I got innovative nail clippers for Christmas.

They’re cutting edge.

👍︎ 7
📅︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Had to Buy Some Nail Clippers

I went to the convenience store on my college campus because I needed to get some nail clippers. A girl I knew walked in and this exchange was had after we had started talking:

Me: The only good clippers they had were in this pack with this other body care stuff, do you want any of it?

Girl: Sure, but those are toenail clippers. There are some fingernail clippers over there (very small ones).

Me: I have very thick nails, so those won't cut it.

The look she gave me told me how close she was to groaning.

Edit: Spelling

👍︎ 11
👤︎ u/ntblt
📅︎ Sep 11 2014
🚨︎ report
Metal Music Joke

What do you call a rock band that hates nail clippers?

Nine-Inch Nails.

👍︎ 3
📅︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I just Dad Joked myself. I'm ashamed

This all mainly involves my actions and thinking to myself.

So I'm cutting my nails with clippers, the clipping seem to travel at a pretty high velocity then cut.

anyway, at one moment I had the clippers facing away from me, meaning my nails were pointing at me. When I cut, the clipping flew up and hit me on the eyelid, felt very close to going in.

That's when I thought:

"Shit, I almost nailed myself in the eye"

👍︎ 105
👤︎ u/frecklejam
📅︎ Mar 04 2015
🚨︎ report
I'd be surprised if this is a re-post

My soccer inflicted ingrown toenail has been giving me serious grief, exasperated by an infection. Swollen, purple and painful, my wife told me I needed to buy an expensive set of nail scissors and clippers to trimming down the offending nail.

I replied with "For toepiary?"

I think i must have failed in the telling of my 'dadjoke'. She did NOT roll her eyes but actually laughed!

I guess the journey is long in this game.

👍︎ 5
👤︎ u/Toocents
📅︎ Aug 17 2016
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.