I used to file my nails...

But then I thought what’s the point in keeping them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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File your nails man
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ‘€︎ u/jebbaok
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
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My boyfriend had this in his car...it’s a nail file
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ‘€︎ u/Raelenerosas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.

"Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tehgreatiam
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2016
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GF: I just finished clipping my nails and now I'm filing them.

Me: Alphabetically or numerically?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Djental
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
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Got outgunned by my GF yesterday.

GF: I'm going to go cut and file my nails now.

Me: What will you file them under?

GF: A lamp, usually.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ‘€︎ u/QWOP_Expert
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2017
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I'm going to start keeping a track of my fingernail growth

I'm calling it my nail file

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/pacific_rim_job
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2016
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My friend's dad's Facebook posts are golden

*Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston.

*Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

*Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.

*What do you call a cow who gives no milk? ...A milk dud (or an udder failure)

*There was a terrible fight reported in our local shopping center. It just so happened that a news reporter from one of our local stations was there to record the entire episode. It was an altercation between a prominent dentist and a manicurist. Their disagreement escalated to the point that they wound up fighting each other tooth and nail.

*The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached.

*I recently saw a theatrical performance on puns... turned out, it was just a play on words!

*Have you ever tried watching a magician with an anger management problem? Every time he gets mad, he pulls his hare out!

*If you lose your hearing, is it ear replaceable? -Just wondering

*Harvard has long been known for its championship Rowing team – until this year. They had their first ever indecisive rower... he couldn’t choose either oar.

*I found an excellent seamstress who is so enthusiastic about her work that she's happy to make a pair of pants for you …or at least sew its seams.

*No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

*I bought a new weed whacker yesterday & it is cutting-hedge technology!

*Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.

*I read about a recent fire at the circus. The heat was in tents.

*I was saddened to hear that our local bakery was going out of business. They said they had decided to stop making donuts after they got tired of the hole thing.

*I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.

*Why do seagulls fly over the sea? …Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!!

*I wonder if their manure spreader is the only equipment John Deere won't stand behind.

*I saw a very emotional wedding recently... even the cake was in tiers!

*I'm glad I'm not a cross-eyed teacher... otherwise I'd find it too difficult to control my pupils!

*What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window? ...Snow and Tell

*I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

*The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.

*What kind of math do Snowy Owls like? …Owlgebra


... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gwildcat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2014
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Boyfriend is already aspiring to be a dad.

Me: I'm going to go file my nails.

Him: Oh okay, what are you going to file them under?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/floreses
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2014
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Where do you file your nails?

Under 'N'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daliclouds
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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