"Mortar" has two different meanings.

I found this out when the house I'd built blew itself up.

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📅︎ Oct 22 2019
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What did the two-by-four say to the cement?

"I'm board!"

The cement responded, saying "that joke leaves me mortar-fied."

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📅︎ Oct 24 2020
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As an archaeologist, I could instantly tell the people of the ancient world were into sweet things...

They used a mortar and PEZ-tle.

Yeah, it's dumb but it sure beats a repost!

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📅︎ Sep 03 2020
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Out for dinner with my Dad...

...and we just asked for another bottle of wine:

Waitress: Do you want the same one?

Dad: No, we want a full one, that one's empty.

Classic.

👍︎ 3k
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👤︎ u/tryan0th3r
📅︎ Dec 23 2013
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Apparently You Need an IQ of Over 100 to Become a Builder...

To be fair, you have to have a pretty high IQ to understand brick and mortar.

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👤︎ u/BD8D
📅︎ Oct 23 2017
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A man tried to pass through a brick wall

...but one does not simply walk into mortar

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👤︎ u/chairfairy
📅︎ Dec 20 2018
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How do you make a groundhog?

Use a mortar and pestle.

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📅︎ Feb 03 2016
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Story of an abusive marriage.

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case? "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded. "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?' "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents." The judge said, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one." "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?' "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes." "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do." Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?" "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."

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👤︎ u/v_cleaner
📅︎ Dec 18 2015
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My dad was fixing the brick wall on the side of our tool shed.

When he was stirring the mortar, he told me to get him something to stir it with, but he told me it couldn't be a fork. I asked why, and he said "cause then I'd be a mortar forker."

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👤︎ u/bananasox
📅︎ Sep 02 2013
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