I gave my french girlfriend a pendant with "le monde" carved in.

It means the world to her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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What's the deadliest gem?

Die-mond.

(My daughter's first dad joke)

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/msmyrk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2021
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AvidReader898
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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Last time I was in Paris...

...I went up to a newsstand that wasn't doing much business and asked the proprietor for a copy of Le Monde. I knew it would mean the world to him.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/President_Calhoun
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
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My 7 year old dadjoked me

Me: We've got to get almonds from the store. My boy: Can't we just get some monds? We don't need them all.

I take this as a sign I have raised him well.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/swizzle_stick
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2013
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At the bakery

Me: I'll have an a-mond danish. Wife: You mean almond? (doesn't suspect a thing) Me: Do you know how they harvest a-monds? Wife: No. (still clueless) Me: They use a big piece of machinery to grab the tree and shake the L out of it. (Couldn't see any eye rolling because I was too busy doing a Jordan fadeaway in the very busy bakery)

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/8Heists
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2014
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