop always sound beautiful

I said of course, it's aDell

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cloud68
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Nature is beautiful
πŸ‘︎ 456
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jout-12
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnotherKakkar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
There are many wonderful moments and beautiful sights when raising a child.

But the sight of your daughter stealing the last piece of chicken is truly breast taking.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I spent $2000 on a top-of-the-line DSLR camera to take a picture of a beautiful wheat field at sunset...

...turned out grainy.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Napoleon was visiting a friend at his new estate. The friends great pride was his lavatory which was a big room with pottet plants, beautiful tapestries and carpets. When Napoleon saw this he was gobsmacked and exclaimed "What a loo!"
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/operasmurf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The stars are beautiful tonight
πŸ‘︎ 351
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Our wedding was so beautiful

Even the cake was in tiers!

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ndseiler144
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up

Good thymes

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fuqers
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Our wedding was so beautiful...

even the cake was in tiers.

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Our wedding was so beautiful

Even the cake was in tiers

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report

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